Make Your Skin Great Again: The Enhancers

Hello there!  Back again (a month later 😅) for part two of my skincare regimen as promised. In the first part I shared the products that make up the foundation of my skincare routine (you can find it here). In this second and final part, I share the add-ons. So without further due, let's get into it.

1- Versed Doctor's Visit Instant Resurfacing Mask

This mask is an exfoliant containing AHA, BHA, and pineapple enzyme. I alternate between this exfoliant and the Good Molecules one. Because this exfoliant is a mask, it needs to be washed so it is not always practical- especially on the days where I do not feel like doing much. When I feel extra and I have time I like to use it. It does make my skin smooth and glowing after use. It has a jelly like texture and is cooling. Want to make it even more refreshing? put it in the fridge in this hot summer and you got a super refreshing spa moment that will tighten up your skin and leave you glowy. I use this product every other week (when not using the Good Molecule exfoliant) and I follow it with a heavy moisturizer then I apply Vaseline on top of it (aka Slugging. More to come about that soon!). One the days where I want to keep things simple, I just use Aquaphor healing ointment which moisturizes and protects the skin. 

2- Geek and Gorgeous C Glow

BABY!!! I have tried vitamin C serums before but this one swept me off my feet. I first got introduced to vitamin C when I got acquainted with the Drunk Elephant brand. I loved that serum (and so did my skin) when it first came out but eventually it started messing with my skin. I have heard speculations from other users about a change in the ingredient list that might have cause that skin reaction. I discontinued the use and didn't pay any mind to vitamin C again. However, lately I started doing my research again to find a good vitamin C to add to my routine. After doing my homework on vitamin C and the different brands, I ended up settling for Geek and Gorgeous. It is a light weight serum with 15% Vitamin C + extra antioxidants (Ferulic Acid & a smaller amount of Vitamin E). I store this the serum in the fridge as recommended on the website to extend the shelf life and use a mini bottle to decant about two weeks worth of serum. 

3- Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Retinol Face Cream (Mini, 0.5 oz)

I finally joined to gang you guys: I started using retinol. This product is a moisturizer with hyaluronic acid & retinol. I cannot really speak on reducing wrinkles as I do not have any but it does moisturize the skin. The instruction is to apply it twice daily to cleansed face and neck. However, because I am a retinol beginner, I am gradually phasing this product into my skincare routine until my skin tolerates it, working my way up to the twice daily recommendation. 


If you are deciding to incorporate those products into your skincare routine, I am adding a skincare cheat-sheet below that I myself use to incorporate products in a safe way in my own routine. More into here. 

As always, please remember to use sunscreen as these products will make your skin more sensitive to the sun. And even if you don't use them, still use sunscreen  because skin cancer ain't cute. This is it for the products that I use for my skincare routine. Let me know what products you use/like and I'll [maybe] try them. 

Until next time,

Make Your Skin Great Again: The Skincare Regimen That Transformed My Skin

Coming back here after being MIA for months is always awkward. It’s like reconnecting with the world after going off the grid for what seems like an eternity. Actually it’s is not like that: it is actually that. A little while ago the content of the blog shifted: there was more of a focus on the mental and spiritual stuff. And while I delight in those topics, I would like to bring more content about the light stuff too. While mental health and spiritual life are everyday life kind of topics, I also wanted to talk about the more practical things and get a little bit into perhaps hobbies, fashion, skincare, haircare, selfcare, etc… So to honor the broadening of my writing horizons, I am bringing to you today my skincare routine. So let's get into it, shall we?

We all know at least one person that when asked what they do for their skin to look nice, they respond: "nothing! I just drink water". Every time I hear that sentence, I roll my eyes so far that I can almost see my brain. Drinking water helps your skin look better but let's be honest: it takes more than that. Hence, this article. No gatekeeping here.

Today's skincare regimen is brought to you by my skin: she looks nice these days but she wasn't always like that. As a child (up until my late teenage years) I suffered with eczema, a condition usually associated with dry skin. And guess who has dry skin? Yup… That’s me! When I speak of dry, for me it’s more than my phone: it's my hair (a topic for another day) and my skin. It's drier than the Sahara. It's drier than a Popeyes biscuit. My skin being dry is [sadly] one of the most consistent things about me: always dry no matter the season of the year. Imagine winter ashy-ness but everyday. Not fun. While some people could skimp on the skincare, it is not a luxury that I had growing up. And it certainly is not a luxury that I have now. I had to learn early and quickly what worked for my skin. So I did and it worked (for the most part) until 2020. I was scrolling through my photo library on my phone and came across a video of me in July 2020 and let me tell you... the state of my skin in that video made wonder had me shooketh. My skin was giving stressed and raggedy. Sis was not cute at all. I remember being aware at that time that something was going on with my skin but being unable to figure out what it was. Living it was one thing but seeing my face in that video almost two years later hit different. I remember back then feeling desperate for my skin to get back to normal and looking up brands/products that I could use to create a skincare regimen because what was happening was just pure trickery and shenanigation. Something had to give.

