The Might God And The Taunting Giant: Overcoming The Giant Of Addiction

Running to addictions to mend our brokenness or numb our feelings is similar to fixing something broken on your car internally with duct tape: it seems smart. It seems to work. Things feel good in the moment until they don’t. At first it’s one thing that is wrong then everything starts falling apart one after the other or sometimes all at once. When I used to hear addiction, my mind automatically would to go to drugs or alcohol when really, addiction is ANYTHING that will give you a feeling of high, anything that you run to to numb your feelings or escape your reality -internal or external, anything you will use as a coping mechanism for trauma. While addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex can be the most obvious and destructive there are also other kind of addiction that are more subtle but just as destructive : addiction to other people’s approval/ validation/acknowledgement, addiction to social media, addiction to TV, to books, music, the gym (wow... okay whet... what?! Yes... I said what I said so don't @ me. Get in line, you can wait like all the others to fight me)

Addiction is something that steals your time, energy, focus and resources and prevents you from developing proper mechanisms and techniques to face issues in life and resolve them in a healthy way. Essentially, instead of confronting the issues and talking about them, addictions are a way of sweeping them under the rug and pretending they do not exist. In the case of books, TV or even music, it is a bubble that we live in and find refuge in when the world becomes unbearable. Being an addict is like going into a forest: the deeper we go in, the less satisfying it is. There is that itch to keep going further and further, heightening the thrill, being convinced that there is a grandiose thing that we will run into if we keep pushing. But somehow, some of us become disillusioned and soon realize that we are lost in the forest and can’t find our way back unlike Hansel and Gretel.

Although it may feel like being lost is the end, it is in a way a beginning: a rebirth to being someone better, an opportunity to make better choices. But there is a monumental work to do and steps to take to get out of the woods and find our way back into reality. So what exactly are those steps from a Christian/ spiritual perspective? As we dive into Louie Giglio’s book, Goliath Must fall, this is his advice to us [because if we are honest, we all have an addiction to something or someone] to overcome the giant of addiction.

1- Find the root cause of the addiction

In order to even start addressing the subject of addiction, we need to recognize that it is the symptom of something that runs deeper into our being; a bigger problem to which the addiction is only the tip of the iceberg. Addiction is a deeper manifestation of the inner dysfunction that we are struggling to overcome and that we need to identify (name). Identifying the root of the problem will allow to come up with a better plan to create a long lasting change/recovery using tools such as cognitive and behavioral therapy that will help cope better with the triggers at the origin of the addiction issue, rehabilitation in order to get the patient to the place where the former steps can be taken and support group that will assist the recovering addict as well as provide the accountability needed to stay on track with the progress. 

2- Vulnerability

The next prescription on Louie's list is to be vulnerable before God and ask for help. God is a gentleman like that and He will not force His way into a situation. And so, while we expect God who knows everything to step up and magically work things out, God is waiting for us to ask. But the problem is that many of us struggle with being vulnerable because we have been taught that to be vulnerable is to be weak when in reality it is the greatest sign of courage. The courage to disclose something that we know people can judge us based on or even hurt us with. So we have projected our [bad] experiences when it comes to vulnerability onto God and have held Him- and ourselves- hostage to human standards. In order to have a breakthrough when it comes to addiction, we have to be willing to be vulnerable with God and the people around us trusting that in time we will get through the storm. 

3- Running to God

Louie urges us to run to God when we feel faint, trusting that His grace is enough to sustain us. Paul in Hebrews 4: 16 says : “I am approaching the throne of grace with confidence , so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need” and this is what we ought to do along with being vulnerable and getting to the root of the problem. To start the process is hard but to stay the course is harder and that is why, with no shame, we should run to God when we feel like we are faint, when we feel like we are close to missing the mark. And even in the times when we do, we are to remember that we are never beyond God’s reach, never too far to be rescued.

Overcoming the giant of addiction starts with surrendering to God and acknowledging that we are limited in the many ways there are to handle battles and not always equipped to handle them. It is only when we recognize that we are limited and worn out that we can receive from Christ the strength that we need to overcome our addictions, for it is not by our own strength or power but knowing that “ we are more than conquerors through Him [Christ] who loved us.” (Rom 8:37)

This last article concludes our series on the Mighty God and The Taunting Giant. I hope you enjoyed it! 

