Probably one of the shortest article i will write but I still thought it was worth being written. So short you will probably think « well... she could have easily said that in the previous one » but then you would have probably nailed me for writing miles long articles. Mankind... Anyway! Welcome back to the last leg (hopefully) of the equally yoked series and I think the title doesn’t get any more explicit. We’ve heard it before « love conquers all » in theory but real life can be much more complicated than cupid dressed as a spartan to conquer everything that comes its way (beautiful analogy, not very realistic) although there are a few exceptions that have made it work, some differences are sometimes difficult near impossible to conquer no matter how in love you are with each other. It might seem at the beginning that you can overcome it but then as the hormones and the delusion fade you are left facing either the most infamous question of all time or the most painful reality which translate to "what do we do now?" Or "this is not going to work". Every relationship / mariage before being entered should have a set of rules/ agreements that define the boundaries upon which both parties are operating. Those agreements make up the code of conduct of this relationship and/or marriage. It comprises the spiritual and moral codes of conduct you are both mutually agreeing to follow as well as an understanding of what your goals and objectives (personal and as a couple) are.
As important as being equally yoked spiritually is (speaking for me as a christian) there is also a need to be equally yoked when it comes to your values, vision and goals. The reason being that it doesn’t matter how compatible you are spiritually, if you do not agree on the values, your goals and your vision it might be a problem down the line. Some people get into relationships thinking that they can pray away the divergences that they are facing, only to turn bitter down the line when they realize that things are not turning the way they WANTED them to. Why get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married when you do? Why get married to someone who doesn’t want kids when you do? Why be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in monogamous relationship when you do? As hard as it is to reroute your heart and convince it to not do all kind of level 5000 stupid choices (and believe me when I say level 5000 stupid because some choices I still regret to this day), there are conversations that you need to have with yourself first and with the person you are about to enter a journey with. Most of the time we think that with time the person we love will change and see things from our perspective and chose to embrace our vision but it rarely happens that way and people rarely change to fit the ideas and expectations we have of them. If anything, with the years, some of them get further away from that ideal we have. Love is fundamental to build a relationship or a marriage but it is not enough. It is not enough because romantic feelings may fade: you need to have other [solid] foundations over which your relationship/ marriage rests in order to make it work. You need to be honest with yourself and your partner about how important the values you carry with yourself are and if you share the same set of values. Be honest about your goal and vision and if you are not aligned decide how important it is for you. Obviously it should be important because walking in two different visions defeats the purpose of marriage or a relationship. But that is just my opinion.
All in all, before you let yourself crash in an emotional train wreck, think carefully about what you want, what is important for you. Have that conversation with yourself first and with your partner. And if you do not reach an agreement that helps define your core values and moral code of conduct for the relationship/ marriage maybe your should let them go. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person or they are. It just mean you are not a match for each other.
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