The state of emergency my skin was in and my frantic research to find products that would nurse my skin back to health led me to Good Molecules. It was a game-changer for my skin. Some people swear by the Ordinary, well… I swear by Good Molecules (and I stand ten toes on that!). I took my time to read about the products and find something that would work for my skin type and the concerns that I had at the time. I was sold on the Hero regimen for dry skin. Since I started using this bundle in 2020, Good Molecules expanded the line by adding the Rosewater Daily Cleansing Gel and Yerba Mate Wake Up Eye Gel; but originally it had the: Niacinamide Brightening Toner, Hyaluronic Acid Serum, an Overnight Exfoliating Treatment, Caffeine Energizing Hydrogel Patches, Instant Cleaning Balm, Silicone-Free Priming Moisturizer and an Ultra-Hydrating Facial Oil. Out of the original bundle I have used everything however, my skin seems to not agree with the hyaluronic acid (I dropped it) and I don't really care for the eye patches (not really using it them either). In addition to the bundle, I separately got the discoloration correcting serum and the daily brightening serum because, in addition to having unexplained tiny bumps all over my face and a rough skin texture, I was also struggling with hyperpigmentation (I still do but not as much) and my skin looked very dull.

            

The Hero Regimen bundle (then)  vs.  The Hero Regimen Bundle (now)

             

   Discoloration Correcting Serum                      Daily Brightening Serum

Due to my skin being dry and sensitive, I can only use chemical exfoliant rather than mechanical exfoliant and the Overnight exfoliating treatment was just perfect. I started using it once a week and worked my way up until my skin could tolerate it when used three times a week. It contains AHAs and BHAs which help getting rid of dead (and resurface new skin), smoothing out rough/ bumpy skin, fading dark spots and evening skin tone. The Niacinamide in combination with the discoloration correcting serum and the daily brightening serum help improve appearance of dullness, uneven skin tone (reducing hyperpigmentation), and enlarged pores. I do not have large pores but I have noticed that when my skin acts up/gets bumpy, the niacinamide toner calms my skin down. And if I get PIH (post inflammatory hyperpigmentation) after getting a pimple, it doesn’t take as long for the hyperpigmentation to fade. I use those products twice a day, applying the toner first, followed by the serums. For the sake of time (and because it doesn’t say otherwise on the website or on the products’ boxes), I mix both serums in my hand before applying them to my face. I have to say though that you should layer them first to see how your skin reacts and if it doesn’t freak out, then move on to mixing the serums.

Consistently using those products has drastically improved my skin texture and evenness. While it is not everyone’s experience, I can genuinely say that the results from sticking with those products and being somewhat consistent in my skincare regimen is beyond satisfactory. And in case you are wondering no… this post is not sponsored by Good Molecules (but maybe they should consider it… Just a thought). This post is a presentation of what my skincare foundation is made of and it doubles as a review. I went through the entire bottle of toner, daily brightening and discoloration correcting serums and repurchased it. No need to say more: this works. Because I have dry skin, I am only discussing the Hero regimen for dry skin and sharing my experience but, Good Molecules also has a Hero regimen bundle for oily skin. So if you have oily skin maybe look into it. You might like it and it is affordable.

To moisturize my skin I use Eucerin Skin Balance night cream at night and in the morning I use EltaMD AM Therapy. I found out (while writing this article) that the EltaMD AM Therapy is a light moisturizer. While it might work well for someone with normal to oily skin and be okay during the  summer months for my dry skin, I might have to look into other options for the fall/winter.

 

The last and perhaps most important staple in my skincare is sunscreen. Doing all that work (especially when it comes to getting an even skin tone and getting rid of hyperpigmentation) is pointless if you do not wear sunscreen. It’s like throwing money out the the window. Actually it is not like throwing money out the the window,: it is throwing money out the the window. And plus, cancer is not cute. It’s ghetto. So put on your sunscreen. When it comes to sunscreen, the American Association of Dermatology recommends using an SPF of at least 30. I usually am in the 40-50 range and I go for broad spectrum as it blocks both UVA (responsible for premature skin aging) and UVB (skin burn, hyperpigmentation). Also check that it is water resistant. At the moment, I am using EltaMD UV Restore Broad-Spectrum SPF 40.

 It is a 100% mineral sunscreen designed to improve sun-damaged skin and help revitalize it. It contains Squalane which is known for restoring skin's natural moisture and suppleness. This specific SPF is formulated with Ginger Root Extract and Saccharide Isomerate in order to promote a healthy complexion by improving skin smoothness, minimizing dark spots and reducing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. It also contains antioxidants which combat skin-aging free radicals associated with ultraviolet (UV) and infrared radiation (IR) and offers high-energy visible (HEV) light protection. It doesn’t irritate my skin or burn my eyes. It doesn’t make me look greasy but it does leave a white cast. That’s the only downside. So far I have managed to make it work but in the future, I will probably explore other options from that brand that do not make me look like Casper the friendly ghost. Just like with Good molecules, EltaMD also has SPF that fits your skin type although the one that I use is fit for all skin types.

So there you have it: the fundamentals of my skin care routine. In the next article, I will share the other products that I use in addition to the ones mentioned in this article.

Until then, be well and put your sunscreen on 😊

Made For Such A Time As This

“If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place but you and your relatives will die. Who know if perhaps you were made queen for just a time such as this? ” 

Esther 4:14 

I am one of those people who believe that everything happens for a reason: for a greater purpose or because we are stupid and we don’t always make the right decisions. The second one might not seem like a “valid reason” but it still is one. I will not argue with you: argue with yourself. I had originally written this post as part of a chapter in my second memoir but with the current states of things, I found it more than fitting for it to have its place on this platform because someone needs to be reminded that they're made for such a time as this. 

