For years, I have been stuck in a mental stronghold and it is that “nobody cares”. Funny how said like that it sounds much more sinister than the “nobody cares: work harder” picture frame that was on the wall of my former Jiujitsu school. One pushed you to go beyond your fear of ridicule in order to improve and the other did the opposite: keep you from the perceived ridicule of that comes with vulnerability. I lived life caring too much for what people would think and say about me and my life while at the same time harboring the belief that whether things were good or bad nobody cared. It is a belief that has led me to live a life of isolation even when I was (and still am) surrounded by loving people who genuinely wanted to walk life with me.
And I will not lie, it is a heavy burden to carry. One that, albeit I could decide any day to drop, but if you have ever tried to drop a bad habit and form a new one, you know how difficult it can be. And not too long ago, this weight got heavy. So heavy that it seemed to crush every good thing in me. So heavy that it was breaking my heart a little bit. One Saturday morning, I got into my car, going about my business and I remember praying to God and being honest about how I felt not very loved and appreciated and asking Him for a God Wink. I asked Him to show up and to remind me that I’m loved. And then I went about my business. The next day was a regular church day. So I got up and got ready and made my way to church. I get there and the Bishop mentioned that the florist he and his wife always go to wanted to do something special for the church: every women that attended service would receive a rose a the end of it. To some people it might seem like nothing but to me, it was an answered prayer. God knew. He was there. He orchestrated that surprise that specific Sunday after praying the prayer I prayed the day before to let me know that He heard me and that He cared. And that I was loved, cherished, and appreciated. I don’t believe in luck: I believe in divine timing/ appointments, and I know that God had planned for this so that I would be encouraged.
There was a side of me that didn’t want to include my feelings into my prayer. It is the part of me that has gotten very good at pretending all is well when all hell is breaking lose. The part of me that smiles at the world while crying myself to sleep in the intimacy of my darkest hours. But I went against everything that I know how to do so well because “nobody cares” and spoke to God because truly, if I can’t be honest with Him then who? And I am glad I did because if I hadn’t a) I wouldn’t gotten what I needed in that moment and b) I would have carried that burden for a while until it crushed me or until I projected my feelings/frustration onto somebody else and crushed them with some things that I absolutely nothing to do with them.
There are a few passages from the Bible that I want to leave you with that I hope will encourage you and fill you up when you feel like your cup is either running low or empty When you feel like the world around you does not care at all about what you feel, remember that God does and 1 Peter 5:7 says so : “Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you”. If you feel like you are not seen or heard and that you have no worth, hold on to Matthew 10:29-31 “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows”. More importantly, know that God you were worth a life according to John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
When you feel like being quiet about what you desire and need because you feel like you will never have “it” or that “it” seems impossible, remember Mathew 7: 11 “ If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” and James 4:2 “You do not have because you do not ask God.” But most importantly, remember that your father in Heaven can do
Whether you believe (or think) the world around you does not care about you: know that your Father in Heaven does and His Word is a testament of it. All you have to do is draw near and know that you are seen, heard and “loved with an everlasting love” Jere (31:3)
Until next time,
