Did you know that?

Women alwaaaaaays complain about how some men are just not relationship material: not involved enough, not communicating, bad listeners, bad at remembering important dates and being spontaneous. Well ladies, as hard as it seems for you to believe it men do know how to love, they are capable of loving and being passionate in relationships. The problem is that women and men love each other in a different ways. Therefore, there are many things that women need to understand about men in order to have successful relationships and stop complaining for nothing.

First thing is that men are passive listeners. Women when they usually talk with each other have some cues that let the speaker know they are listening: eye contact, nodding, verbal responses. Well men are just not like that. He could be reading the newspaper and actually be listening to you for real (or not if it has been the thousandth time you are talking about the same topic or he could be listening to you and just have the newspaper open to make you feel like he is not). Or he might be listening to you but he won't nod or talk while you are talking because well... YOU ARE TALKING! On top of it men are not that good at communicating about the way they feel about you or your relationship unless they HAVE TO. They have to go fish/dig in that part of their soul none has access to except God (and them of course!) and they just HATE doing that because it makes them feel vulnerable. I am sure no man on this earth likes being vulnerable. If you know one holla at me I want to meet him.

This leads us to the second fact, men do not know how to multitask. Multitasking is something encoded only in the DNA of women. Do not expect your men to be watching over the kids and the dish you put in the oven while you are answering a call AND doing the laundry. Men do not have a clue (most of the time) about how to multitask. They know how to do one thing at the time and most men do it well so that you can be proud of them.

Moving tothe next fact: man appreciate when you say nice stuff to them when they do things to make you happy (but most likely to impress you... Let's keep it real here). It seems like nothing to you but it is a big deal for men. They have something called EGO that needs to be flatter frequently in order for them to feel like they are being useful in your life. It is also useful for them to feel like they are in control but mostly do keep doing those things you like because they know they will get a reward and they are feeling fn awesome about it.

This brings us to another fact: men are awfully bad at guessing things. Like seriously i had a friend once saying :" I really like that girl but maaaan... She confuses me like hell. I never know what to say, what to do because i don't want to mess up things between us. So guess what... i just don't do nothing". Men do not read minds ladies, if you don't say it they will never know it. Very few are good at following hints and being spontaneous from there but the vast majority is just clueless. I am not saying you need to tell everything you like to a guy after the first date but just give him enough for him to go from there and be spontaneous once in a while. You like something, tell him. You don't speak it (don' YELL it). You are mad, there is obvioulsy something wrong with you, he asks :"is everything okay?" You reply "yes". Well don't expect him to chase you and hammer you with questions. You said you were okay, he moves onto doing whatever he has been up to until that moment you showed up at his place with that muffin face.

One last thing that i think women need to know about men is that they are problem solvers. They don't talk about it over and over like women do. You come to him with a problem he tries as hard as he can to provide you with a solution. That girl was wearing the same outfit as you at that party yesterday? Don't wear it anymore. Period.  Simple as good morning. If you are not looking for a solution don't talk about that with him. If you are not satisfy by the option given just have some mercy on him and change the topic. For his sake and for your own sake too before you get frustrated over an argument about an outfit that shouldn’t have existed.

I am sure there are many other things that the ladies out there need to know about men to have/ maintain a great and dynamic relationship with them but those are the one I could think of on the top of my head. So pleaaaase ladies, be aware of the fact that love to your eyes does not always look the same and doesn't not always have the same implications to men. Don't overcomplicate it: making things simple is one important key in finding happiness. Let the rain be over and the sun shine again. I can feel love in the air so smile and be happy!

 

“Men aren't really complicated, Ana, honey. They are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say. And we spend hours trying to analyze what they've said - when really it's obvious. If I were you, I'd take him literally. That might help.” - E.L James

“Forget about the price tag”

Have you ever stopped for a minute and asked yourself what would make you happy? Like REALLY happy? Not the kind of happiness that will vanish an hour or a day later, I am talking about the real one? The one that will stay no matter how dark it is in your life or how bad thing are going? I know it can be tough some time but there are some people out there, like me, like you that make it through rough paths with that insane happiness I wish I could have sometimes.