So to come back to my point: everything happens for a reason and sometimes it doesn’t always make sense until you get all the way to the other side of what you are going through and then it finally hits you and you’re like “OH! THAT is what all of this was about” God is the best chess player: He got moves for eternity and one of the reasons why is because He created the world. He created every single one of them and knows the storyline of our lives even before we were created. He knows every twist and turn and every plot-twist we have ever experienced in life and will ever experience in life has been designed by Him. I like the story of Esther because in the times where I struggle the most with impostor syndrome and some of the hardship that I go through in life, it reminds me that God orchestrated for me to be in those places in life but also physically for a purpose. He put me in those places because there is something in me that is only specific to me, that can turn things around. I am not saying that I am the best but I am saying that there is something about the way He made me, something about my idiosyncrasies, something about the way my DNA is wired that led God to position me where I am. And sometimes it isn’t even about me or what God wants to do for me. Sometimes it is about what God wants to do around me and within people that He can only do until I am on board. 

The more I dwell in God’s word, the more I realize that although there is a part of our story that is about us, the majority of it is about the people surrounding us. I am learning to slowly understand and come to terms with the fact that my story doesn’t belong to me. It is a platform that God wants to use to change someone’s life. I am learning that I can’t just do whatever I want with my life. I just can’t give up on myself and my breakthrough because someone else’s breakthrough might depend on mine. I can’t just afford to live any kind of way because there are lives attached to the outcome of mine whether I want it of not. Made for such a time as this… David could have asked God why out of all of the days that he picked to visit his brothers it would be that day that Goliath would be there or why he was the one keeping the sheep why his other brothers were getting exposure. But instead, David did not flinch; and when Saul reminded him that he had no experience as a soldier, so knowledge/ training when it came to war, he responded with elements of the divine curriculum that he went through. He said: “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep and goats. When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and rescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animals turn on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. I have done this to both lions and bears, and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God! The Lord who rescued me from the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17: 34-37) 

As a class of 2020 graduate, I, like most students here in the US and around the world, didn't get to walk the stage and collect my diploma nor did I get to have a graduation party. However, I did tuned into the Dear Class of 2020 YouTube Originals and got my share of cheering and congratulations but also, my share of crying because every address reminded me of how long and hard the walk to that degree was for me. From the way it started all the way to the end. Although a lot of useful advice were given, addresses were powerful and moving, one of the things that I wrote down and took with me and that I believe is so fitting for this post is "Why not and why not me?" by Russell Westbrook. 

As the class of 2020, we have been dubbed as the class of Resilience because of all we have been able to achieve in the midst of a pandemic but also with regards to the current situation in the US. We are dubbed as the generation that can and most likely will change the world because we have been through SO MUCH and still we rose. Still we rise. And we keep walking towards the things we want, ready to own them; towards the territories we have laid our eyes on, ready to conquer them. As a black woman a who just graduated AND just turned 29, two major events within the same year, at a short time interval, I cannot help but think of it as another way for God to tell me that it is time, that I am ready to level up no matter how unprepared or incapable I feel, no matter how messy and chaotic I think the world is. God is saying "it is time, you are ready and through the tears, the fire and the high water tides, the sleepless night, the highs and the lows, the valleys and the mountains, the heartbreaks and the setbacks, you were made and shaped for such a time as this". And if this is true for me friend, it certainly is for you. 

God makes no mistake. God wastes nothing. Everything we go through has a purpose in God’s curriculum even when we see it as a waste. Every detail is important to God that is why we need to pay attention and seek God’s direction in order to do what He has called us to do instead of what we want to do because God’s way is the best way. God gives his hardest battles to the best soldier. There is something about your life, your walk, your story that will serve you or someone one day so do not give up. Do not back down and remember no matter what you go through that you have been formed, made in God’s image, anointed for such a time as this; to show the word that this mountain can be moved and it will. 

Congratulations to the class of 2020 and especially to all the black young kings and queens who were ever told they would never make it, who had to fight their way through to that degree or who simply followed the path of excellence that was traced before them. 

Chiiiile... WE MADE IT and WE'RE READY TO LEAD THE WAY INTO CHANGE.

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A Million Little Things

They always seem insignificant in the beginning: one thing here and there, leaving a hollow place in our life, mind, spirit, soul during that time it takes to fill that vast space created by our expectations. But the key to building a million little things is consistency: one step after the other, deciding to show up to the world everyday, finding the courage to do that little "big" thing. What an oxymoron, isn't it? And yet, it has all its sense depending on which side of the emotional spectrum you stand on; depending on whether we look at it from within ourselves or from the world perspective.

It might seem little to the world or even to you when you start and when all you can see it that one thing; but it will look and seem big during those days where all you want to do is to give up, to revert to our old ways; in those days where to show up and to do it will require all the strength you didn't know you have. It will feel and seem big, but in some ways, it will be that little thing because it will be just that: just that sentence, just that "no", just that getting out of bed and showing up into the world when  all you want to do is stay in, just that half hour on the treadmill... It will feel little and you will be tempted to give up but you have to remember that a forest is not planted overnight: it is created by planting one tree after the other, day after day, months after months, year after year. It will feel like an eternity until one day, you look up and realize what felt so little, insignificant and barely noticeable has become that thing that cannot be hidden anymore: it is there for the whole world to see.

A million little things... They start little but grow to be a quite a big deal but you will only see it if you keep showing up and keep doing the work even when you don't feel like it.

It won' t be easy. It will be frustrating at times. There will be days where you will want to give up but  remember: a million of something start with that one little piece consistently added up over a period of time.

