Broke And Addicted

Welcome back to another article, one that I hope you can resonate with (you know I keep it real!). I still don’t have the magic formula for a one size fits all opening act for my articles. What a bummer… I know right? But really who needs something generic when you can have something special and extraordinary? Still working on delivering the extraordinary and when I successfully figure out how to make it happen, you’ll be the first person to know (I guarantee you!!!!) 

Too much talk and not enough time to say all I have to say and considering that time is money, I will get straight to the heart of my post: Money!!!!! I used to tell my sister that “money is just paper” but it is ironic how not having “paper” in your bank account or your wallet can make you go from happy to depressive as soon as you open your mailbox.

Hit me with the Rosé before I get the blues…

I feel like there is some sort of vortex where my money disappears as soon as I get paid! It’s like playing hide and seek with my paycheck except that once my money hides it’s all gone and I think I have gotten sick of that game. So I stopped playing… And consolidating my checkbook and bank account because quite franckly it is boring and the sight of how much money I spend on things that do not make me happy and do not go on display in my closet depress me even more. I was just tired of being jumped trying to live life as an adult.

current situation

So… I took another approach on money which I must admit put me in a much worse position: I started shopping and treating myself as many times as I can afford to. And one thing I can say about that is that it doesn’t happen often enough. However when it happens I am like an addict in a crackhouse. My debit card is on fire and my bank account drowning. Sounds familiar? You bet it does! I am not a heavy shopper but I enjoy quality things you know… staples a.k.a designer. And when I say designer, it is designer everything: clothes, bags, shoes, wallets, watches… And “OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” is literally the question I ask myself once the adrenaline from swiping my card and unboxing all I have paid is all settled down.

Me... After every single purchase I make, the most recent being a bag... Although the regrets lasted about 5 min... yeah whatever...

I do tend to think that I am in a toxic relationship with money and shopping and although it has gotten better with the years there are still relapse moments that do more damage than one swipe a week I swear… Know that say that goes by “don’t go grocery shopping when you are hungry”? well here is a better one “ Don’t go shopping when you bank account is loaded”… I mean if you work you butt off like me but you’re still finding yourself drowning under bills and want a break from the ridiculous overdraft fees charged by your bank then this is the advice for you; but if you are rich please ignore that suggestion (and *maybe* you can send some “paper” my way acknowledging you have indeed “ignored” my suggestion… no? well at least I tried).

I feel like for me shopping on a full bank account gives me a freedom that I don’t have in reality. It is just a delusional moment like being on bad acid where you feel like you’re invincible but the minute you go home and open your mailbox the monologue between your inner rich self and your in-reality broke self is on and about to go on until your next pay period. And this is not even the worst part! Hold on it gets worst! The worst part is the idea of looking all cute in all those designer stuff you bought but you can’t wear it because you can’t go out because you are broke!!! Ironic right? I know… I live that irony everyday…If I was getting a dollar every time I was broke I’d probably be a millionaire and of course my sister would be a billionaire… I’ll let that one sink for a minute…

If only scrap paper could turn into money or if we could live off monopoly bills and turn them into IOUs… But who am I kidding.. Life is not a wish granting factory…Well at least payday is coming so let’s toast to more bills and an even bigger monologue because my account is about to be loaded and we all know what that means…

Pretty sure maxing out my card comes first... So if you will excuse me... There is a ridiculous amount of designer goods waiting for me...

Dropping the S-word and Surviving Valentines Day

 

 Happy Valentines Day... I guess...

 

 

This past weekend was all about it. I wanted to put something up but I was recovering from minor health issues and I couldn't be bothered to talk about love when my body felt nothing like it. I spent most of my day at home... Watching movies. I guess that's what you sign up for when you're single right? Just you, your couch and Netflix which is anything I have ever had that resemble closely to a relationship. (Oh God... That sounded so lame...)

And that's probably why most people dread the S word. Those people don't want to hear it or live it, not to mention the fact that they don't want to be it. For some of them being single is like dying: There is nothing after that (I do believe there is a life after death though... But that's me)

 

 

 

 

How some people react when I am about to drop the S word

 

 

I used to be one of those people you know... Dreading the S-word. Running away from it like it was the plague when in fact it wasn't. I was just scared. Scared of what was awaiting for me on the other side, scared of the uncertainty and pain being single would bring to me. The truth is my relationship was everything to me. It was my entire world and I could not think a minute of what my life would be without that man that I loved with all my heart. But just like everything in life, the fairytale ended. Did it hurt? Yes. The pain was excruciating at times and I felt like it would take my breath away but it didn't. I woke up on the other side and something unexpected happened: I discovered that there was a life post breakup. It wasn't what I was used to: it wasn't luxurious as being in the arms of somebody you love and can't imagine your life without; it was painful and plagued with headaches from crying too much and endless nights of looking for answers and not being able to sleep. But it was life. I was still alive.

