A new week, a new article! I am running behind on my schedule but it’s better to be late than not make it. A few weeks ago I started a topic on recognizing unhealthy emotional patterns and taking the appropriate steps to break the cycle. If you haven’t read the first part of this article you can access it here. The first step to solve an issue is to acknowledge that there is an issue in the first place. Things don’t get easier from there but at least you know what you are trying to solve and you can come up with the appropriate strategy and pick the right tools for you to work you way out of the chaos you have been buried under and set yourself free. So without any further due, let me introduce you to my roadmap and/or strategy, hoping you will find some useful tools that can help you figure out where you stand, and hope to proceed to make it where you want to be.
1- Recognize the triggers & pinpoint when you first experienced whichever emotion you are feeling
You need to be able to figure out what triggered the specific emotions you are experiencing. Unless you do that you will never be able to figure out if there is a specific pattern that is being rereated over and over again because some emotions stem from a deeper place, from deeper wounds. So you need to figure out when was the first time you felt that specific emotion/feeling and why it happened to make a direct connection with the reaction you displayed. Only then will you be able to recognize the patterns and work your way to fix the emotional issues you are confronted with.
2- “Sit in the heartbreak of it”
This is a sentence from Iyanla Vanzant that I like a lot because it is one of the things that has helped me in my journey to fix myself. Whatever unresolved issue we carry around unconsciously is still affecting our behavior and emotions because we refused to deal with it. But the only way to move forward is to acknowledge the hurt, the pain or whatever feeling we are experiencing. Acknowledge that it is there, it exists, it is real, put a name on it and talk about why we feel that certain way.
3- Let it out
This was the hardest steps for me and I am still failing at it from time to time. Letting things out is a big struggle for me because most of my life, all I have ever done was internalize and move on with life. But the truth is I might have been doing well and moving in all the other areas of my life, but emotionally I was still stuck at the same place. There is a vital need to let things out. If you have a hard time like me opening up to people either because you have trust issues or because you don’t feel comfortable talking about things that are personal there are many other ways to let things out:
- Write about it
Keep a journal and write. About your emotions, about your struggles, about what it is that is bothering you.
- Cry
With the years passing, I have noticed that whenever I am experiencing negative feelings, I experience tension in my upper back, neck and shoulders and my plexus is tight. But as soon as I get a good and ugly cry, I can feel the tension go down significantly and the tightness goes away. Sometimes if you can't talk, your body will find ways to get rid of what is bothering you and crying is the most relieving one.
- Pray about it.
and say what it on your heart out loud. God knows what is in your heart but it is more of a therapy for you and if you feel the tears coming don’t block them: let them out and let them wash away the sorrows of your soul.
- Get physical
And I don’t mean start beating up on people. Nope. I mean go to the gym. When the struggle got real about a year ago and that I had reached my breaking point, I started training jiu jitsu and kickboxing. Hitting the bag helped me get rid of the frustration, the anger and the stuff that were bothering me so much that I was constantly twitching. Jiu jitsu on the other end helped me get to that peaceful place mentally and emotionally. It helped me sort out my thoughts and emotions and step off the mat with a clearer mind.
Often times we think that we can navigate through the emotional mess we are going through on our own. sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn’t. And there is no shame to acknowledge that you cannot do it on your own and that you need HELP. And if you do, seek it! whether it is professional help (counselor, therapist, psychologist), spiritual guidance or even a friend/ family member you can talk to and open up to. Do it. Because some burdens are too heavy to carry on your own and sometimes what you need to break free is a push or a person to point you in the right direction.
4- Let it go and move on
Once you have done the work, let out all you had bottled up and that was suffocating you and preventing you to be your absolute best, you need to work on releasing those negative emotions and memory and take back your power those things had over you. And the only way to reach that destination is by forgiving the people who hurt you and forgiving yourself. And once you do, don't go back and pick it up again. Leave it behind you and keep moving forward into your purpose and your greatness.
These are the things that I did (and still do) that help me but you are free to come up with your own ways of deal with your emotions and release the pain and the hurt that is blocking you. The struggle is real but the first step to getting better is acknowledging you are not okay and finding the right tools to do what needs to be done to move forward and get rid of the emotional baggage and the mountains you are carrying on your shoulders. Sending you love and good thoughts, hoping this will help you get through any storm you are going through right now.
Until next time,
xo