So start here, right where you are, right where you stand and as you embark on that journey, be patient with yourself. Be patient with the process. Keep showing up, keep doing the work until one day, you assist to the miracle of what will be your "million little things".

Until next time,

It's A Wrap

Hi there and welcome back to the final article of this blog for 2017. I sat down and reflected on this year a lot: what it's been, what is has given and also what it has taken. And although not everybody can say the same, I can say that 2017 has been good to me. Yes I've had lows where I was sitting in a pit emotionally, but even in the midst of it, God's grace carried me through it all and I am grateful to look back and thank Him for carrying me through another year. As we are heading (some of us crawling) into a new year, the question I kept asking myself is: what to make of this new year? How to tackle it? here are a few suggestions I came up with:

🌟 Keep it simple

We all have a tendency to complicate things, to overthink and blow them out of proportions, look more into things than needed to. this year let's keep it simple: take things for what they are, keep your answers short and sweet, mean what you say and say what you mean. No need for the embellishment. Go straight to the point.

🌟 Stand in your "no" and stand by your "yes"

No means no and yes well... Means yes. Learn to say no to things that do not honor you and that do not make you happy. Exercise your “no” muscle this year. No need to be mean or nasty, no need for long sentences: "No." is a sentence of it's own (refer to item #1 on list). If you don't want it, if you don't want to do it, say no and stand in it because it is your right. If you say yes to something, stand by your yes: even if everybody else says no. It's okay to be different, to think differently and to have different opinions. People don't have to understand: they just need to accept and respect it.

🌟  Quality not quantity

It took me years to understand that one and seeing my circle get smaller over the years definitely drilled it in my head. as we grow, we get into a phase where it is not about being popular anymore or having a lot of friends/ people around: it is about having that solid support system, those 3 or 4 people that have your back if shit ever is to hit the fan. It is about having people you can grow with, evolve with, people that open up your mind to life possibilities, people that build you up and that you can build up too, people you can have really deep and meaningful conversations with. That's what you should aim for in 2018.

🌟  Make space

This year, I decided to clean my closet. I am a hoarder and it is very hard for me to let go of things (literally and figuratively). But as I was cleaning my closets and packing stuff, I realized that unless you make space, nothing new can get into your life: de-cluttering your life, mind, heart [and closet] is an invitation for new things [good things hopefully] to get into your life. Essentially you are telling God and life "I am ready for something new to come my way". So don't be afraid to make space: let some people/things go, keeping in mind that if something is truly yours, if someone is meant to be in your life a) it will always gravitate around you or b) it will come back to some other time.

🌟  Ask for help

When I was done packing the things that I wanted to donate, I took all my bags outside my building and waited for my Uber. I managed to get three big bags full of clothes, shoes, and bags into that Uber but then, it got more difficult to get them from the Uber car to the donation site. I watched the Uber driver go away and leaving me out there in those streets, struggling to get those bags in! And I thought in myself: "I know this guy didn't just leave me here to handle all those bags by myself!" Then I heard a voice that said:" that's what happens when you don't ask for help." I was undone because this was absolutely true: when you don't ask for help people assume you got it and you have the resources needed to handle whatever you are going through. So why would they bother proposing to help you only to be rejected? Everybody hates rejection so no thank! 2018 is the year to grow and some phases of your grow curve/ process will require someone else to show you the way and show how to do some things you have never done before. We are all ignorant and learning in our very own ways (if you're not learning you're dead... yup I just said that) and we all need help. So no shame, no shade: be willing to acknowledge that you're stuck and that you need help because that's how you grow.

🌟  Ground yourself spiritually

Whatever you believe in: hold on to that. Practice it everyday, ground yourself spiritually everyday. my spiritual life in 2017 started out well and then fell off towards the end but i strongly believe that  the reason why I was able to make it through 2017 is because I was spiritually grounded. I had made a habit to talk to God, to get into my Bible and to build my spiritual being. It allowed me to absorb life's blows better than I did in 2016. some situations I went through shook me enough to leave me in haze for days (months at time) even while being spiritually grounded so I can't imagine what would have happened if I wasn't. So I decided that 2018 would be a year for me to go back to the basics, to grow bigger roots in my faith and to do better that I did in 2017. And I encourage you to do it too. 

🌟  Be Happy

Geniunely happy. Don't pretend to be happy to show your ex that you're running these streets. don't pretend so that whoever hurt you can see that you're over it when in fact you're not. Instead of putting so much effort into crafting those schemes, direct those efforts into creating genuine happiness. Put in the work! It is hard, it takes time, sometimes it feels like you'll never get it and then one day, it just happens: you can finally smile, laugh and you are absolutely unbothered. I had a friend asking me what would be my wish for 2018 if i had only one and i told him : "make 2018 my happiest year ever" and I meant it with every fiber of my being. It might not be easy: people will try me, life might try me at some time but I know Who I am and Whose I am so why fret? And plus I am making a conscious choice to not be offended and laugh as much as I can in 2018 so hopefully things should work out well. If I can do it, so can you :)

That's it for the last article of this year! I hope you had fun reading through the blog this year and that some of the things you read built you up, encouraged you, gave you hope and made you smile. 

I am wishing for 2018 to be the happiest year of your life. May God turn your biggest heartbreaks into your biggest wins for 2018. And may Happiness and grace accompany you all the days of this new year.

