Common Happiness Killers/ Joy Stealers and How To Shut Them Down

I don’t really remember how I got to that point where the idea about that article came up, but one thing I know is that I was browsing for a journal to keep track of a project I have been working on and planning since last year (and which hopefully I will be able to see come true this year). One thought leading to another, as I was looking at the journals and stationary articles available, I suddenly found myself comparing myself to some other people, undermining my potential, being bitter about who I was and somewhat about how my life had turned out and wondering what would have come of me if it had turned another way. This went on for a good 5 min before I caught myself and start correcting my train of thoughts– I know... You might be tempted to say that it is not much but believe me it was enough to make me go from happy and skipping in the street to give-me-a-Xanax 😩 in matter of seconds . What made me decide to write that article wasn’t how harsh I was in the way I was judging/criticizing myself or my life, but rather, how quickly I caught what was going on in my mind before those poisonous thoughts destroyed my happiness garden. So today, I decided to talk about the most common happiness killers/ joy stealers and how counter the poisonous darts they throw at us to bring us down while we are on our happiness journey.

1- Compare yourself to others

 Comparing ourselves to others is the biggest disservice we can do to ourselves when it comes to being happy. See when people compare you to other people they might have some power on what is external and that they can see but you have power over what is internal and is the most important. But when you compare yourself to other people, you are literally tearing yourself apart from the inside out. What is left if people break you down externally and you are tearing yourself out internally? That’s right nothing! So you want to be careful about your train of thoughts and the image you have of your own self. Instead of comparing my life to other people’s life, I have learned to understand that I cannot compare where I stand now to the place in life where other people stand because our stories are different. Our struggles are different. The paths we have chosen to walk are different. But most importantly, the amount of time they have been walking their paths is different than the amount of time I have been walking mine. So comparing myself/ my life to other people is a luxury I cannot afford. I can guarantee you that if one of the reasons aforementioned rings a bell to you, you will get over your habit of comparing yourself to others.

2- Not being appreciative of what you have/ complaining too much

I think this one is a no brainer. The more you complain, the less you appreciate what you have and the only thing you see is what you do not have. And because you do not have those thing you want so much and think will make you happy, you turn out being unhappy. But one thing you need to understand is that linking your happiness to material things will have two directly related effects : a) a temporary happiness that is only present whenever you get one of those things you cross out of your wishlist and b) a vicious cycle that is rooted in a). Being happy starts with being content with what you have. Being happy and content with what you have doesn’t mean that you do not aspire to have better things in life or that you don’t want things that would make you "happier". It just means that you understand that those things are not essential to your happiness or in another word, your happiness is independent of whether or not your get those things. Learn to be content, and you are halfway there on living a happy life.

3- Let people's criticism, opinion and ugly words get to you

I always find it amusing when I see some people paying so much attention to the criticism of persons who do so little for them. I’m just like… why though? Granted sometimes people make some criticisms because they know you can be a better person, you can do better. But honestly, we all know that out of 10 people making criticisms, 3 of them are doing it for your good and the rest just want to tear you down and drag you into the mud. They know that if they can’t get to you physically, their words will just tear you down and do the work their fists can’t do. Whenever someone I’m not close to or don’t even know makes comments or tries to get to me through criticism I’m like: who are you? oh... That’s right! It's irrelevant and honestly I couldn't care less 😒.

Whatever people say about you/ think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! And whatever negative comments they make about you,  Don't let it get to you and honestly here is my advice below...

Do you booboo... Do you.💁🏾

4- Allowing the “what ifs” to take up way too much space

This one is the sneakiest, dirtiest and cruelest (is that even a word? Nevermind… don’t answer that) one. You just have to let life be what it is. The past is gone, the future is not here yet. All you have is the present: make the most out of it! Don’t let anything that is not part of now ruin your happiness and bring you more sorrows than you need. You already (I assume) have a plate full of it, don’t make it harder for you. Don't let those two words haunt you: you have a life to live.

5- Overthinking too much

A.k.a the torture weapon. It will keep you up at night by sending your mind in overdrive, make you tired and paranoid during the day, induce emotional breakdowns and turn you into one of those people who are totally disconnected from reality. How do I know? I have been there. There is only so much you can deal with at a given moment. Don’t try to overdo it. Why? Because you will create issues that didn’t even exist in the first place. It will make you worry sick about things you shouldn’t even worry about and suck every ounce of life and happiness out of you. There is a say in my dad’s village that goes by: “One does not need to rise on the tip of the toes to see what will eventually come”. Granted you have to be prepared for situations but you need to understand that what will happen is what is meant to happen. And no matter how much overthinking you do and your degree of preparedness, what needs to happen will happen. So instead of stressing yourself out, maybe you should try to turn down the overdrive a notch and enjoy life a little.

