Don't Take It Personally

Have you ever met one of those people whose are constantly mean? Always hiding behind sarcasm, borderline aggressive and never to be caught saying a single nice thing to somebody? If yes you know how soul crushing it can be to be around those people and of course, like everybody else, you have at least once wondered a) if you did something wrong or b) if it's just the way those people are. If you have answered yes to question b) you have most likely asked yourself question c) : Is s/he always like this? The answer to question c is more complex than just a regular yes. But right off the bait, let me state that the undeserved plate of ice cold unkindness you have been served has probably nothing to do with you and more to do with the people who made that "dish" and served it to you. And if this is the case, the purpose of my article today is to walk you (to he best of my abilities) trough some to of the legitimate (to my opinion) reasons why you should just toss that "dish" into the "idgaf" bucket instead of taking any offense that may stem from it seriously.

1- Those people are just in a bad mood

I know what you are about to say and I agree: it's unfair to be mad and say things that are not so nice to other people just because you are in a bad mood but life happens. And there are just days where you run a tad bit overdraft on your "nice and courteous" account and ugly things happens a.k.a you hurt people's feelings. Not that you mean it (well... sometimes you do but it's a different story...) but for a moment the mean troll in you just took control and your will power was like a wimpy kid that couldn't do anything. And when things like that happen you cannot do anything but put the words that are being said to you on the account of a bad mood. You don't want to cling to those hurtful words because really they are not worth the trouble so you just toss it to the side and you move on.

2- Anger is the only things those people know

We were not all fortunate to grow up in the most perfect environment where we are all loved, and the world was all pink and we all walked hand in hand pretending evil didn't exist. Some people had it rough and the only thing that helped get through the emotional and physical challenges they faced growing up was to toughen out and turn into the most horrible creatures of all time. They became that Hulk who instead of literally smashing people, smashes the crap out of people's feelings; even the nice IT guys who was just trying to be friendly but who Hulks calls lame, ugly and pathetic because he is just in fact smart. Not cool...

I do believe that we have the choice when it comes to deciding on the type of person we want to turn into when we grow up; but sometimes there are desperate situations that call for desperate measures and maybe some of those people found themselves in positions where there had no other choices but to be Hulk. And when it comes down to this, no matter what you do, you might never get the kindness and consideration you are looking for. Not because you are doing things wrong  but simply because that person you are dealing with doesn't know anything else but being mean, inconsiderate of people's feelings and careless about how hurtful some words/ behaviors can be. So in this case would it be smart to make a case out of everything that is being said and/or done? Probably not.

3- They are fighting battles you know nothing about

When you are going through rough patches in life, you are like a grenade that can explode at any given moment. And just like any exploding grenade, you are more likely to create casualties. The amount of pressure we are under nowadays, whether it is financial, emotional or social is doing nothing but pushing us to the edge, making our internal grenade mechanism tick faster and faster, until the threshold is reached. And if unfortunately someone, whoever that person is- is around that day, it will be more likely that s/he will be counted as a casualty. And I know saying this it doesn't ease the fact that your feelings have been hurt, but keeping in mind that it could have been somebody else that day is a good enough reason to let water run under the bridge and wash away the dirt / hurt brought by those mean words.

4- They just enjoy seeing other people hurt

As twisted and weird as it sounds, this is true for some people out there: they are naturally mean and feel an unprecedented satisfaction from hurting people 's feeling (hint: bullies)
And the reason why you shouldn't take any of what they say personally is because what they say to you has nothing to do with you. Rather, it is a projection of who they are, a projection of their own feeling, a projection of the reality they live in, which is rather ugly. And giving credit to what they say would be identifying yourself with a reality you are not part of. So why bother? There are more important things in life, which brings me to the 5th reason...

5- You have better things to do in life.

Holding a grudge and/or  nursing the hurt caused by words/ actions that have absolutely nothing to do with you or your reality asks for a ridiculous amount of energy. No only that, but the amount of time you spend letting those feelings control you and consume you is ludicrous. Personally I find it to be such a waste especially if the person who said those words to you has already forgotten! And here you are, sitting like an idiot and holding onto a grudge/hurt that is doing nothing but preventing you from living a happy life, while the person who caused it (unintentionally or intentionally) is living and not even paying attention to you. You end up wasting your time, energy and imagination (yes!) on trivial things when you could redirect them into more significant things. And years from now, you will be sitting at the same spot, blaming others and/or life for not giving you the opportunities you need when in reality, you had all you needed and wanted, but you were so busy rehearsing the hurt that you didn't see the beautiful and amazing opportunities life was offering you. So now that you still have the opportunity to do so: quit being hurt, let it go and start living.