Happy New Year to you and yours ❤

Yours truly,

The Happiness Fairy 👸

A Special Thank You ❤

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Another week, another post: welcome back to the blog. For the 100th article of the blog I wanted to post something a bit special and what is more specials than to pay tribute to the first men of our lives: our Fathers/ dads. Being a parent is in no way easier than what it was years ago and I would even go as far as to say  that it is becoming more difficult because kids are being brought into this world by grown boys who have no idea on how to care and educate them. Although for some of those who father those babies, they blatantly chose to be absent from the life of their child, there are others who quit because they haven't had a model in front of them. A model to teach them and show them how to be a father but more importantly how to be a dad. I made a distinction because being a father, I believe is more about doing what you think you are supposed to do while being a dad is way beyond all that. Being a dad is being there for your kids by providing to their each and every need and being invested in every aspect of their lives to a certain extend, whether they like it or not. And speaking from a child's perspective, I can say that sometimes we hate how our parents, even past a certain age, still tell us what to do. The thing is, as parents, they have a duty to protect us, to shield us from the things that could hurt us and take us off track from the prizes we have set our eyes on but also from the things they hope and want us to be.

When I was much younger, I didn't understand it: why I had to do things a certain way, why there were some things I was not allowed to do especially growing up in a Christian family. But now that I am much older, that I have made couple of mistakes I have learned from I understand better. I understand that they simply wanted to protect me, to show me the right way to do things so that by the time I would be away from them going to college  and living on my own, I would have a blueprint of how to live and be in such a way that I honor them and I honor God. I understand that they too, have made some mistakes and they had their share of bad decisions when they were young, and knowing where it led them, they had to force some choices on me out of love and because they wanted the best for me and I am grateful for that. I am grateful for both my mom and my dad for making the best out of me because even though I wasn't the worst, I certainly wasn't the best/ easiest to raise. I am grateful for my dad for showing me how I should be treated when to time to be courted should come. I am grateful for the knowledge and values he instilled in me. And even though I sometimes come off to men as being too independent and sufficient, I am grateful that my dad raised me to hustle and get my own so that if I ever have to depend on a man, it is because I allow him to do so and not because I need him to or have no other choice but to depend (financially) on him. I hope one day that I can be half as good at raising my kids as my parents have been with me and that I can give back and invest into my kids' life the way my parents have invested in me out to duty but mst importantly out of love.
 

I want to finish this tribute to the first men of our lives by celebrating also all the single mothers out there who are only celebrated on mothers day but should also I(n my opinion) be celebrated on fathers day. They should because many of them are BOTH mom and dad to their kids: keeping it together for them, providing, hustling so that their kids can have everything they need but also providing them with the emotional support/ the love they need to be better individuals. I have a soft spot for single mothers because at some point, my father was in the hospital for months and then on a long term disability for quite a while, thus unable to work. During all that time- although she wasn't single- my mother was running the house, working, taking care of us and my father and still bringing food on the table. She kept things together the way my dad would have done it and she occasionally let us catch her holy hands when we wouldn't behave 😩😂 because that's what being a parent is about too: disciplining the kids out of love! It is tough love but still love and to be honest I turned out quite well 😌

Being a parent is a full time job, being a single mother is one step above dedication and I command all of the single moms all over the world being superheroes for their kids: you are the real MVPs.
Happy father's day to all the dads, the fathers, to all the men of my life and to all the single
Mothers calling the shots everyday and being everything to their kids and raising our future daughters' kings.

 Much love and until next time,
XO

From Charcoal To Diamond: A pledge To Lift "The Curse"

A few days ago I was about to turn off the TV when I stumbled upon a documentary that would forever bug the shit out of my mind. It has and it still does no matter how many time I tried to shake it off and move on. This documentary was about Kalief Browder, a young man who was put in prison for a crime he didn't commit for 3 years without any trial. The most shocking thing about the story for me wasn't necessarily that he was put in jail for allegedly stealing a back pack (3 years for a back pack... I know...) but rather, the fact that he spent most of these 3 years in solitary confinement. As I was watching the story, I felt my heart sink a little bit more every minute passing and by the time I was done, I was laying down in bed with the lights off but incapable to fall asleep. I was exhausted but I couldn't shut my eyes because all I could see was this young man's face and all I could think about was how he got robbed of his happiness, life and future for something he did not do. I couldn't fall asleep because something in me was broken: the silly idea that we all had a chance to make it in life. I was in my bed thinking: "why being black has to be such a bad thing? Why does it have to be a burden that weights down on you wherever you are in life? Why does it have to equate a life where you go from trial to trial, always trying to prove yourself, work 100x more than anybody else just because your skin produces more melanin than others?" I was racking my mind for answers that I could not find for my own sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed of my skin color, I am just baffled and heartbroken when I look around me and all I tend to think about is how being black appears to be a curse or rather a death sentence some of us will never have the chance to escape. But there was more to it than those thoughts. There was something really bothersome about that story that I couldn't pinpoint. I don't know if what bothered me was the fact that this young man was left to rot in jail for something that he didn't do or the fact that he hang himself because he couldn't carry on with the emotional / psychological damages he suffered (and that were beyond repair) while I was graduating from college. Perhaps it was the idea that I was looking forward to a future that someone who was only 2 years younger than me was also contemplating but never got a chance to live because his future, aspirations, potential and hope were silently chocked away in between 4 walls, 23hrs/day for 3 years. Chocked to the point where once he got out, he couldn't stop drowning in the stormy sea formed by his repressed tears and emotions. Or perhaps it was the idea that if it happened to him, it could happen to anybody who belongs to the black community. I could happen to me ...  For the sake of me, I couldn't pick one thing to be bothered with because to me, the toxic and explosive mix all these thoughts/ feelings brought, was heartbreaking, sickening, and gut wrenching.