 

 

 

 

And then I learnt to do everything all over again. I started spending more time with myself working on myself by myself. I started to discover who I really was. I started exploring the deepest part of my soul I wasn't aware existed and before I realized I was in love with being single. I was alone but not lonely. I gave myself freedom and permission to write my story, the story of my life the way I wanted, with any colored pen I wanted because being single gave me that power. I broke free from the misconception that being single was equating being an unhappy, whinnying young lady that would end up like a bum. Being single gave me a perception of life I didn't have before and I am grateful for that.  And I am not ashamed of saying I'm single when friends and acquaintances don't seem to be able to finish their sentences.

 

 

Friend: so you're still... *makes a weird face*

Me: what? single?

Friend: *cringes* yes that...

Me :

Besides the fact that people make being single seem like I have an incurable disease or a stage 4 cancer, I don't find it bothersome because some of my most amazing years where the ones where I was single. Do I miss being in a relationship? Sometimes but above everything,  I miss having a genuine and true connection. And because I have so many examples of what true love is supposed to be like, I won't settle for anything less than that. I'm working on being happy single so that a relationship can just be the icing on the cake. Everything will happen in due time but until then I'll be living the S life. 

 

 

 

xo

Struggles only curvy women understand

Let's face it: nobody is perfect and even though Mother Nature has blessed us with the most flattering features of all time (we all know what I mean here), we curvy women can't seem to get away with some of the below mentioned facts. And pretty much all of us will somehow cringe at the fact that we can totally relate to this whether it is on a daily basis or just when we go shopping and can't seem to be able to fit into anything nice and flattering!

1. The button down shirt gap aka sneak peek
if you mother nature blessed you with the greatest cleavage you never though you would have you understand that one. Like you literally see a shirt that is supposed to be your size. You think it will fit because well it is your size. You put it on and then all of the sudden you realize that you are giving the entire world a sneak peek to what is supposed to be hiding behind a buttoned shirt. Free preview!

2. No answer to the question "which size are you?"
such a hustle and you always have that weird face when the lady helping you shopping is asking you : which size are you? See, one curvy girl does not simply has one size. You have you regular size and you have your boobs size. But in reality your true size is your boob size lol. Why? Because if you can’t fit your boobs in, it doesn’t fit. Simple as that lol

3. One size never fits all
I never got the concept of that one size fits all. Like seriously... It never fits me. It is always too small and I feel like I can’t breathe in those types of outfits. It is more like one size fits most because excluding me. And I don’t get the point of this. I am just saying…

4. The never ending gap in your pants waist and the way-too-long struggles

you could fit a baby in there! Seriously! And this happens because you have to size up to have you butt fit in those jeans. It doesn’t matter if it is too long: after years of shopping that way you just tap into your shopping budget and go straight to the tailor to alter your jeans and make them look descent. Really shopping is a budget when you are curvy.

5. Cute stuff are never your size
you can’t have it all: either it is cute or it is your size. It rarely happens that it is both. Why? See #4 loool
It can happen that you find something cute in your size but let’s be realistic it doesn’t happen that often. And it is not that you are a plus size. It is just that you have been abundantly blessed and that Mother Nature has been more than generous to you. loool sad

And don’t even get me started on trying to make it through the finding a seat in the movie theater. Ring the Butt alert!!! It is all over the place and in everyone’s face! looool We might have a lot of struggles but at the end of the day, even though we will never be skinny minnies, we are happy with the way we look because guess what? We look daaaaaaaaaaamn good

Life at it's awkwardness...

Caution: do absolutely not attempt to read this post if you are in a library, at work and especially not if you are eating. You might end up choking and I decline all responsibility as, I myself, upon writing this article almost choked twice on what I found and was few seconds away from peeing myself on the third time.

Ever had one of those awkward life moment that makes you want to burry yourself at first but then makes the best stories ever to talk about during dinner or when chilling with friends?