We have all at some point said words we don't mean, no matter how careful we are with the words we say. It is life and it can happen. Those words can be hurtful and while some of us might apologize for them, we don't always end up obtaining the apology we deserve. But it is in our best interest to not hold on to those words and to let go, especially when we are conscious of the fact that those words do not align with our reality but rather, are a projection of the reality the people in front of us are living in at any given moment or have been living in for the longest time. Living happy is a choice and sometimes it starts with making a decision to not take people's words seriously. It starts with training your mind to reject every negative word that could destroy your happiness and embodying the following sentence and living it everyday of your life:

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

And this my friend, is how you win at living life like a boss...

    Just like Emma Stone... 😎

Until next time,

xo

Answering God's Call on Your Life: Finding Your Purpose

Two weeks ago I introduced this theme on Answering God's call on our lives. I briefly talked about my own experience, why we shouldn't be afraid to serve God and how He is more concerned about our availability rather than our ability to serve Him. If you hadn't had a chance to read the article yet you can click here to do so in order to understand the logic behind this article which is the second and last part of the theme Answering God's call on your life. Whenever we hear somebody talk about God's call we have that dreadful feeling, that unexplained fear that creeps on us and totally paralyzes us. But what exactly is answering God's call? Well simply put, answering God's call on our lives is finding your purpose and living it fully in such a way that, as christians, we let the light of Christ shine through us and his grace touch the lives of people who need it. 

Years ago, it didn't make much sense to me. Of course, I had heard people talk about "finding their purpose" but it didn't really ring a bell to me. I knew I was born to achieve great things, I knew I was meant to serve God with the gifts He gave me and make other people benefit from them and be blessed through them but I didn't know how. I didn't know where the Lord called me to be, I didn't where He wanted me to serve Him. And the older I got, the more it started intriguing me:  I started to see my friends and people around me get motivated and do things that were beyond imagination. I saw people take an astonishing 360 degrees turn in their lives and take it to a place of greatness, a place where they felt great about themselves but also a place where their lives and what they were doing made a positive and powerful impact on the people around them. As much as I was inspired by the way they were driven and dedicated to make the world a better place by living their purpose, I could help but desperately ask myself what was MY purpose.

I started questioning it, brainstorming and forcefully trying to create it in order to feel better about myself, leading to a lot of things I started and ended up giving up upon half way. After going from one failure to another, from one dead end to another I started to get  frustrated because I couldn't figure it out. I didn't think it was going to be so hard to find my purpose. And so I gave up on it because the deception from realizing everytime that what I thought was my purpose wasn't it in reality. However, one day as I was reading my Bible in the book of Roman, I stumbled on some verses in chapter 12 that caught my attention. In this chapter in verse 6, Paul says :

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us"

And he goes on giving a list of the different gifts we have been given by the Lord. But the verse that clicked right away and made me understand what my purpose was, was ultimately the first part of verse 8:

"If it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully"

Right a that moment everything made sense... When I started blogging it was because I loved to write and I needed an outlet to express myself. But the more I was writing, the more I started realizing that this was bigger than me: it was never about just writing, it was never about the followers: it was about reaching out to the people going through tough times and encouraging them with my words. I remember about times where I had wanted to give up and just delete my blog. And in one of those days, I remember my sister telling something along these lines :

"Granted that some people land on your blog by pure accident, but let me tell you this: there are people that come back because of the impact your words have on their lives. Somebody somewhere needs your words so don't give up".

This was an aha! moment which made me realize what my purpose was and where God wanted me to serve Him: He wanted me to serve Him here, encouraging people and sharing a little bit of happiness through my blog. And that is the reason why this blog was created even though I didn't know it back then. It wasn't for me to express myself, it wasn't for me to treat it as a leisure or a hobby (even if at the beginning I did). It was about touching somebody's life and encouraging that person using my words and my experiences through life to the best of my abilities. It was about touching and changing lives using the gift that God has given me.