                As bothersome as this internal monologue and back and forth between emotions and reason was, it led me to an important realization. It made me realize that I was part of the few who were graced with countless opportunities to swim countercurrent and make something out of life. I realized that I was one of the few people upcoming generations could look up to as an example and inspiration to change and reshape the world; an exception to the  false belief that black people are lazy, incapables, ignorant, criminals and doomed to do nothing with their lives. Most importantly, I realized that all I have been blessed with was not to take for granted and that I had a duty to represent my community in the highest and most dignified way in a fight where statistics had already sealed our fate. A fight to be the best, to break the stereotypes and lift the "black" curse one student/ youngster at a time until we can finally shine and be recognized for our accomplishments rather than the labels we are wrongly associated with. So I won't plead guilty to being black and silently accept a sentence that will dim my shine and force me to shrink . But instead, I will expand and let my light shine: I will pledge allegiance to hope and a bright future, to an opportunity to make a change and give us a chance.

Until then,
xo

Let Go And Let Yourself Be

2016 is gone and no matter how hard some days were, I am grateful for all that year brought to me, good and bad. As we are embracing a much needed fresh start, my invitation through today's article is for us to realize that it is vital to let go of the things that weighed on us, things that chained us to our past and prevented us to move forward if we want to move forward. Before we can build new bridges, it is  vital to burn the ones who are not worth crossing anymore, before we can welcome greater things and new people, we need to make some room and perhaps let go of the people who bring out the worst in ourselves and don't walk in the direction we aspire to walk in. And the reason for that is simple: People enter our lives for different reasons and at different seasons. like I mentioned in one my articles in "The 7 Rules of Life" mini-series some enter our lives to stay and some of them come to stir something in us. They slap us wide awake, crack us open not to make us bleed to death but to take us out of our darkness and force the light in.

And those people are generally not there to stay. They are a brief passing moment of our life that turns our whole world upside down (hopefully for the best) and help us realize that we are much more than what we thought we were. And when it is time for them to live, there is a need to accept that not everything is meant to last forever and that sometimes we have to let things go. We have to let things go because there are times where holding on hurts more than letting go and the storm they momentarily brought in your life to challenge us to grow, start over the story of our life and write it the way we wanted to, will turn into a perpetual chaos we might never recover from.

Separation is never easy. Even from the people who hurt us. It is never easy because we still foster the hope that things can change. That those people can change and make it up to us. It is hard because even though we are still broken there is still that part of us that love them and desires for things to be different. And sometimes they are. But most of the time things are just what they are and as sad as it is, that is how life goes sometimes.

Letting go will never be as easy as waking up the next day and being over it. Letting go is a process and processes take time. Processes don’t always yield the expected results on the first trial. Processes demand an understanding of the real problem, an evaluation of how to solve it and a commitment to put in work and dedication to make it to the end no matter how difficult it is. Letting go is not denying that we are missing the people we don’t share our life with anymore, whether they walked away or we cut them off or the things we give up on for a better tomorrow. It is embracing it and feeling entitled to miss those things because they took with them pieces of our existence when they left and/or use to define us. It is coming to term with the fact that even though we miss them, they are not what they were to us before and things are not and will never be the same anymore. It is understanding that no matter how great you are and how much you love those people, you will never be enough for them to stay and fight for you. And if they do not want to stay or change or make things work, there is nothing you can do about it.

Letting go is most importantly being aware of the fact that you cannot keep on giving pieces of yourself away to make people whole while you remain broken. It is accepting that even though you miss those people or those things, going back to what broke you is neither an option nor a good idea. So for this new year, I want you to forgive yourself for letting yourself down. I want you to be there for yourself and take care of yourself. get comfortable spending time with yourself and be gentle with yourself because you are doing the best you can. Prioritize your happiness and well being above all and understand that there is nothing wrong about it. Focus on yourself. Work on yourself, for yourself, by yourself and do you because you deserve it. 

I am ending this post with an Irish blessing that I love a lot and which translates better my wishes for you for this new year that will unfold itself before our eyes, hoping everything good you hope and pray for come your way in 2017.

"May love and laughter light your days, and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons bring the best to you and yours!"

Happy new year 2017

xo

Broke And Addicted

Welcome back to another article, one that I hope you can resonate with (you know I keep it real!). I still don’t have the magic formula for a one size fits all opening act for my articles. What a bummer… I know right? But really who needs something generic when you can have something special and extraordinary? Still working on delivering the extraordinary and when I successfully figure out how to make it happen, you’ll be the first person to know (I guarantee you!!!!) 

Too much talk and not enough time to say all I have to say and considering that time is money, I will get straight to the heart of my post: Money!!!!! I used to tell my sister that “money is just paper” but it is ironic how not having “paper” in your bank account or your wallet can make you go from happy to depressive as soon as you open your mailbox.