Well I’ve found a few of them and made a ranking of my five favorites and I hope you guys like it and don’t laugh to hard

5- Awkward greeting moment: the Hugshake

This has actually happened to me and I know most of us can relate to that: one of those awkward moment you meet someone you haven’t seen in a while and as you get close to each other you feel that anxiety come up and in your head you are trying to figure out if it is going to be a handshake or a hug. You figure out it’s been a while so a hug would be a good way to appear friendly. But the other person thinks well… it’s been a while so a handshake would be best. You reach for a hug, the other person is reaching for a handshake. Thought process screen showing: no match found! And that’s how you end up with an unexpected hugshake people!

I totally relate to you girl… And really this is the best that can happen to you rather than reaching for the handshake and your hand actually reaches for some other, very awkward places... hmmm. Gross… let’s proceed lol

4- High five awkward moment

We’ve pretty much all had that one and this has especially happened to me a couple of times with elders trying to get into the youth vibe. And believe me! There is nothing wrong with that! I find it actually cool that elders try to tune in to the youth adults but that awkward high five is one of those moments that totally throw you off. You reach for it and woops… missed it lol: congratulations! you just high fived the air. The worst is when there is actually a miscommunication somewhere along the way: you reach for a high five the old dude is reaching for a fist bump: five bump! You are just like wut? And then they want to try again and you are just like… let’s just revert to the ol’ ways: handshake sir! Thank you J

(Case is also valid for friends! Lol)

3- Wrong apartment

Ever happened that you are so tired, after a long night on your papers that you literally try to get into the wrong apartment after getting an important parcel from the mailman? Well sign me in!

This was one of the scariest days of my life. See, I couldn’t think straight that morning and after getting picking on my mail and climbing the stairs to the first floor, I just opened the main door and since on my floor my apartment is the first one, obviously I tried to open the first door I found, not even looking at the door number. After trying all the keys on my key holder I got upset, started to knock (loudly please…) on the door and called my roommate being like “please open the door”. All the sudden the door opened and I was horrified to realize this was not my roommate and even better! It was definitely NOT my apartment. Oh my GOD… my heart dropped in my stomach. I was so scared that I could actually feel my face getting pale. My neighbor was soooo upset I couldn’t even say a word… this was so awkward that I went straight back to bed in hope that some sleep will get my ideas straight. Starting your day at the police station is certainly not the first thing you would think of when you wake up. Thank god this didn’t happen to me. Man…. That would have been weird…

2- Wardrobe malfunction

There are some days where everything feels right, almost perfect except your wardrobe. You wake up fine this morning and let’s say you ran a little being on the time that was allotted to you to get ready. So of course, as a commuter, you rush a little to make it on time to work. you get out of your house and walk to the bus stop. Ride all the way to the stop in front of the train station and cross the street to catch the train. You take the train and get to work, go to your board meeting at nine and then do whatever you have to do. And then you go to lunch with you coworker and as you finish passing your order, you turn around and realize they are all in a circle, talking and glancing at you at time. Then one of then finally walks up to you and says: “dude, your d*ck is showing”

And you just go over your entire morning, all the looks you got from the random people you met on your way and even your coworkers at your meeting, thinking it was because you looked so sharp and your hair was so damn sleek! Man… It was about your thingy not being in the right place rather than you looking so fine… awkward moment…

1-     Autocorrect

This one is my absolute favorite ever! It is so sad at the moment and so awkward especially when some wrong words are not meant to be in that message and your boss or a coworker is supposed to get that message.

Example of a very unfortunate case:

“you coffee is on my d*ck

I meant D*CK

DESK! DESK! I meant DESK! Oh my god… I am going to go kill myself right now”

The friend or relative versions of the autocorrect fails are definitely the most valid ones!

Bwahahaaa I was totally dying laughing about those unfortunate autocorrect fails and I have selected a few of them I will leave you on. You can find more here if you ever want to choke yourself while laughing or make people think you are totally mental because you laugh and cry both at the same time in your cubicle, on the train or in the library. Enjoy J

C'est la vie!

“ Apprendre à rire de soi, c'est un chemin joyeux vers la sérénité.” Rien (je trouve) mieux que cette phrase ne résume parfaitement une situation a la quelle j’ai été confrontée il n’y a pas si longtemps que cela. Apprendre à rire de soi est une expérience, un examen que chacun de nous est amené a passer dans la vie d’une manière ou d’une autre. Pour ma part, le but de cet « examen » est de se rendre compte que l’on est tous potentiellement des cibles du hasard et que certaines choses échappent parfois à notre control. Ceci étant, certains de ces « facteurs »  échappant a notre control peuvent nous mettre dans des situations très embarrassantes dont je suis sur certains diront : « avec le temps on finit par en rire mais sur le coup ce n’est pas très drôle ». pour moi ce ne fut pas le cas : bien que la situation fut embarrassante, je dois avouer que j’en ai ri depuis l’instant ou j’y est été confrontée et je dois avouer que jusqu’à ce jour j’en ri encore (LOL).