It is so silly how today everything is about what we owe, everything material and we forget what is essential to our happiness. We are trying to put a price on everything; we are trying to evaluate how much money it will cost us to be happy. We have succeeded in convincing ourselves that money could buy it when in fact it doesn’t. Sure I would like to have money to be off the hook and avoid my banker to send me a letter every month to remind me that my bank account is overdraft. Of course I would like to never worry about my bills and have fun, buy some fancy stuff with my money because I can afford it. But the real question is: at the end of the day would I be happy? Speaking for my own self, I guess it would be no. I could have all those things but there are some precious and essential things that money can’t buy.

I have been for years a passionate of retail therapy and from my experience, there have been times where money was just not enough to make me happy. I would forget about my worries, my emotional issues when I was out shopping and swiping my card. I would feel good at the sight of all those things I would buy without even thinking sometimes. But then, I would go home and cry at night in my bathroom like a child because I just wasn’t happy despite everything I had.

Some people have been rich like shit and yet have been on all kinds of medications to be able to have somewhat of a peace of mind and some others to feel less depressed (not even happy… this is sad L ). Some families have been known has dynasties in the business world. From outside they are the image of the perfect and modern family but step into their world and you will be able to see how miserable their lives really are. Kids turning wild because the parents were never there when they needed them, parents missing the most important moments in the lives of their children because too busy running after money. In the worst scenario, kids turn out so spoiled they act like they are gods on earth because their parents are rich and feel like they don’t owe respect to anyone even to the people who gave birth to and raised them.

On the other hand, there are people that are rich too but all that money cannot buy them friends they can share their joys and memorable moments with. Some others are ridiculously rich, but don’t know what to do with it all that money they have and yet they don't want to share it because they still think it will one day make them happy. “I’d rather cry in a Ferrari than on the train” of course money can make our lives better but hey, if you are crying in the Ferrari you are probably not that happy (not to say your are just not happy). The beginning of happiness would be for us to stop putting a price tag on everything and focus on the most essential ones: love, appreciate every little moment of happiness with our loved ones, the wonderful friends we have and the time we are losing running after money … and many other things that we will be able to see once we will stop making money an obsession and associate it with happiness.

"Why is everybody so obssessed? Money can't buy us happiness

       Can we all slow down and enjoy right now, Guarantee we'll be feeling alright" Jessie J.

Finding a way back to happiness: You are not alone

Sorry for the delay in posting the weekly article! Once again I had inspirational issues and as I was not satisfied with the initial topic that was scheduled to be posted, I  ended up changing it (Probably not common for you guys but definitely my routine almost every week). It is very difficult to stay partial when writing an article on a blog you know… As easy as it seems to hide behind a screen to tell things that might be very personal, it can be very difficult at the same time. Why? Well simply because you are sharing a little bit of yourself, of your life, of your universe with people you don’t necessarily know. You share a little bit of your joys, angers, frustrations, smiles, tears, thoughts and fears too. You give them an insight of what your past was like, what your daily life looks like and what you hope your future will be made of. You open a window so that they can sneak their heads and see what your world looks like through your eyes…

More than everything I guess, this is the reason why I am a blogger and why I enjoy doing what I do. Telling my story and a little bit of other people’s stories that have been the building blocks of my own life. I love blogging because I can open up to the world not entirely but just enough to let someone reading article know that there is someone just like you (okay... almost like you) that is going through or went through what you are going through right now. Just enough for that person to know this: there is someone like you somewhere on this earth that is able to feel your pain and knows exactly how it feels like.

How it feels like to lose a loved one, how it feels like to lose a job and stay up all night wondering what tomorrow will bring you.

How it feels like to not give up this fight for your life when the doctors say that you have a 50/50 percent chance of winning against cancer.  

How it feels like to be disappointed about not being accepted to that college you have been dreaming of going to since you were a kid.