I am sure there are many more happiness killers/ joy stealers out there, but those are the ones I could come up with at the moment. Let me know if you can think of some and/or if you have more tips to counter them.

Until next time,
xo 

S.W.A.G

This was the article I had originally scheduled to post on Valentines day and even though my article is all about love, it is an atypical one. I had wanted to post this but as soon as I finished writing it seemed like all hell broke loose in my life and my house and the devil mandated some of his special agents after me LOL. But the one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world (1 john 4:4) and I will share my testimony about God’s love and God’s grace. Ament? Ament. Valentines day being outdated (at least for another year), I thought posting this article around Easter would give this content an added value as it is being released in a context that is perfectly in phase with it. Now before I go further and get into the business of today's topic let me warn you: if you ain't got no Jesus business, God business, spiritual business going on or if you cannot read this without respecting my point of view, stop reading and go back to what you were doing before being curious and clicking read more. This is serious stuff ... It's God's stuff *gasp*. But if you want to keep reading don't worry.. I ain't gonna throw some concentrated Jesus juice at your face, threatening you about going to hell if you don't repent... Nah... I'll save that for another day 😂😂 I am just kidding!

Today I want to talk about the love of God: the truest, purest, deepest, selfless, and most unconditional form of love. It's so weird how people can take a day to celebrate love but forget about how amazing the love of God is... A love that was manifested to us through his son Jesus. And now that I know the true meaning of swag, I can talk about it because God has been good to me. I am not talking about swag as in "that dude/girl is fiiiiine! He/she has gotten some serious swag going on". I am talking about the obashanda SWAG that makes your eyes filled with tears of gratitude: I’m talking about being Saved With Amazing Grace.

I grew up with religion but I was never really a christian per say. Of course I believed in God. I prayed because I was told I had to. I did what I had to do. Then life got complicated and that is when my Journey about finding God and getting closer to him started. I started seeking him and developing a relationship with him. It's at that time of my life that I truly became a Christian. But being a christian doesn't mean you are immune to sin. The Bible says that you will be tempted. But God also says in his world that he has vanquished the world and since he has we have too. Being a Christian means that you have better weapons to fight sin and have victory over it. During my walk with God I had highs and I had lows. And my lows were very low. As a matter of fact, my lows were highly similar to rock bottom. It all started with being sneaky, thinking I was fooling other people and the spiritual authority established over my life. But truly the only person I was fooling was myself. The only person I was hurting was myself. As life got harder, I started drifting away from faith, from the presence of God. Sure I was in the house of the Lord but not in his presence anymore.

Things only went down from there until the day I finally realized how miserable I was from not being in the presence of God and how I had messed up. I wanted to come back to Him but I didn't know how. I felt like I didn't deserve God's love and trust anymore but then I remembered that through everything God's love forever endures. I remembered that God loves us unconditionally and that He is ready to welcome us back like He did for the prodigal son as long as we come back to Him and admit that we messed up big time. I remembered that the grace of God was there to help me off the ground and find my way back to the presence of the Lord. All this time I was away from my Heavenly father I felt lost, miserable and empty. I was looking for ways to give my life a new meanings and for things to fill a void that only God could fill. I thought I had nothing and that maybe, because I had been such a horrible child to my Father, I wasn’t worth being loved. But through all that, when I came back to Him he said to me “My grace is enough”. And it truly was. I just couldn’t see it because of the raging storms in my heart and in my life. But hitting rock bottom made me realize it. Now… you may feel like you have it all. And it’s fine; To each one its own experience in life. But for me, I know I didn’t have it all back then but now I do and I have never been so much at peace and happy in my life, even in times of trials and battles.

It doesn’t matter how bad you’ve messed up, what matters is finding the courage to get back to your heavenly father and say: “Lord…. I messed up big time and I regret it. I am so sorry about it. Please forgive me and help me get back on my feet and be a better person. Wash away my sins and make me a better person. I surrender to you and to your grace and I pray that you do your work in me”. That’s it… that’s all you have to do but you really have to mean it because there is no point in saying you’re sorry if you’re going to do that again. the grace is about finding a way back to good not a free pass to present whenever you mess up intentionally and wave it in god’s face and be like “here God… here is the grace free pass. Can I get in now?” no… it doesn’t work that way.
So no matter where you are in life… Remember that the love of God is bigger, deeper and better than anything you could ever envision and that His grace is enough. Enough to forgive you, to reintroduce you back into his presence, enough to justify you with His word, enough to go from sinner to being part of those understanding the true meaning of SWAG and using their story as a testimony of God’s love, grace and mercy.