Ce jour-là, j’étais de debout de bon matin et ayant fini de me préparer pour me rendre au boulot, je suis prise d’une envie saugrenue de me chausser de ma plus belle paire d’escarpins qui a mon gout n’avaient pas été assez portés. Je sors donc de chez moi et j’arrive à mon travail. Je reçois beaucoup de compliments et je suis plutôt fière de mon allure et de ma prestance alors que je me déplace de salle en salle, rien de plus normal  considérant ma « profession ».

Jusqu’ici la journée se déroule bien : j’ai fini ce que j’ai à faire au travail et je dois me mettre en route pour un rendez-vous que je dois honorer. Je prends donc mes affaires et descends les escaliers. Je sors du bâtiment et à ma grande surprise je constate qu’il neige. Ca complique tout : je n’avais pas prévu ce facteur la dans mon équation du jour et avec les  talons... je pense au temps fou que je vais perdre pour arriver à mon rendez-vous. Ayant quitté mon office un peu plus tôt, je me rassure en me disant qu’au pire des cas, ce sera un retard de quelques minutes. Je fais donc mon bout de chemin pour emprunter le métro et quelques minutes plus  tard, j’arrive au lieu du rendez-vous. Tout se déroule bien et après une heure et quelques minutes il est maintenant temps de s’en aller. Je prends mes affaires et je pars et c’est là que le destin choisi de me donner une claque. Il fait froid, il neige, il peut, je me précipite pour pouvoir rattraper le train et rentrer oubliant presque que dehors c’est une vraie patinoire. Tout d’un coup vlan ! en une fraction de seconde je me retrouve à genou, face contre terre. Il me faut quelques secondes pour réaliser que je viens de faire une chute légendaire qui au lieu de m’irriter suscite tout de suite un fou rire. Les quelques passants qui avaient suivi la scène se précipitent pour me demander si ça va, à la fois surpris de la vitesse à laquelle la scène s’est passée et un peu inquiétés par le danger de ma chute vertigineuse. Je me relève avec dignité et très amusée et je réponds avec le peu de sérieux que je peux rassembler : « ca va ne vous en faites pas. Juste quelques égratignures mais je survivrais »

Et ce n’est pas  peu de le dire ! je me suis tapée la honte de ma vie en pleine rue, j’en ai même ris et je respire encore. C’est bien là la preuve que le ridicule ne tue pas et qu’apprendre à rire de soi rend les choses moins dramatiques qu’elles le sont. Et après avoir vue cette vidéo sur laquelle je vous laisse j’ai réalisé qu’il y avait pire qu’une chute en pleine rue, qu'un jean déchiré au genou et une chasse au sparadrap dans les pharmacies environnantes pour cacher un genou qui crie au scandale des chutes en talons sous la neige. Alors souriez, la vie est belle!

A guide to surviving Organic chemistry

It is weird how walking into a class on the first day you already have a feeling about the class, the professor, your classmates, and your semester. It almost makes you want to run away screaming and bumping into anyone you meet on your quest to find the nearest exit to save your life. This is exactly how I felt the first day I walked into my Organic chemistry class. I thought well… it is the beginning of the semester and you generally feel that way… adding a tad- bit of nostalgia especially if you had an epic summer like the one I had. Anyway… you assume that the dizziness-fainting type of symptoms you experience (coupled with nausea) upon entering the class will get away as time passes. Trust me… you are so wrong it will fade but it will constantly haunt you and around exams time be as virulent as the flu!

 

 

Some people say that organic chemistry is not hard. Well it is not if you are Asian, or if chemistry is your major (then it better not be hard otherwise you are oh-so screwed!)  or if you really are into this type of topics meaning if you reaaaaally reaaaaally reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaally like chem, then maybe it will not be hard (at least for the first couple of classes). Wait until you get into the whole fischer projection , SN1, SN2, E1, E2 mechanisms with regiospecificity or stereochemistry… you are going to feel like your instructor is speaking everything besides English.

 

 

 

I like to define orgo as another language and it truly is another language. You have to learn how to “speak” organic chemistry and boy this has nothing to do with learning Spanish or whatever. Of course it demands a lot of practice like learning any other language does. But at least, you can incorporate languages into you daily life. With organic the reality can be cruel and oh-so rude: forget your dream of having a life when school is in session, train your body to sleep a minimal amount of hours, be prepared to the fact that your stress level is going to be sky-rocketing during these next 4 months you will be taking it. You will eat, breathe, talk organic chemistry, you will dream about it. In one word it will oversaturate your life and ruin it. That’s how you will know that you are doing well in that class.

