From Charcoal To Diamond: A pledge To Lift "The Curse"

A few days ago I was about to turn off the TV when I stumbled upon a documentary that would forever bug the shit out of my mind. It has and it still does no matter how many time I tried to shake it off and move on. This documentary was about Kalief Browder, a young man who was put in prison for a crime he didn't commit for 3 years without any trial. The most shocking thing about the story for me wasn't necessarily that he was put in jail for allegedly stealing a back pack (3 years for a back pack... I know...) but rather, the fact that he spent most of these 3 years in solitary confinement. As I was watching the story, I felt my heart sink a little bit more every minute passing and by the time I was done, I was laying down in bed with the lights off but incapable to fall asleep. I was exhausted but I couldn't shut my eyes because all I could see was this young man's face and all I could think about was how he got robbed of his happiness, life and future for something he did not do. I couldn't fall asleep because something in me was broken: the silly idea that we all had a chance to make it in life. I was in my bed thinking: "why being black has to be such a bad thing? Why does it have to be a burden that weights down on you wherever you are in life? Why does it have to equate a life where you go from trial to trial, always trying to prove yourself, work 100x more than anybody else just because your skin produces more melanin than others?" I was racking my mind for answers that I could not find for my own sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed of my skin color, I am just baffled and heartbroken when I look around me and all I tend to think about is how being black appears to be a curse or rather a death sentence some of us will never have the chance to escape. But there was more to it than those thoughts. There was something really bothersome about that story that I couldn't pinpoint. I don't know if what bothered me was the fact that this young man was left to rot in jail for something that he didn't do or the fact that he hang himself because he couldn't carry on with the emotional / psychological damages he suffered (and that were beyond repair) while I was graduating from college. Perhaps it was the idea that I was looking forward to a future that someone who was only 2 years younger than me was also contemplating but never got a chance to live because his future, aspirations, potential and hope were silently chocked away in between 4 walls, 23hrs/day for 3 years. Chocked to the point where once he got out, he couldn't stop drowning in the stormy sea formed by his repressed tears and emotions. Or perhaps it was the idea that if it happened to him, it could happen to anybody who belongs to the black community. I could happen to me ...  For the sake of me, I couldn't pick one thing to be bothered with because to me, the toxic and explosive mix all these thoughts/ feelings brought, was heartbreaking, sickening, and gut wrenching.

                As bothersome as this internal monologue and back and forth between emotions and reason was, it led me to an important realization. It made me realize that I was part of the few who were graced with countless opportunities to swim countercurrent and make something out of life. I realized that I was one of the few people upcoming generations could look up to as an example and inspiration to change and reshape the world; an exception to the  false belief that black people are lazy, incapables, ignorant, criminals and doomed to do nothing with their lives. Most importantly, I realized that all I have been blessed with was not to take for granted and that I had a duty to represent my community in the highest and most dignified way in a fight where statistics had already sealed our fate. A fight to be the best, to break the stereotypes and lift the "black" curse one student/ youngster at a time until we can finally shine and be recognized for our accomplishments rather than the labels we are wrongly associated with. So I won't plead guilty to being black and silently accept a sentence that will dim my shine and force me to shrink . But instead, I will expand and let my light shine: I will pledge allegiance to hope and a bright future, to an opportunity to make a change and give us a chance.

Until then,
xo

You Are Right Where You Are Supposed To Be

As humans we have in ourselves aspirations, ambitions and a desire to go further than we already are. Sometimes for the good reasons: to be the first one in our family to go to college, to turn our dreams into reality, to “make it out of the hood” and give young generations hope and strength to make it too. Sometimes it is for the wrong reasons: to be seen for the bling and the money, for privileges, power or fame, or sometimes because we are lusting after what other people have because as humans, we always think that the grass is always greener on the other side. Whatever our reasons are, most of the time as we chase after those things we want, we forget to stop for a minute. To thank God for what we have, to pause and realize how blessed we are even though we are not where we want to be yet. To be content as we remember the times we prayed for the things we have now, while still praying for those we are still chasing after.
Journeying through life, I have learned a lot. I am not the epitome of wisdom but I have learned two or three things that younger me couldn’t have grasped back then. I have learned to pace myself, to enjoy the journey and not rush to the destination because the knowledge/ skills acquired though the journey is what will allow us to be successful in life. I have learned that we all have our own timing for things to happen in our lives, whether good or bad. It is easy to look at where other people are in life and want to rush to get there. We envy them without really knowing what they have been through in life, what their story looked like before you met them and how it was written. The truth is we all have different stories and different paths to walk and perhaps if we weren’t so caught up trying to live other people’s live, we would have the chance to explore avenues that led us to better horizons. Horizons better than what we would have ever imagined. I have also learned that some chapter in life won’t have a name until later in life. Why? Because some things don’t make sense until later in life, when we actually get to use the skills we acquired from being through tough situations in life; when we go through the storm and make it to the sunny side, only to look behind and see someone going through what we went through and realize we are for that person the help we never got. I got to understand that sometimes we go through life’s motion without any clue, only to figure out later that everything that happens was for a purpose.
So matter where you stand in life at the moment, take a deep breath, be still for a minute and be grateful. Understand that you are right where you are supposed to be: who you where, the tools you had got you to where you stand in life right now and everything (good and bad) that you went through serves a purpose. You might not understand now but one day it will all make sense.

Until then,

xo