Welcome back to the blog for a new article! Today I wanted to talk about a different aspect of being single. I wanted to touch on the opposite idea that is being preached to single women: The idea that in order to meet someone you need to be proactive (aka look for him). I felt like it was a good topic to talk about because in an era where women and men are considered as equals in so many aspects of life, it is sometimes expect that women have to be proactive about finding a man. It has become such an obsession that people sometimes miss the greatest and biggest lessons about life and relationships trying to rush out of their single season. But one thing we tend to forget is that whatever we do not heal shall repeat itself and whatever test we do not pass life will present it to us again and again and again, until we finally get it.
I have been single for a minute and deciding to stop entertaining some grown boys nonsense and run after some of them like a headless chicken, I took some time to think about relationships. I have always entertained the idea of marriage but during the single season I have been walking in for a little while now, I have done a LOT of soul searching. And although, like every young woman my age, I aspire to get married soon (-er rather than later), I had to let my head cool off and come to term with the fact that perhaps I am not ready yet. At first it felt like I got smacked in the face (real good, like hood good) but it was one of those raw and honest moment that I typically have only when I hit rock bottom or when I am trying so hard for something to happen and I hit a brick wall. I knew I wasn’t ready because I was chasing. I knew I wasn’t ready because I was seeking companionship because I was tired of being single. I knew I wasn’t ready because getting married was another accomplishment on my list, another box I was trying to check with the wrong persons (at times). I knew I wasn’t ready because although I was enticed by the idea of being married, I realized that the idea and the reality of it where two different things. And I was not prepared for the reality of it.
So I went a little bit in the book of Esther and did a little bit of reading. After Vashti was disgraced by the King, he sent out word to select the most beautiful ladies of each province, bring them to the harem and after a period of time, he would pick one of them to be made queen. However, before any of those young women was called before the king, she had to be prepared. This preparation would last twelve months and was known as the beautification process. So Esther did not directly appear before the King. She was set apart, refined and polished for ten months, then she appeared before the king who “loved her more than all the women” (Est 2:17). And this has to do with the fact that, besides God’s grace and favor on her, she did not rush the process: no matter how long it took for her to get ready, Esther followed the instructions from the beginning to the end. She stayed the course of it, did not look for a shortcut or tried to do things her way.
As Christian women, we are also in preparation to meet Jesus our King but also the man that he has appointed for our life. But just like Esther we have to undergo a beautification process and in our case it has to do with our soul, our heart, our life (physical and spiritual) so that by the time we are to appear before our king and be revealed to him, we are ready. We have had time to get rid of what was hindering us, we are not entertaining the nonsense anymore but rather we are beautifying ourselves in the presence of God because the Bible says in psalm 45: 13 “All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold.” Because she is not a queen yet but rather a princess she is dwelling into the palace of her father, the King of King. So the Glory that is depicted in this verse comes from being into God’s presence by praying, meditating the word of God and walking accordingly rather than dwelling/ walking in the flesh. The beautifying process as a Christian woman, starts with seeking God, refusing to entertain things/ people that can forfeit our call/ future/career/walk with Christ and is perfected with our ability to follow God instructions in our time of preparation/walk in obedience no matter how long it is. And trust me, sometimes it can feel like a VERY LONG TIME but Esther is an example of why it is worth it. She is an example that walking in obedience and trusting God works and I am sure that there are many examples like this!
I have been single for a minute and deciding to stop entertaining some grown boys nonsense and run after some of them like a headless chicken, I took some time to think about relationships. I have always entertained the idea of marriage but during the single season I have been walking in for a little while now, I have done a LOT of soul searching. And although, like every young woman my age, I aspire to get married soon (-er rather than later), I had to let my head cool off and come to term with the fact that perhaps I am not ready yet. At first it felt like I got smacked in the face (real good, like hood good) but it was one of those raw and honest moment that I typically have only when I hit rock bottom or when I am trying so hard for something to happen and I hit a brick wall. I knew I wasn’t ready because I was chasing. I knew I wasn’t ready because I was seeking companionship because I was tired of being single. I knew I wasn’t ready because getting married was another accomplishment on my list, another box I was trying to check with the wrong persons (at times). I knew I wasn’t ready because although I was enticed by the idea of being married, I realized that the idea and the reality of it where two different things. And I was not prepared for the reality of it.