Hit me with the Rosé before I get the blues…

I feel like there is some sort of vortex where my money disappears as soon as I get paid! It’s like playing hide and seek with my paycheck except that once my money hides it’s all gone and I think I have gotten sick of that game. So I stopped playing… And consolidating my checkbook and bank account because quite franckly it is boring and the sight of how much money I spend on things that do not make me happy and do not go on display in my closet depress me even more. I was just tired of being jumped trying to live life as an adult.

current situation

So… I took another approach on money which I must admit put me in a much worse position: I started shopping and treating myself as many times as I can afford to. And one thing I can say about that is that it doesn’t happen often enough. However when it happens I am like an addict in a crackhouse. My debit card is on fire and my bank account drowning. Sounds familiar? You bet it does! I am not a heavy shopper but I enjoy quality things you know… staples a.k.a designer. And when I say designer, it is designer everything: clothes, bags, shoes, wallets, watches… And “OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” is literally the question I ask myself once the adrenaline from swiping my card and unboxing all I have paid is all settled down.

Me... After every single purchase I make, the most recent being a bag... Although the regrets lasted about 5 min... yeah whatever...

I do tend to think that I am in a toxic relationship with money and shopping and although it has gotten better with the years there are still relapse moments that do more damage than one swipe a week I swear… Know that say that goes by “don’t go grocery shopping when you are hungry”? well here is a better one “ Don’t go shopping when you bank account is loaded”… I mean if you work you butt off like me but you’re still finding yourself drowning under bills and want a break from the ridiculous overdraft fees charged by your bank then this is the advice for you; but if you are rich please ignore that suggestion (and *maybe* you can send some “paper” my way acknowledging you have indeed “ignored” my suggestion… no? well at least I tried).

I feel like for me shopping on a full bank account gives me a freedom that I don’t have in reality. It is just a delusional moment like being on bad acid where you feel like you’re invincible but the minute you go home and open your mailbox the monologue between your inner rich self and your in-reality broke self is on and about to go on until your next pay period. And this is not even the worst part! Hold on it gets worst! The worst part is the idea of looking all cute in all those designer stuff you bought but you can’t wear it because you can’t go out because you are broke!!! Ironic right? I know… I live that irony everyday…If I was getting a dollar every time I was broke I’d probably be a millionaire and of course my sister would be a billionaire… I’ll let that one sink for a minute…

If only scrap paper could turn into money or if we could live off monopoly bills and turn them into IOUs… But who am I kidding.. Life is not a wish granting factory…Well at least payday is coming so let’s toast to more bills and an even bigger monologue because my account is about to be loaded and we all know what that means…

Pretty sure maxing out my card comes first... So if you will excuse me... There is a ridiculous amount of designer goods waiting for me...

You mad bro?

Have you ever been approached by a stranger in the street saying:” smile!” or by a coworker, family member, friend to ask you “Why are you mad?”, only for you to respond that you are fine and that there is nothing wrong? If yes, you already know what this is about. If you don’t then you are about to find out.

Pretty sure it's just my face... But thanks for asking

Ladies and gentlemen today we are talking about the resting Bitch face or RBF (or Bitchy Resting Face; BRF). I am going to be totally honest with you: until recently I didn’t even know it was a thing or that there even was a name for unintentionally frowning your face and looking like you're about to punch somebody in the face. Yes that’s exactly what it is. And if you are "suffering" from that too I bet you find it very annoying when people walk to you a millions times a day to ask you what’s wrong with you, only to realize that your face is the only thing wrong. And I didn’t know how concerning it was until recently when I saw a picture of myself and my facial expression made me gasp.

Pretty accurate

I wanted to understand what the root cause of it was and also raise some awareness (not sure what I am raising awareness for but oh well...). So I looking up some stuff and it turns out that RBF is a “syndrome” (lol whatever that means). According to some of the findings I stumbled onto it is not people just throwing shades, it is not some angry girl being mad at you or some random guy trying to break you in half: it is a real thing. A real thing that Behavioral researchers Jason Rogers and Abbe Macbeth tried to explain using a face reader program. All in all, the software compares the face of a “normal” person and the face of someone with RBF using 500 points on theirs faces to analyze their expressions and detect signs of various emotions (expressed and hidden). According to the results published by the two researchers and mentioned in the Huffington Post “ The typical facial expression is mostly neutral with just 3 percent of different emotions hidden in it, including just a drop of contempt. In RBF, however, the level of emotion nearly doubles to 5.76 percent — with most of that increase in the form of contempt.”

                         

Stranger: Why so mad? * Me: No... really I'm not... mad... it's just my face 😩

And if you have ever seen Kanye’s, Kristen Stewart’s  or even Anna Kendrick’s faces at rest you can kind of sense that note of contempt. However, Macbetch noted that “the FaceReader is not detecting enough contempt to reflect true contempt because these faces are not actually displaying contempt” before adding that   “It just looks like contempt to the viewer. Thus, it is the perception of that unconscious, subtle contempt expression that defines RBF” [More information about the study here]

Anna Kendrick on twitter: "Is there a filter on Instagram that fixes Bitchy Resting Face? Asking for a friend"

The study also mentioned that even though RBF is more commonly associated to women, it also affects men. So next time you are tempted to ask somebody if the person is mad or pick a fight because you feel like the person is throwing shades, consider that it might only be the person’s face that is wrong and nothing else. For having RBF and knowing people who have that too (ndlr my dad and my mother), you just have to learn to work with it and know the difference between their “I am pissed off” face and  their "regular" face (replace regular by RBF)

I hope this article was helpful and don’t be scared of us people with RBF, we are [sometimes] great people with a freaking messed up face. So next time you see me say hi and I’m pretty sure you’ll see me smile ;)

Until next time,
xo

I am a woman and I can: Celebrating International Women's Day

March 8th was international women day and I couldn’t help but think how the progress that has been made when it comes to women right. This train of thoughts was sparked well before that day, more specifically the weekend leading to the international women’s day week, when laying down on my couch I was watching the suffragette. This movie is a British historical period drama that narrates the fight of the first feminism group, Suffragettes (hence the name of the movie) requesting a right to exercise their voting power just as men.