 

 

 

I got fooled by my professors saying “Organic is not hard, you just have to put in the time, but most importantly you should not dread it”. I was so gullible… ORGANIC IS HARD! Especially that it is not the only class you will be taking! But! Don’t get overstressed or overscared… just dread it enough to keep up with your work and read your notes and your book and you can be guaranteed that you are increasing your chances of passing the class. Passing with a good grade is a whole other level I was aiming at the beginning of the semester but I realized that I wasn’t being realistic: I had to rescale my expectations and aim for more realistic goals. One thing you should never ever EVER do though is miss a class and if you do, PLEASE, I BEG YOU get notes from someone else and catch up with your work. Because if you do fall behind guess what happens? Well… you're screwed. and don't even think about locking yourself in your room the night before your final thinking you can catch up a whole semester worth of work. Very bad idea. How do I know? I tried...

 

 

Do you feel stressed after reading this? If yes then good! That adrenaline will boost you and turn you into the superman (superwoman) of organic chemistry. It will be hard but at the end your efforts will pay and maybe somewhere along the way you will have as much fun as I had taking organic chemistry.

Signed: a survivor of organic chemistry

The most awesome place in the world...

Have you ever looked at a picture of one of those heavenly beautiful beaches under a sunset and told yourself : “this would be the most awesome place in the world to be and live at ”. It is peaceful, beautiful, appealing: yes you are definately right in your one of our most attainable and original dreams. But in your daily life what would be the most awesome place to be at? Some people would say the bedroom. There was a time it used to be the most awesome place in the world for me too you know. It is the only kingdom you get to rule on, your most honest subjects being your bed and your pillows and your closest friends your books, the playstation and your laptop (when your friends are not over your house of course!) . But then I found another place that was as awesome as my bedroom could be. As much as I loved it, I had to recognize that my Bathroom was the most awesome place in the world (after my bedroom). Although a loooot (and when I say a lot, the word is weak) of things happen in the bedroom we must give a thumb up to the bathroom.

I mean come on… it is the best place for people like us to sing: water is on, you sing out loud, no one can hear so no one can judge! LOL… so sad (I seriously need to take some classes). And when you have to do number one, number two or number three (it’s one and two), well you are glad you are in your bathroom, on the toilet A.K.A the Throne rather than in your bed. you can take a break to read that book that you have never been able to finish until that gastro from the food you had last night. I know… it is not easy to keep yourself calm and have your mind focused to read a book when you are perspiring and suffering as if you were about the leave your intestines in the toilet. But! You can always have a book-break in between two stomach spasms just in case you know … you are bored and you need to entertain yourself ( don't "ewww" me you know exactly what it is like and you probably are the one having the gastro right now and reading that on your fone while you are siting on your throne, in your bathroom)

My bathroom is my inspiration place. It is weird that it is always when I am taking a shower that I have the most f*****g brilliant ideas for my own personal life as well as for my blog. And most of the time it is on the eve of the publication or hours before it that I am like “I got it!” but then I have no paper, no pencil and duuuh! There is water and soap everywhere! Seriously… someone should create a waterproof paper or something like that to keep track of the most awesome ideas I ever had (PS: yes that one came up also when I was taking a shower!)

A bathroom is not always about just take a shower or a s#!t you know. It is also a place where I can have a “me” time and think about my life, make plans and think more deeply about rational stuff ( think about random stuff also works when my brain is too tired to process information in order). It is also a place where you can let the water run and cry without being heard, sit and be creative,  practice of your photography talents in front of your mirror or just smoke pot (lol not a fan of it but some people do it … again I am not judging!). I also loooove to play guitar in my bathroom because the echo is the perfect tool to tune the voice and the guitar. I could stay there for hours playing and enjoying the beauty of what i can sanely play at the guitar ( it doesn't happen a lot but when it does it's dope!)

It is amazing the number of things (usual as well as very unusual) that can be done in a bathroom and I am sure there are still a lot of stuff I need to learn about. For now I will stop here and if you think your bathroom is also one of the most amazing place in the world may you find some happiness there :)

 

 

“If I want to be alone, some place I can write, I can read, I can pray, I can cry, I can do whatever I want - I go to the bathroom.” - Alicia Keys.