How it feels to be strong around people and hold your tears all day to finally let them down while the water is running in your bathroom so that none can hear you cry and sob…

Or… how it feels to have your heart broken over and over and get to the point where you are telling yourself “there must be something wrong with me” and then you wear that armor to protect yourself from being loved by people who truly deserve a spot in your life and your heart.

But you don’t see that because you have suffered too much, you don’t believe in love or friendship anymore because you have been hurt/betrayed too many times, you just gave up and slowly let your heart be filled with resentment, bitterness, anger… Then time softened your pain but as soon as love knocked at your door, you yelled “I’m coming” but you ran away using the backdoor.

It is so easy to use excuses for not being happy but let’s face: it is so difficult to keep up with them! It is so excruciating to stay mad at someone for a long period of time. At some point it just becomes so ridiculous to waste that much energy… Well it is at this place that I have learned how important and powerful forgiveness was. As long as you keep on being mad at someone who hurt you and at yourself for letting this happened to you, you will not be able to recover and be happy again. You will carry that burden everyday of your life and no matter what you do it will always be there. Not physically of course, but right there in your heart and in your soul you will constantly feel it. You will always be blaming the whole world and let the pain kill you softly without anyone being able to help you. Being mad at someone give that person power over your life. why? Because even though that person is not with you, just a simple thought of him/her crossing your mind is enough to f*ck up your entire day and make you miserable. Being mad at yourself will hold you from living your life at its fullest and will constantly hold you back from many opportunities you might not come across anymore.

Forgiveness will set you free and allow you to build something new, start from scratch yet build something durable. You only live once: don’t make your life revolve around useless pain and sorrows. Make it worth living, go beyond the wounds and the old scars and take a bet on forgiveness and see how it works.  It is hard but it is not impossible, the road is long but you will get there. Don’t worry about how long it will take, but take one step at a time. Thank God everyday for that strength he gives you and ask him to give you more of it as you need it to reach your destination. I am still on my way and I am sure many of us are too. So don’t be afraid: you are not alone 

Who to let in, who to let out: let life take care of it

Life is a journey that can be excruciating but rewarding once you have reached that place you pictured yourself at 10, 20, 50 years ago. It is a journey at the end of which you are rewarded when you have put in the time and the efforts that were required for you to succeed. But beyond that, there is the satisfaction you get from realizing that you have been surrounded by the right persons. I believe that the choice of the people we surround ourselves with can be very critical in shaping what our lives will be like from the moment we meet them. Why? Well the answer is very simple... There are three kinds of people you will meet in your life: people that will bring the best out of you, people that will bring the worst out of you and people that will just leave you like "meh... Whatever!"

Who you chose to surround yourself with will either make you reach for the stars or make you go rock bottom. And because we are human beings, we do not always make the smartest choices and of course, the choice of who we allow in our lives applies to this rule. Fortunately enough, life is about teaching us lessons and opening our eyes on things that otherwise we would have chosen not to see. I love how life can slowly take down the entire fake out of people and reveal their true nature through the trials and sufferings that one might endure. Yes, it is true: you only get to know your true friends when you are going through some shit and that 90% of your so called friends are not willing to help you fix the mess or even support you in times you need them to.As long as everything thing is fine they will always stand there and pretend that they love you unconditionally. But wait until your life is turned upside down, they will all vanish in the air and it will be as if some of them had never existed in your life.

People might not fully understand how important it is to be surrounded with the right persons until  they find themselves alone in the dark, their back against the wall, fighting their battles ALONE. for being there at some points in my life, I know how much it can hurt to have none left... None left to turn to, except few people you might not even have tought of. Then with time they turn into the few people you learn to count on, the few that walk by your side along the way, during the high and the lows, during the smiles and the tears, during the times of happiness and the times of sorrows. The few that truly know you like a book they have read over and over and who you can trust even in midst of betrayal.

One thing I have learned from life is that the people you start you journey with are not necessarily the one you will end up with. Though, It might happen sometimes that your journey end with the same persons you have started with. In either case, you need sometimes to let go of some  people for you to be able to move on. Don't worry if at some point you don't know what seems to be the right decision to make regarding who to let in and who to let out because guess what? Life is like a strainer: it will let the essential people continue with you and show the exit to the one whose time to walk by your side has expired.