One thing I wan you to take away here is that your purpose might not be about changing the life of a million of people, it might not be about the big things. Sometimes your purpose is about the small things, the things that we overlook because we think they are insignificant. But everything, no matter how small it is, exists for a purpose and everything we say or do can impact and change one person's life in the most unexpected ways; whether it is with a smile, a kind word, a word of encouragement or even a hug. Don't minimize the importance of the small things or details because it is sometimes those small details that make a huge difference in the way somebody's life turns around - especially when God is involved and when you are at the place He has called you to serve Him.

So if like I did, you are still trying to find your purpose in life and you can't seem to find what it is don't get discouraged. Pray about it and follow your passion and eventually it will lead you to your purpose. And when you get there, always remember that is it not about changing the life of a million of people, and it is not about you but rather, about that one person whose life is going to be brightened up and turned around in a positive way through the gift God has given you.

Until next time,
xo

Answering God's Call on Your Life: When Will Matters More Than Ability

This article is part of a two parts series (maybe three... I don't know yet) focusing on finding your purpose in life. About a week ago, I was blessed to attend a concert of Hillsong United as part of their Empires 2.0 Tour to promote the release of their new album - Empires. It was an amazing experience where they gathered the children of God and led them into FOUR Hours!! of PURE worship and praise to our Lord and Savior. Four hours during which we all surrendered to our Lord, willing to let Him have His way through us and do whatever He had planned for us that specific day. Some people might say Four hours is a lot; they might say they are not able to do it and humanly speaking it is perfectly understandable. But then I realized that serving God has nothing to do with our abilities and all to do with our availability.

Because the truth is serving God is not easy: it is beyond any human strength and the time, efforts, emotions required to do it cannot be sustained by ourselves. Not only that, but as we consider that we are flawed creatures, with weaknesses and limitations, it only makes sense that only God can give us the ability to serve Him. And that is the reason why I said higher that God isn't questioning our abilities: He knows that by ourselves we cannot. The only question He is asking is "Are you available? Are you willing to give me your time? Are you willing to give me your all so that I can use you to heal broken hearts, bring salvation to those who are lost, grace to those who are condemned by their sins and deliver those who are held captives?"

God cares about whether or not we would be willing to let Him touch people and change lives through us the exact same way He used other people to do it for us!

I used to be scared to serve the Lord. You know how you can kill a cockroach when it is on the floor but the minute it starts flying you're just like... Nope... and you just take off? Yeah.. I was scared like that (no shame whatsoever in admitting it!). I was terrified. I had no problem being a Christian and a follower of Christ (no typo here: you can be a follower and not be a christian) and a doer of the Word. But serving God? I was like... Bye ✌
Why? because I told myself: I can't preach, I can't pray that long, I can't lay hands on people, I can't do this or that... The list was long! But then it took me two things to unlock my will and desire to serve God.

Situation 1: could be represented (almost) as me being zealous for doing the things God as called us to do as Christian and live (as much as possible) according to the word
Situation 2: Did somebody say Serve God? 👀 🏃🏃🏃

1) We all have a different call upon our lives

God has called us, each to something specific and we have to pray for God to help us figure out what it is. Serving God is not only preaching or singing or those great things we think it is and that scare us. Serving God could be praying for other people when you pray at home. Serving God could be exercising the gift of liberality He has bestowed upon you. It could be by providing words of encouragements to people and help them go through their hardship. It could be through showing the love of God by relieving those who are in need. There are SO MANY WAYS to serve God. You just have to pray and ask God where He wants you to be, what He wants you to do and the minute the have the answer to those prayers  just ask Him for directions on how to do it.

2) God will always give you the resources you need

One of the many wise persons I have had the honor to share my walk with Christ once said : "God will never give you a vision without the provision". The moment we decide to serve God and to let Him work through us and with us, He will give us all we need. It is at this moment that intervenes the notion of ability: God gives us the ability to serve Him. Sure there will be hard times, there will be peaks and valleys but the God who has called us will provide us with EVERYTHING we need and He will carry us through it all.

Sure there will be raging storms  and we will have to navigate our ways on raging seas but as long as we rely on God and keep our eyes about the waves, we will get to destination safely.