I hope this post edified you. I am not forcing my opinion or beliefs on you. Just sharing my story in hope that it will help someone, somewhere reading this. God Bless you.

Damn Charlotte! Back at it with the Full Fat Lashes

Welcome back to the blog! Today's article is kind of a target audience article as it is the first one inaugurating the Beauty Section I have recently added to my blog (among others). And for this first article, I thought about reviewing a product I have been using for a while now and which has come across as my holygrail of mascara. Now I can be very picky when it comes to make up (Sephora reps know about this...) so when I say it is the holygrail of mascara it is not an understatement.

Throwback to an impromptu study abroad summer 2014 in London (somewhat prepared but mostly decided on a whim). I had been following few beauty bloggers from the UK and one of them seemed to be obsessed with Charlotte Tilbury. So of course, on my bucket list of things to do upon arriving to London was to figure out what the hype about that brand was by trying one or a few products. So one day after class, I walked from my campus (on New Cavendish St) to the John Lewis store located on Oxford Street. Of course that day I wasn't sure I would find a Charlotte Tilbury counter but I was hoping at least to find somebody that could point me in the right direction. So I walked in and surprise! I saw a Charlotte Tilbury counter. I started looking around, trying to wrap my mind around the multitude of products on display and at the same time, convincing myself that I didn't need to buy everything because a) I didn't need to buy everything and b) I couldn't afford it.

A lady then approached me and asked me if I need help finding something. Obviously I didn't because hello?! I knew nothing about the brand back then. So instead of treating me like an idiot and rolling her eyes to the point of hurting her own self (like most people at makeup counters do here in the US...), she smiled and courteously started introducing me to the brand and the best sellers. She offered to makeup my eyes in order for me to try some of the products and that's when I was introduced for the first time to Charlotte Tilbury Full Fat Lashes mascara. When I saw my eyes and the way my lashes looked after only ONE coat I knew I had found the one. My lashes had never looked so full and luscious in all the years I had been using mascara. It was ridiculous!

The mascara comes into a beautiful night crimson glossy box, with the name of the product and the brand name written in gold. It looks fancy (which it should considering th fact that CT is a Luxury brand). You get 8 mL of product that claims the ability to :

• provide some amount of curling to the lashes via the 5-grooved brush deposits the optimal line of mascara along the lash line, pushing your lashes up and out.
• separate your lashes thanks to a brush designed with fine-tipped bristles that catch every lash, no matter how short or fine, coating them in black brilliance.
• give you lashes volume thanks to the glossy black formula of the mascara that creates full-on, voluptuous, outrageous lashes that don’t drop onto your cheeks.
• lengthen you lashes as the maximum bristle count covers every lash to the very tip, to create the perfect flutter.
• give you dramatic lashes: the 5-STAR brush creates a 3-dimensional flutter. Good bye spider lash and hello feather lash – lashes are finely separated, creating that “false lash” multi-layer effect.

Now one thing you have to know is that I have always had curly and short eyelashes, not much of them but this mascara helped me make the best out of them. It doesn't do much in terms of curl and drama. I would say it is gives more of a natural look with more defined eyes as it separates and lengthens the eyelashes thus making your eyes more open. I have tested it, loved it and worn it for 2 years now. This mascara  retails for $29 on Charlotte Tilbury's website as well as on Nordstrom for the same price.

Two things that are worth keeping in mind before buying this product are a) it is a bit on the pricy side for a mascara and b) it is NOT waterproof so it might smudge BUT! to my opinion it is a great mascara overall and a great addition to a makeup bag.

If you have tried it let me know what you think about it :)

Until next time...
xo

I am a woman and I can: Celebrating International Women's Day

March 8th was international women day and I couldn’t help but think how the progress that has been made when it comes to women right. This train of thoughts was sparked well before that day, more specifically the weekend leading to the international women’s day week, when laying down on my couch I was watching the suffragette. This movie is a British historical period drama that narrates the fight of the first feminism group, Suffragettes (hence the name of the movie) requesting a right to exercise their voting power just as men.

This movement  started in 1897 with the foundation of the National Union of Women’s Suffrage with led by Millicent Fawcett. Like any good leader, Millicent Fawcett believed in peaceful protest and in the power of words to make changes happen and obtain the right to vote she and many other women believe they deserved. Although her approach was noble, it made other women grow angry and frustrated as progress too long to be noticed. So Emmeline Pankhurst and her daughters Christabel and Sylvia founded in 1903 the Women’s Social and Political Union which later became better known as The Suffragettes.