So chill out, smile, be happy and enjoy the journey as much as you can

 

 

"God puts people in your life for a reason, and removes them from your life for a better reason."

- Unknown

Juliette apres Roméo

Romeo s’est barré et a laissé Juliette en plant, elle l’aimait trop pour croire qu’il aurait pu lui briser le Cœur. « Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison même ignore », se disait Juliette, qui remplit d’illusions attendait que Roméo revienne. C’était là son souhait et sa prière quotidienne, il lui manquait et je le savais. Elle n’avait pas besoin de le dire, ça se lisait dans son regard. Et même quand elle le détournait, je pouvais l’entendre dans sa voix. Et pourtant il n’y a pas eu que des hauts et leur relation n’a pas toujours été celle qu’on a l’habitude d’entendre. Il y a eu des cris et des larmes, il y a eu des excès de colère et des mots qui blessent.

 Et puis il y a aussi eu les parents de Romeo qui ne voulaient pas de Juliette. Leur amour n’était qu’un caprice, disaient-ils, il était trop bien pour elle. Chagrin d’amour, passion déraisonnée, quand le cœur prend le dessus et remporte la bataille contre la raison. Larmes et incompréhensions quand ce qui « sonne comme une évidence » finit par être vu comme une coïncidence. Juliette aimait Roméo mais lui il était amoureux d’elle : elle, elle le savait ce n’était pas pareil.

Romeo s’est barré et a laissé Juliette en plant, la veille il y avait de la tension dans l’air à cause de ce que les parents de Romeo auraient dit à propos de Juliette. Elle s’est énervée et a dit des mots qu’il ne fallait pas, il s’est emporté et lui a balancé qu’il en avait marre et que de toute façon entre eux ca collait pas. Il est parti sans se retourner et a claque la porte derrière lui. Elle a appelé sa meilleure amie et dans ses bras, elle a pleuré toute la nuit.

Rancœur, larmes, colère et douleur, elle ne comprenait pas pourquoi tout avait tourné si mal. Et pourtant il lui avait promis de ne jamais lui briser le cœur. Elle n’osait toujours pas croire que tout cela n’était qu’un leurre. Elle se disait que ça lui passerai et qu’il reviendrait, qu’ils se réconcilieraient ; ça ne pouvait être que ça, le scénario était déjà fait. Les jours ont passé et les mois aussi, Juliette est restée seule Romeo s’est tiré ; « pourquoi tu n’as rien fait pour le retenir ? » – ai-je demandé. Une larme a roulé le long de sa joue puis elle a avoué la gorge nouée : « J’étais trop blessée pour lui demander de rester ». Juliette aimait Roméo pas qu’à cause de ses beaux yeux bleus, il était doux et attentionné, il l’aimait juste comme il faut et puis a l’époque tout allait bien : ils étaient heureux. Il y a quelques mois elle était heureuse et ne voyait que sa de son petit nuage, aujourd’hui redescendue sur terre elle n’y voit plus clair parce qu’écorchée vive dans son coeur l'amour a  fait place a la rage. 

Romeo s’est barré et a laissé Juliette en plant, elle l’aimait mais il était amoureux définitivement ce n’était pas pareil. A l’époque elle s’appelait Juliette et le trouvait infiniment beau, aujourd’hui elle s’appelle cœur de bombe et a compris que « derrière les princes se cachent toujours des crapauds ». Elle a eu mal de le voir partir mais depuis le temps, elle a réappris à sourire en pensant à lui parce qu’avec lui elle a decouvert ce que signifiait aimer. Son coeur a gueri des blessures du passe mais les cicatrices demeurent, un jour elle le sait, la peine finira par la mettre en veilleuse et perdre la bataille face au Bonheur.

 

"J'aimerais briser autant que l'on m'a brisé, sans jamais avoir de regret. Mais que faire sinon de laisser couler ? Coule la vie, coule les larmes, coule le temps pour oublier..."   

 Inconnu