To you, who have received Christ, His grace, mercy and light, wherever you are, whoever you are, not matter how old you are, I pray that you do not keep it to yourself. There are people suffering, walking in the darkness, waiting on you to experience peace, freedom, salvation, deliverance or maybe receive that love they never did. It doesn't have to be something big: it could be a simple gesture such as smile or a word of encouragement using the Word of God or even sharing this post 😉

Whatever it is, I pray that you find it and that you let God use you and that you let His light shine through you.

I have done my share of the work, now go and do yours.

Until next time,
xx

You mad bro?

Have you ever been approached by a stranger in the street saying:” smile!” or by a coworker, family member, friend to ask you “Why are you mad?”, only for you to respond that you are fine and that there is nothing wrong? If yes, you already know what this is about. If you don’t then you are about to find out.

Pretty sure it's just my face... But thanks for asking

Ladies and gentlemen today we are talking about the resting Bitch face or RBF (or Bitchy Resting Face; BRF). I am going to be totally honest with you: until recently I didn’t even know it was a thing or that there even was a name for unintentionally frowning your face and looking like you're about to punch somebody in the face. Yes that’s exactly what it is. And if you are "suffering" from that too I bet you find it very annoying when people walk to you a millions times a day to ask you what’s wrong with you, only to realize that your face is the only thing wrong. And I didn’t know how concerning it was until recently when I saw a picture of myself and my facial expression made me gasp.

Pretty accurate

I wanted to understand what the root cause of it was and also raise some awareness (not sure what I am raising awareness for but oh well...). So I looking up some stuff and it turns out that RBF is a “syndrome” (lol whatever that means). According to some of the findings I stumbled onto it is not people just throwing shades, it is not some angry girl being mad at you or some random guy trying to break you in half: it is a real thing. A real thing that Behavioral researchers Jason Rogers and Abbe Macbeth tried to explain using a face reader program. All in all, the software compares the face of a “normal” person and the face of someone with RBF using 500 points on theirs faces to analyze their expressions and detect signs of various emotions (expressed and hidden). According to the results published by the two researchers and mentioned in the Huffington Post “ The typical facial expression is mostly neutral with just 3 percent of different emotions hidden in it, including just a drop of contempt. In RBF, however, the level of emotion nearly doubles to 5.76 percent — with most of that increase in the form of contempt.”

                         

Stranger: Why so mad? * Me: No... really I'm not... mad... it's just my face 😩

And if you have ever seen Kanye’s, Kristen Stewart’s  or even Anna Kendrick’s faces at rest you can kind of sense that note of contempt. However, Macbetch noted that “the FaceReader is not detecting enough contempt to reflect true contempt because these faces are not actually displaying contempt” before adding that   “It just looks like contempt to the viewer. Thus, it is the perception of that unconscious, subtle contempt expression that defines RBF” [More information about the study here]

Anna Kendrick on twitter: "Is there a filter on Instagram that fixes Bitchy Resting Face? Asking for a friend"

The study also mentioned that even though RBF is more commonly associated to women, it also affects men. So next time you are tempted to ask somebody if the person is mad or pick a fight because you feel like the person is throwing shades, consider that it might only be the person’s face that is wrong and nothing else. For having RBF and knowing people who have that too (ndlr my dad and my mother), you just have to learn to work with it and know the difference between their “I am pissed off” face and  their "regular" face (replace regular by RBF)

I hope this article was helpful and don’t be scared of us people with RBF, we are [sometimes] great people with a freaking messed up face. So next time you see me say hi and I’m pretty sure you’ll see me smile ;)

Until next time,
xo

Common Happiness Killers/ Joy Stealers and How To Shut Them Down

I don’t really remember how I got to that point where the idea about that article came up, but one thing I know is that I was browsing for a journal to keep track of a project I have been working on and planning since last year (and which hopefully I will be able to see come true this year). One thought leading to another, as I was looking at the journals and stationary articles available, I suddenly found myself comparing myself to some other people, undermining my potential, being bitter about who I was and somewhat about how my life had turned out and wondering what would have come of me if it had turned another way. This went on for a good 5 min before I caught myself and start correcting my train of thoughts– I know... You might be tempted to say that it is not much but believe me it was enough to make me go from happy and skipping in the street to give-me-a-Xanax 😩 in matter of seconds . What made me decide to write that article wasn’t how harsh I was in the way I was judging/criticizing myself or my life, but rather, how quickly I caught what was going on in my mind before those poisonous thoughts destroyed my happiness garden. So today, I decided to talk about the most common happiness killers/ joy stealers and how counter the poisonous darts they throw at us to bring us down while we are on our happiness journey.

