I don’t really remember how I got to that point where the
idea about that article came up, but one thing I know is that I was browsing
for a journal to keep track of a project I have been working on and planning since last year
(and which hopefully I will be able to see come true this year). One thought leading
to another, as I was looking at the journals and stationary articles available,
I suddenly found myself comparing myself to some other people, undermining my
potential, being bitter about who I was and somewhat about how my life had
turned out and wondering what would have come of me if it had turned another
way. This went on for a good 5 min before I caught myself and start correcting my train of thoughts– I know... You might be tempted to say that it is not much but believe
me it was enough to make me go from happy and skipping in the street to give-me-a-Xanax 😩 in matter of seconds . What made me decide to write
that article wasn’t how harsh I was in the way I was judging/criticizing myself or my
life, but rather, how quickly I caught what was going on in my mind before
those poisonous thoughts destroyed my happiness garden. So today, I decided to
talk about the most common happiness killers/ joy stealers and how counter the
poisonous darts they throw at us to bring us down while we are on our happiness journey.
1- Compare yourself to others
Comparing ourselves to others is the biggest disservice we
can do to ourselves when it comes to being happy. See when people compare you
to other people they might have some power on what is external and that they
can see but you have power over what is internal and is the most important. But
when you compare yourself to other people, you are literally tearing yourself
apart from the inside out. What is left if people break you down externally and
you are tearing yourself out internally? That’s right nothing! So you want to
be careful about your train of thoughts and the image you have of your own self.
Instead of comparing my life to other people’s life, I have learned to
understand that I cannot compare where I stand now to the place in life where
other people stand because our stories are different. Our struggles are
different. The paths we have chosen to walk are different. But most importantly,
the amount of time they have been walking their paths is different than the
amount of time I have been walking mine. So comparing myself/ my life to other
people is a luxury I cannot afford. I can guarantee you that if one of the
reasons aforementioned rings a bell to you, you will get over your habit of
comparing yourself to others.
2- Not being appreciative of what you have/ complaining too much
I think this one is a no brainer. The more you complain, the
less you appreciate what you have and the only thing you see is what you do not
have. And because you do not have those thing you want so much and think will
make you happy, you turn out being unhappy. But one thing you need to
understand is that linking your happiness to material things will have two directly related effects : a) a temporary happiness that is only present whenever you get one of
those things you cross out of your wishlist and b) a vicious cycle that is
rooted in a). Being happy starts with being content with what you have. Being
happy and content with what you have doesn’t mean that you do not aspire to
have better things in life or that you don’t want things that would make you
"happier". It just means that you understand that those things are not essential to
your happiness or in another word, your happiness is independent of whether or
not your get those things. Learn to be content, and you are halfway there on
living a happy life.
I always find it amusing when I see some people paying so
much attention to the criticism of persons who do so little for them. I’m just
like… why though? Granted sometimes people make some criticisms because they know
you can be a better person, you can do better. But honestly, we all know that
out of 10 people making criticisms, 3 of them are doing it for your good and the
rest just want to tear you down and drag you into the mud. They know that if
they can’t get to you physically, their words will just tear you down and do
the work their fists can’t do. Whenever someone I’m not close to or don’t even
know makes comments or tries to get to me through criticism I’m like: who are you? oh... That’s
right! It's irrelevant and honestly I couldn't care less 😒.
Whatever people say about you/ think of you is NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS! And whatever negative comments they make about you, Don't let it get to you and honestly here is my advice below...
Do you booboo... Do you.💁🏾
4- Allowing the “what ifs” to take up way too much space
This one is the sneakiest, dirtiest and cruelest (is that
even a word? Nevermind… don’t answer that) one. You just have to let life be
what it is. The past is gone, the future is not here yet. All you have is the
present: make the most out of it! Don’t let anything that is not part of now
ruin your happiness and bring you more sorrows than you need. You already (I
assume) have a plate full of it, don’t make it harder for you. Don't let those two words haunt you: you have a life to live.
5- Overthinking too much
A.k.a the torture weapon. It will keep you up at night by
sending your mind in overdrive, make you tired and paranoid during the day,
induce emotional breakdowns and turn you into one of those people who are
totally disconnected from reality. How do I know? I have been there. There is
only so much you can deal with at a given moment. Don’t try to overdo it. Why? Because
you will create issues that didn’t even exist in the first place. It will make
you worry sick about things you shouldn’t even worry about and suck every ounce
of life and happiness out of you. There is a say in my dad’s village that goes
by: “One does not need to rise on the tip of the toes to see what will eventually come”. Granted
you have to be prepared for situations but you need to understand that what
will happen is what is meant to happen. And no matter how much overthinking you
do and your degree of preparedness, what needs to happen will happen. So instead of stressing yourself out, maybe you should try to turn down the overdrive a notch and enjoy life a little.
I am sure there are many more happiness killers/ joy
stealers out there, but those are the ones I could come up with at the moment. Let
me know if you can think of some and/or if you have more tips to counter them.
Until next time,
xo
xo
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