Let me start by saying that if you came here hoping that you will read something along the line of : “ the No Contact is the guaranteed way you will get your ex back” you got the wrong blog and the wrong article. I won’t sell you that BS here. Granted it works but my point here is not to tell you why it works to get your ex back. My point is to tell you why it works in helping you healing, get back on your feet and move on with your life.
We have all been there you know. Whether the break up just
popped up like an unplanned pregnancy or after a big fight it crept in slowly
into the relationship, breaking up sucks. And if somebody tells you otherwise
or if you believe otherwise, then you or they weren’t really in love. A breakup
is one of the suckiest moments an individual can go through in life, but one
that can come with the most amazing and rewarding 360 in life that can leave you
in awe of the new person you have become. And this happens only with two
conditions reunited and necessary for to create the space needed to evolve: 1)
you need to surrender to your feelings (at least for a period of time) and 2)
you have to let go.
The first step is the most difficult one and the one most
people tend to skip or forcefully fast forward. Wrong move. I have made
it a point to not let anybody dictate to me the way I feel. And you shouldn’t
either. You are entitled to feel any type of way after a relationship ends
because it was a connexion. And in some cases not only are you losing a lover,
you are also losing your best friend. And this will not got unnoticed for your
heart or your soul. So you need to be honest with yourself and just surrender.
You yourself are enough to heal your pain and nurture your soul in order for it to grow and transition from brokenness to wholeness. And the truth is you are. You are enough to nurture and heal
your soul by acknowledging what it feels and being in touch with your emotions,
by praying and by doing the work you need to get yourself out of the pit. Ignoring
your emotions or the state in which you soul/heart are in after a breakup is
the perfect recipe for disaster. We ruin our own lives and in the process of
doing so we ruin other people lives. Instead of loving them with a fully healed
and healthy heart/soul, we love them with the pieces we have left and when it’s not
enough, we turn them into collateral damages that only express the degree to
which we feel hurt, broken and incomplete. The first step to heal is to acknowledge the
existence of the wound and address it.
The second step is to cut off the person cold turkey. The people who know me or have dated me can tell you that I am a proud supporter of the no contact rule. I don’t believe that you can be friend with an ex while trying to heal from a breakup. Honey bunches of nope. 🙅 Not happening. It’s counterproductive. You can’t be trying to heal from a wound and constantly poke at it or pick at it while it’s scabbing. It’s gonna take forever to heal. You need to let go of that person and register that what you had is gone. You need them and everything that reminds you of them to be out of sight so that they can be out of mind. If you have the same circle of friends, try to cut down on the social gathering for a bit. If you used to go to the same places, venture out of your comfort zone and explore new spots to go to in the city. Go radio silence on them. But let’s be clear: the goal is not for them to miss you (however this might be a side effect). The goal is for you to create space in your life to build something new, to build yourself and learn to live life without them. So you have to keep that in sight. It has worked for me in the past and I am always amazed at how much I change and grow after every breakup. The NC process and everything that comes after a relationship ends has to be about you. Everything post breakup is about you. It’s is not being selfish. It is just the way things are post breakup. The minute the relationship ends things get shuffled and the only thing that matter the first second after the breakup is? You! Exactly! So don’t feel bad if they want to talk to you or reconnect and you don’t want to. It means you are not ready or you are simply in a better place in life and they are not invited to the party anymore. It is totally okay. But whether you decide to reconnect or part ways with them longer than the initial time you had set for the NC (or perhaps forever) remember you are doing it for you now, at your pace and with your rules.
I hope you got something good out of this and if you are out there navigating the shallow waters of the post-break up life, I want you to know that you are not alone and that things will get better. It might take a while but eventually they do.
As Iyanla always says “ stay in peace not in pieces” and
even if you are in pieces right now, just know that they will come back together
one day and make a masterpiece that will make you grow in the process and smile down the line.
Until then,
xo
xo