Until next time,

A purposeful wanderer

The Might God And The Taunting Giant: Overcoming The Giant Of Anger

It is midnight and there is service tomorrow. I should be in bed, but instead I am typing those words about another giant that has done a lot of damages, sometimes irreparable ones, in our community: the giant of anger. It will have you act funny and say not so funny things. It will have you breaking hearts and destroying lives in a heartbeat. And sometimes an apology is not enough. It is a beginning but it doesn’t take away the sting. It doesn’t mend a broken heart or broken relationships. It feels good to hear sometimes but other times, it is like trying to fix a bullet hole with a band aid. Growing up, I used to be a very emotional kid. I still am a very emotional person but there was a period in life where everything that I used to express and project outward just went inward and anger is one of those things. I went from having outburst of angers and fighting with about everybody that would act, talk or look at me funny to having a silent attitude and energy that would let the entire world know that there was some kind of rage and anger bubbling within. As Iyanla would call it, I was nasty nice: I was cloaking my attitude with a semblance of nice words which lowkey-highkey were jabs thrown at people. If my words were mean but served with a smile and a “I didn’t mean it that way” then really nobody could say that I was outwardly being aggressive or angry. Sometimes I was fake nice and some other time I was plain nasty: going for the jugular and trying to cut people deep with my words and my actions so that they could bleed the way other people made me bleed. I had gone from being openly aggressive at times to being passive aggressive which is one of the sneakiest, nastiest and most destructive form of anger that can ever be experienced. 

I have been on both ends : giving and receiving; but just as symptoms are a manifestation of something deeper, my anger was about something deeper than my outward experience of the world: it was rooted into a deep feeling of rejection, of feeling “off” that started out as frustration and grew into anger. What appeared and manifested itself as anger (inappropriate behavior) was a frustration about an inward experience that was exacerbated by external stimuli that amplified the discomfort I was experiencing growing up: the words that were said, the behaviors I had to accommodate because I didn’t have a voice, the confusion I grew up in but most importantly the part where I was made to feel like I was not good enough for people to stay, to fight for me, to defend me, to meet me half way or even to understand me. This deadly cocktail made me act funny and knock down people because I was on the ground and if I couldn’t stand then everybody had to go down with me. Anger is not a one time and done thing to deal with: it takes time and even though I have come a long way from where I used to be, there is still a tremendous amount of work to be done and every offense I have to fight my way through reminds me of it. But here is what Louie Giglio has to say about what he calls “the five smooth stones of truth” necessary to overcome the giant of anger: 

1- Remind ourselves that we aren’t perfect to begin with 

Putting things in perspective is one of the things that have allowed me to revisit my stance on anger. I used to be very good at holding a grudge but I have learned to lay it down at the foot of the cross. The first reason is that in the same way my feelings have been hurt, I felt betrayed or disrespected, God has experienced the same feeling when because of sin I put Him through what people have put me through. So being able to picture Him forgiving me and understanding that my record is not perfect made me drop some of the stones I had so many times wanted to throw at people. The second reason is that what has been done to me, I have done unto others and sometimes to a degree bigger than what I went through. And if God and those people were able to forgive me then why not forgive? God’s forgiveness gets me off my high horse when I think some people’s actions or words or behaviors don’t deserve forgiveness because if God could forgive me then I have no reason to withhold grace and forgiveness from someone else. 

2- We remind ourselves that God made peace with us 

More often than not, our outbursts of anger are rooted into rejection and the belief/feeling of not being good enough when the truth is we are. We have been accepted, forgiven and covered by the greatest kind of love that can ever be and there is proof: Jesus died for us at the cross. He took away our sins and the wrath of God that was destined to us fell on Him so that we can be reconciled with God. We are no more at odds with Him, we are no more working towards earning acceptance but we walk in it. We also walk in forgiveness and the peace that is offered to us through Christ. And when anger rages within and the lies of the enemy seem to intensify the flames of anger, we can always run to the cross where we can find solace in Christ. 

3- We hold on to the promise that God is our avenger 

I used to believe in payback but then, as I grew in my relationship with God, I learned to leave it all at the cross and pray for healing. What I realized is that God is a much better retributor than I can ever be to someone who did me wrong. More often than not, our motivation for payback is the belief that people will get away with their actions when the Bible assures us that there is a retribution for everything that we do, good and bad (Job 34:11) and our God is “ a jealous and avenging God” (Nahum 1:2). In all the times where I sought to do myself justice, it was never satisfying: the more I pushed for revenge, the greater the thirst for it was. It was consuming me and stealing my joy, my life and my precious time while the offenders went about their lives, not giving a dime about me. I had to surrender to God, to relinquish my right to do wrong because I was wronged and let God be God and be my judge and my avenger. To relinquish to God doesn’t mean to pretend that we are fine or to brush the hurt aside: it means to acknowledge it and to surrender it to God for healing instead to striking back. 