This movement  started in 1897 with the foundation of the National Union of Women’s Suffrage with led by Millicent Fawcett. Like any good leader, Millicent Fawcett believed in peaceful protest and in the power of words to make changes happen and obtain the right to vote she and many other women believe they deserved. Although her approach was noble, it made other women grow angry and frustrated as progress too long to be noticed. So Emmeline Pankhurst and her daughters Christabel and Sylvia founded in 1903 the Women’s Social and Political Union which later became better known as The Suffragettes.

Unlike Millicent, the Suffragettes were ready to use any means to make their voices heard as long as in the long rung they obtained what they were fighting for: Voting rights. What started as a peaceful movement rapidly turned a radical movement and the violence used by the authorities certainly did not make them back down. In 1912, the suffragette started using extreme measures to force change: they started burning churches, attacking politicians and bombing their houses. One of the suffragettes, Emily Wilding Davidson, threw herself under King Ander’s Horse on June 9th 1913 as a desperate act to get the world's attention, thus becoming the first Suffragette martyr. It is only in 1918 that the Representation of the People Act was passed by the British Parliament, granting women limited suffrage (only women over 30 could vote) and ten years later (1928) the right to vote on an equal basis with men.

Protests like this one to give women more rights were organized around the world by leaders and feminists who did not shy away when facing obstacles. They sacrificed everything they had and sometimes their lives so that the upcoming generations could have what they didn’t have. But even with that,  there are still some disturbing facts that are worth mentioning and here are a few of them:

• Every 90 seconds, a woman dies during pregnancy or childbirth. Most of these deaths are preventable, but due to gender-based discrimination many women are not given the proper education or care they need.

• As many as 1 in 4 women experience physical or sexual violence during pregnancy.

• Women make up 80% of all refugees and displaced people. Instruments of genocide such as sexual violence and rape are often directed at women and girls.

• Women account for 70% of the population living in absolute poverty (on less than $1.00 a day).

• Over 60 million girls worldwide are child brides, married before the age of 18.

• 603 million women live in countries where domestic violence is not yet considered a crime.

Let’s not also forget about the girls who aren’t in school because of gender discrimination; those who don’t have access to the most basic things such as hygienic pads when they have their periods and are excluded from their communities during their "week of shame". Let’s not forget about the pay gap which does not seem to get any smaller despite all the efforts being made. Let’s also not forget about sexual harassment at work and all those things that the world doesn’t seem to see.

 

We have come a long way and at the light of the progress that has been made, I can't help but take pride in being a woman who is educated, part of a field largely dominated by men, who can training BJJ, who just beat the odds that some of my female peers did not. And if nothing else motivates me in life, this will always motivate me and make me want to be the best and give my best because I am at a place where not many can say they are at and I am blessed. And if you are a woman you should feel that way too because no matter where each one of us stand in life, we have had to face hurdles and fight battles that brought us where we are and made us who we are today and we have come a long way.

This article is an acknowledgement and celebration of  the people who before us traced a better route so that we could walk on it, remembering all that has been done. Let’s make sure that we don’t just stop and let it be it but instead, let's keep making that route better too for future generations and pass on that legacy. Let’s allow our deeds to change the world and build upon the strong foundations that have already been laid out for us in such as way that we can provide more opportunities for women to become accomplished leaders, scientists, artists or whatever they want to be because they have the right to, but mostly because they can afford it.

Friday Talk: The transition

I thought about what had happened to me so far and how the hardest I was trying to make things go in the direction I wanted them to, the more they drifted away… And I thought maybe it’s not about what I want… Maybe it’s about what I needed at the moment. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and if the things I was holding so close to my heart and that I wanted were not happening despite all the efforts I was doing then maybe it wasn’t the right time or these things were just not meant for me. Maybe it was a time for me to learn to let go of how I wanted life to go and enjoy the way it was at the moment and learn the lessons I had to learn. Maybe it was time for me to learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Maybe it was a time to for me to learn to embrace the transition and get accustomed to the unknown and to all the possibility it was bringing to me.

Being fresh out of college and entering adulthood is a hard transition, a place where most of us get stuck because a) we don’t have the answers we are looking for, b) we don’t know how adulting works and c) we realize that all we have been taught in class cannot be used in real life when it comes to answering normal questions a 20 something young adult is asking himself/herself. Adulting is hard, it takes away the red carpet you have been walking on in college – while you are still standing on it- and makes you land on the cold, hard ground on your butt (if you’re lucky enough) or on your head. My fall was on my head… Still hurts from time to time when I think about the dreams I had and where I stand in life right now but like I always say everything happens for a reason. 

But just because I landed on my head and that my life looks nothing like what I thought it would when I graduated from college doesn’t meant that my dreams are dead… Not at all… To quote Paul Angone , I am growing them and one day, when it is time, they will blossom. I know it sucks to settle for something you didn’t sign up for just because you have obligations and have to go through life; but believe that out of that something that sucks, life is trying to teach you valuable lessons that will serve you in growing those dreams of yours. So don’t give up just yet. Let life happen, take note, navigate through the shallow waters to the best of your abilities and keep growing those dreams, water them, feed them, keep the passion alive and one day they will blossom and you will be thanking yourself for not giving up.