So I went a little bit in the book of Esther and did a little bit of reading. After Vashti was disgraced by the King, he sent out word to select the most beautiful ladies of each province, bring them to the harem and after a period of time, he would pick one of them to be made queen. However, before any of those young women was called before the king, she had to be prepared. This preparation would last twelve months and was known as the beautification process. So Esther did not directly appear before the King. She was set apart, refined and polished for ten months, then she appeared before the king who “loved her more than all the women” (Est 2:17). And this has to do with the fact that, besides God’s grace and favor on her, she did not rush the process: no matter how long it took for her to get ready, Esther followed the instructions from the beginning to the end. She stayed the course of it, did not look for a shortcut or tried to do things her way.
As Christian women, we are also in preparation to meet Jesus our King but also the man that he has appointed for our life. But just like Esther we have to undergo a beautification process and in our case it has to do with our soul, our heart, our life (physical and spiritual) so that by the time we are to appear before our king and be revealed to him, we are ready. We have had time to get rid of what was hindering us, we are not entertaining the nonsense anymore but rather we are beautifying ourselves in the presence of God because the Bible says in psalm 45: 13 “All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold.” Because she is not a queen yet but rather a princess she is dwelling into the palace of her father, the King of King. So the Glory that is depicted in this verse comes from being into God’s presence by praying, meditating the word of God and walking accordingly rather than dwelling/ walking in the flesh. The beautifying process as a Christian woman, starts with seeking God, refusing to entertain things/ people that can forfeit our call/ future/career/walk with Christ and is perfected with our ability to follow God instructions in our time of preparation/walk in obedience no matter how long it is. And trust me, sometimes it can feel like a VERY LONG TIME but Esther is an example of why it is worth it. She is an example that walking in obedience and trusting God works and I am sure that there are many examples like this!
Don’t get me wrong: the wait and preparation season can be frustrating and daunting sometimes; especially when you have been a bridesmaid at five different weddings in a year but you’re still undergoing the beautifying process (I haven’t reached that level yet but if you’re looking for a bridesmaid just email me. I won’t let you down. just kidding. No I'm not...) And Some days you just get so much into your feelings that the only thing you want to do is have ice cream for breakfast and live on your couch. But guess what you cannot do that! You cannot because you would only be delaying your time for the blessing and lengthen the process. And no matter how hard it is (and some days it really is hard, giving-yourself-the-peptalk-in-front-of-your-bathroom-mirror hard) part of the beautification process is learning to be content in your season while working on building your life and your spirit so that when you appear before your king you are ready. And he will know who you are. You won’t have to chase him or prove to him that you are his rib or his woman or his wife. He will know! Adam saw eve. She didn’t have to introduce herself. She didn’t have to force a title out of him with a knife to his throat being all kind of ratchet and level 5000 psycho. He knew she was his because when he woke up he said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (Gen 2:23)
So to all the single ladies out there (myself included 'cause I know! some of you were about to come at me): let's relax and just stop looking (I wouldn't even be able to even if I wanted because I'm exhausted). The bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Prov 18:22) He will find you at the time appointed by God even if you’re at the seat 52B off to Lisbon, Spain or Japan. He will find you! Just make sure you do the work and you’re ready when it is time to appear before your king.
Until then,
xo
So to all the single ladies out there (myself included 'cause I know! some of you were about to come at me): let's relax and just stop looking (I wouldn't even be able to even if I wanted because I'm exhausted). The bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Prov 18:22) He will find you at the time appointed by God even if you’re at the seat 52B off to Lisbon, Spain or Japan. He will find you! Just make sure you do the work and you’re ready when it is time to appear before your king.
Until then,
xo
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