1- Compare yourself to others

 Comparing ourselves to others is the biggest disservice we can do to ourselves when it comes to being happy. See when people compare you to other people they might have some power on what is external and that they can see but you have power over what is internal and is the most important. But when you compare yourself to other people, you are literally tearing yourself apart from the inside out. What is left if people break you down externally and you are tearing yourself out internally? That’s right nothing! So you want to be careful about your train of thoughts and the image you have of your own self. Instead of comparing my life to other people’s life, I have learned to understand that I cannot compare where I stand now to the place in life where other people stand because our stories are different. Our struggles are different. The paths we have chosen to walk are different. But most importantly, the amount of time they have been walking their paths is different than the amount of time I have been walking mine. So comparing myself/ my life to other people is a luxury I cannot afford. I can guarantee you that if one of the reasons aforementioned rings a bell to you, you will get over your habit of comparing yourself to others.

2- Not being appreciative of what you have/ complaining too much

I think this one is a no brainer. The more you complain, the less you appreciate what you have and the only thing you see is what you do not have. And because you do not have those thing you want so much and think will make you happy, you turn out being unhappy. But one thing you need to understand is that linking your happiness to material things will have two directly related effects : a) a temporary happiness that is only present whenever you get one of those things you cross out of your wishlist and b) a vicious cycle that is rooted in a). Being happy starts with being content with what you have. Being happy and content with what you have doesn’t mean that you do not aspire to have better things in life or that you don’t want things that would make you "happier". It just means that you understand that those things are not essential to your happiness or in another word, your happiness is independent of whether or not your get those things. Learn to be content, and you are halfway there on living a happy life.

3- Let people's criticism, opinion and ugly words get to you

I always find it amusing when I see some people paying so much attention to the criticism of persons who do so little for them. I’m just like… why though? Granted sometimes people make some criticisms because they know you can be a better person, you can do better. But honestly, we all know that out of 10 people making criticisms, 3 of them are doing it for your good and the rest just want to tear you down and drag you into the mud. They know that if they can’t get to you physically, their words will just tear you down and do the work their fists can’t do. Whenever someone I’m not close to or don’t even know makes comments or tries to get to me through criticism I’m like: who are you? oh... That’s right! It's irrelevant and honestly I couldn't care less 😒.

Whatever people say about you/ think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! And whatever negative comments they make about you,  Don't let it get to you and honestly here is my advice below...

Do you booboo... Do you.💁🏾

4- Allowing the “what ifs” to take up way too much space

This one is the sneakiest, dirtiest and cruelest (is that even a word? Nevermind… don’t answer that) one. You just have to let life be what it is. The past is gone, the future is not here yet. All you have is the present: make the most out of it! Don’t let anything that is not part of now ruin your happiness and bring you more sorrows than you need. You already (I assume) have a plate full of it, don’t make it harder for you. Don't let those two words haunt you: you have a life to live.

5- Overthinking too much

A.k.a the torture weapon. It will keep you up at night by sending your mind in overdrive, make you tired and paranoid during the day, induce emotional breakdowns and turn you into one of those people who are totally disconnected from reality. How do I know? I have been there. There is only so much you can deal with at a given moment. Don’t try to overdo it. Why? Because you will create issues that didn’t even exist in the first place. It will make you worry sick about things you shouldn’t even worry about and suck every ounce of life and happiness out of you. There is a say in my dad’s village that goes by: “One does not need to rise on the tip of the toes to see what will eventually come”. Granted you have to be prepared for situations but you need to understand that what will happen is what is meant to happen. And no matter how much overthinking you do and your degree of preparedness, what needs to happen will happen. So instead of stressing yourself out, maybe you should try to turn down the overdrive a notch and enjoy life a little.

I am sure there are many more happiness killers/ joy stealers out there, but those are the ones I could come up with at the moment. Let me know if you can think of some and/or if you have more tips to counter them.

Until next time,
xo