4- We forgive 

It took me a long time to understand that forgiveness was for me and even when I did, it took me an even long time to start practicing it. To forgive is hard. To forgive is divine and requires a belief in something bigger than you in order to move past some offenses. And I know because I have been through some things that still work me up. To forgive is not a once and done deal: it is a repetitive action where you will have to bring some offenses to the cross more than once. Why? Because thinking about some offenses will stir up your feelings, your soul and your spirit. Thinking about some offenses will make you feel as if you are still in the moment but instead of reacting on it, you have to surrender the feelings and the offense to the authority of Christ and lay them down at the foot of the cross. Forgiveness is you acknowledging that you were wronged and yet, choosing to not hold it against whoever offended you. Anger burns bridges and make them burn for however long the feelings are up. Forgiveness is quenching the fire. Forgiveness does not equate restoring the relationship that is broken or rebuilding the bridge because you might just not want to take the steps towards either of those options. Forgiveness is letting go of the offense so that the enemy cannot keep on building a fence that separates you from God because of your anger and unwillingness to forgive. 

5- We are sons and daughters of God 

No rejection, betrayal or belittling can trump God’s love and choice for us. This is the fifth truth that Louis Giglio calls us to remember every day. We are to remember that God’s love and voice are above all the aforementioned and that we are seen, loved, adored, taken care of and safe. We have a God that is looking out for us and will never forget nor forsake us.

The giant of anger can be hard to defeat, especially in a culture where people don't necessarily have the appropriate ways and tools to deal with emotions as overwhelming as anger can be. However, in the words of Louie, " we have to let God shift the tide in our heart" if we want to overcome this giant and live and free, fulfilling and purposeful life in Christ. 

Until next time,

A purposeful wanderer ❤

The Mighty God and The Taunting Giant: Overcoming The Giant of Rejection

I was found

Before I was lost

I was Yours

Before I was not

Grace to spare

For all my mistakes

And that part just wrecks me

And I know I don't deserve this kind of love

Somehow this kind of love is who You are

It's a grace I could never add up

To be somebody You still want

But somehow

You love me as You find me

~ Hillsong United

Back at it again and picking up from where we left at in our series. And today we are going to talk about the giant of rejection. I tried to write that piece so many times and it just didn’t feel right. Until today. I have always been real and have been very open about using my own experience as a platform to encourage, educate and/or share a good laugh and this piece about rejection is no exception.

A while ago, I met a guy (there is always a guy *le sigh*) and from my side of things things were good. Although I had been honest about not being in the right place to date ANYBODY, I still relent to go out with him a few times. And then, at some point (on a day we were actually supposed to go out) he hit me with the infamous, unofficial break up text: "I don’t see this going anywhere and I don’t want to waste your time. I still hope we can be friends." Despite the fact that I truly and honestly wasn’t in any kind of way available to date, I still liked him and was interested in getting to know him. And the sting of rejection felt like salt added to a fresh wound. And the fact that he didn’t give any reason probably made it worse. Although I rationalized being okay with this, I did dwell on it for a while because I couldn’t rationalize that he didn’t want me (I know right?! Tragic!)

I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that, whatever this was, he didn’t want to be a part of it. And this is the thing with rejection: whether there is a reason or not, it never makes sense. It’s one of those things that you can never rationalize and when we can’t, we start making up stories about it that feeds into the beliefs, thoughts and behaviors we developed from past experiences. And I did. I remember distinctly thinking at some point “maybe there is really something wrong with me” but then I realized that it was a lie of the devil. So I had to send it back to hell where it came from. I had to change the story and introduce new data. I had to get it in my head that perhaps he just wasn’t that interested or he changed his mind along the way or perhaps the fact he was being realistic about the fact that I would not change my mind about dating and the sting of rejection was equally real for him so he cut his losses. But I had to stop thinking that I did something wrong or that there was something wrong with me. 