Unlike Millicent, the Suffragettes were ready to use any means to make their voices heard as long as in the long rung they obtained what they were fighting for: Voting rights. What started as a peaceful movement rapidly turned a radical movement and the violence used by the authorities certainly did not make them back down. In 1912, the suffragette started using extreme measures to force change: they started burning churches, attacking politicians and bombing their houses. One of the suffragettes, Emily Wilding Davidson, threw herself under King Ander’s Horse on June 9th 1913 as a desperate act to get the world's attention, thus becoming the first Suffragette martyr. It is only in 1918 that the Representation of the People Act was passed by the British Parliament, granting women limited suffrage (only women over 30 could vote) and ten years later (1928) the right to vote on an equal basis with men.

Protests like this one to give women more rights were organized around the world by leaders and feminists who did not shy away when facing obstacles. They sacrificed everything they had and sometimes their lives so that the upcoming generations could have what they didn’t have. But even with that,  there are still some disturbing facts that are worth mentioning and here are a few of them:

• Every 90 seconds, a woman dies during pregnancy or childbirth. Most of these deaths are preventable, but due to gender-based discrimination many women are not given the proper education or care they need.

• As many as 1 in 4 women experience physical or sexual violence during pregnancy.

• Women make up 80% of all refugees and displaced people. Instruments of genocide such as sexual violence and rape are often directed at women and girls.

• Women account for 70% of the population living in absolute poverty (on less than $1.00 a day).

• Over 60 million girls worldwide are child brides, married before the age of 18.

• 603 million women live in countries where domestic violence is not yet considered a crime.

Let’s not also forget about the girls who aren’t in school because of gender discrimination; those who don’t have access to the most basic things such as hygienic pads when they have their periods and are excluded from their communities during their "week of shame". Let’s not forget about the pay gap which does not seem to get any smaller despite all the efforts being made. Let’s also not forget about sexual harassment at work and all those things that the world doesn’t seem to see.

 

We have come a long way and at the light of the progress that has been made, I can't help but take pride in being a woman who is educated, part of a field largely dominated by men, who can training BJJ, who just beat the odds that some of my female peers did not. And if nothing else motivates me in life, this will always motivate me and make me want to be the best and give my best because I am at a place where not many can say they are at and I am blessed. And if you are a woman you should feel that way too because no matter where each one of us stand in life, we have had to face hurdles and fight battles that brought us where we are and made us who we are today and we have come a long way.

This article is an acknowledgement and celebration of  the people who before us traced a better route so that we could walk on it, remembering all that has been done. Let’s make sure that we don’t just stop and let it be it but instead, let's keep making that route better too for future generations and pass on that legacy. Let’s allow our deeds to change the world and build upon the strong foundations that have already been laid out for us in such as way that we can provide more opportunities for women to become accomplished leaders, scientists, artists or whatever they want to be because they have the right to, but mostly because they can afford it.

Friday Talk: The transition

I thought about what had happened to me so far and how the hardest I was trying to make things go in the direction I wanted them to, the more they drifted away… And I thought maybe it’s not about what I want… Maybe it’s about what I needed at the moment. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and if the things I was holding so close to my heart and that I wanted were not happening despite all the efforts I was doing then maybe it wasn’t the right time or these things were just not meant for me. Maybe it was a time for me to learn to let go of how I wanted life to go and enjoy the way it was at the moment and learn the lessons I had to learn. Maybe it was time for me to learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Maybe it was a time to for me to learn to embrace the transition and get accustomed to the unknown and to all the possibility it was bringing to me.

Being fresh out of college and entering adulthood is a hard transition, a place where most of us get stuck because a) we don’t have the answers we are looking for, b) we don’t know how adulting works and c) we realize that all we have been taught in class cannot be used in real life when it comes to answering normal questions a 20 something young adult is asking himself/herself. Adulting is hard, it takes away the red carpet you have been walking on in college – while you are still standing on it- and makes you land on the cold, hard ground on your butt (if you’re lucky enough) or on your head. My fall was on my head… Still hurts from time to time when I think about the dreams I had and where I stand in life right now but like I always say everything happens for a reason. 

But just because I landed on my head and that my life looks nothing like what I thought it would when I graduated from college doesn’t meant that my dreams are dead… Not at all… To quote Paul Angone , I am growing them and one day, when it is time, they will blossom. I know it sucks to settle for something you didn’t sign up for just because you have obligations and have to go through life; but believe that out of that something that sucks, life is trying to teach you valuable lessons that will serve you in growing those dreams of yours. So don’t give up just yet. Let life happen, take note, navigate through the shallow waters to the best of your abilities and keep growing those dreams, water them, feed them, keep the passion alive and one day they will blossom and you will be thanking yourself for not giving up.