" I do"

We all have had that dream at least once in our lifetime: the proposal, THE ring, the wedding. The city hall and the church: that moment where you say to your partner, in front of every single person you know (and some that you don’t even know), “I do”.

For us women what we think about most of the time, from the moment we get engaged to the D-day, is the white dress, the bridesmaids outfit, and the colors palette for the wedding, the number of guests, etc… not really realizing how important this next step in our lives is until we actually get married. Getting married is more than getting in a wedding dress or having a wonderful reception. It is more than the presents you receive at your wedding or the congratulations from all those who are present that day. Marriage is deeper than that: it is about spending the rest of your life with someone else. A good friend of mine used to make a joke about marriage saying: "it is the only market where the products you "buy" can neither be returned nor exchanged”. Marriage is for life and the vows pronounced should be taken seriously.

For decades now, we have been living in a society where giving up at the first sign of adversity or storm has been encouraged. I recently was wandering around on the internet and I saw a picture of a couple who has been married for 65 years. I was stunned… I was thinking how is it possible? How can this be? I clicked on the link to read a little bit about the secret of that long-lasting marriage and I saw a quote from an interview they did. The journalist asked them what is it that kept them together for 65 years and the answered really got me thinking. The woman said and I quote: "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away...” (more than saying)

It is sad how more and more people are resigning from their responsibilities and duties to make their union work. It could be due to many reasons going from the transformation of marriage into a business market, cheating, lack of communication and trust, to the fact that people get married sometimes for the wrong reasons or divorce for the wrong reasons. Nothing is for sure. I have seen people who were married for 5 years split because they realized their marriage was not meant to be but I have also seen people who have been married for 20, 40, 50 years fill out for a divorce most of the time because “the last file” on top of the already long pile of “wrongs” made everything fall apart. It can happen to everyone and I am not judging. What I am saying is that marriage is a commitment for life, the minute you say “I do” you are conscious about what you are signing for, about the fact that there will be “better” but also “worse” and you have to get through all that and make it happen even in times where you won’t find the strength to because guess what? You have to!

“I vow to help you love life.

To always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands.

To speak when words are needed,and to share the silence when they're not.

To agree, to disagree, on red velvet cake.

And to live within warmth of your heart, and always call it home.”

-Paige, “The Vow”

“I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”

-Leo, “The Vow”

This is a great quote from one of my all-time favorite movie: “The vow” (great movie to watch especially with your significant other J). Long story short: Leo meets Paige, they date for a while and they get married. One day after a movie night, Paige and Leo who are on their way back home get into a car accident and Paige loses all memories of her lifetime being married to Leo. As he vowed, he tried everything to win her back and he finally does despite the fact that she never recovered her memory. For those of you who will be tempted to say it is just a movie, you need to know that it has been inspired from the story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. When the couple was interviewed and asked about how they got back together and manage their way through that mess, mr Carpenter said: “You make a promise before God with your wedding vows, You have to take that seriously”(Fox News). They knew that there would be days with and days without but they were ready to “hang in there” and get through this no matter what.

This should be a great inspiration for us in term of how deep a commitment such as getting married is as well as how solemn the vows we pronounce are. It should encourage us before we take that huge step (in which there should be no turning back) to ask us important questions such as: Am I getting married for the good reasons? Am I ready to spend the rest of my life with someone else? Am I conscious about what I am signing for by saying “I do” and am I sure about it? Because marriage is something to be taken seriously and when the celebration is going to be over, it will be only you and your partner and God (if you are a believer). If you answered yes to all that then you surely will find a way to make things work in your marriage even during the most raging storms, you will surely find “a way back to each other”.