Rejection is a thing and it is a giant that can be taunting and that can forever stunt our ability to grow into who God has called us to be, exceeding the expectations the world has of us and breaking the boundaries [fairly or unfairly] imposed on us. Although we all have different backgrounds and life stories, our encounter with rejection at some point in life is what connects us all and portrays the universality of life. Rejection is never about the why; it is about the "why not me". And even though some people are pretty good at moving on from it, for some of us, rejection is a deeply rooted issue that screams loudly about the silent battle that we fight everyday: the one about us "not being enough". Rejection can get us into a weird place and make us act out of character. Rejection can be loud or very subtle; especially when it plays tag with its extended family. The extended family of rejection is made of two sides, just like IRL with our real families. There is the ratchet side that makes you act crazy: insecurity, low self esteem and self hate; and there is the neat and composed side that silently drives you crazy and everybody else around you: success driven (very competitive), perfectionism, obsession with winning at all costs and over achievement. Louie Giglio in his book Goliath Must Fall brings these two sides under the umbrella of a same dysfunctional family although one side appears to have it together and the other doesn't. The battle against the giant of rejection is an ever present one and on-going one that, for some of us, has been a family cycle that is passed on from generation to generation or for others, something that was born from a brokenness that we experienced later in life. Rejection has a sting that poisons everything good in us and infects us, a magnifying glass that blows our perceived failures out of proportions, pushing us into an everlasting chase for something better, bigger, higher out there, believing that it will fill the void that the giant of rejection is widening everyday. 

And as bad and hopeless as this fight seems to be, Louie Giglio is inviting us to "cloak ourselves in the true acceptance that Christ offers" in order to win it and this confidence in this divine acceptance is built on the following:

1- The understanding of the miracle of our creation

We are the work of God, fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139). When the lies of the devil surge to drown us into the sea of comparison, we ought the remember the truth that is the foundation of our creation and which according to Louie is that God made you:

Uniquely

⋆

Beautifully

⋆

Intentionally

⋆

Purposefully

⋆

Wonderfully

2-The remembrance that God chose us before the world and everything in it came to be; before we first experienced rejection, He chose us and loved us

We might not make it to people's choice but we are God's first choice, always have and always will be. And if this is not enough to uplift us and carry us through our battles against the giant of rejection, then we are to remember this...

3- The price God was willing to pay to save us

John 3:16. God gave his only son because He loved us and our worth is not measured by what we have or have don't have, can or cannot do: "our net worth is in Jesus-Christ. Our net worth is in whose life was given for us". we might not be worth a loaf of bread to this world, but to God, we are worth Jesus and "our net worth is forever anchored in the fact that Jesus was given for us"

4- We have to live life from Christ's acceptance, not for it

Jesus got God's acceptance before He even did a thing and so did we through Christ. Winning big in life doesn't equal victory over the giant of rejection. Acknowledging our need for acceptance and realizing that we have God's will set us free from the bondage of rejection. Understanding that we are not working towards earning that acceptance but rather that is was already given to us is what will allow us to uproot rejection and find our worth in Christ. Social media likes are great, being seen, validated and accepted by people is wonderful but living off it is setting ourselves up for a dependency on it to define us and setting ourselves up for failure; it also doesn't compare or come close to knowing that we are seen, heard, accepted and found worthy of being loved by the God who created the universe. 

Overcoming the giant of rejection boils down to being mindful of how much we're worth to and loved by God and "turning our hearts towards the one who's already pursuing us". No rejections, flaws or imperfections can trump God's choice to bring you on this earth. He loves you with an everlasting love. Always has and always will.

Until next time,

A purposeful wanderer ❤

On My Own Terms

"Going at your own pace means you are living in your timeline, in your own very special way" 

 ~Unknown

I wasn’t really planning on writing  or posting this but here I am. It is a fruit of a spur in inspiration; a string of words inspired by a picture and yet something that has been weighing on my spirit and my chest for a while. For those who don’t know I have a background in martial art. As a taekwondo athlete, I participated in tournaments and national junior championships (and actually won the nationals for my division) and dabbled for a while in jiu-jitsu. And then my health went to shreds and so did my life so I had to step off the mat to take care of myself. To care for that body that had carried me through so many great and not so great things in my life, to carry for that body that I had pushed to the limit so many time, to which I had constantly asked from and not really given to the proper way. I wouldn’t say that I am 100 percent back to where I was before everything went haywire but I am making my way there. I had been planning my comeback to the mat for years. I did come back actually. I few times and hoped it was it, but it wasn’t. I wanted to be ready. I wanted to be it, but it wasn’t. So then I knew I wasn’t ready. So when I finally accepted that, I just let the idea run its course and I gave my body and my mind the time to recover. I gave myself permission to stop running and to take a break. 

And I know my people miss me and they mean well when they say : “when are you coming back? Are you coming back soon? You need to come back! We miss you” but there is that part of me that feels pressured and sometimes trapped. It is the part of me that always wants to please. The part of me that would break to pieces to make people whole, the part of me that will cry in private if it meant the people I love and care for (and who obviously love me and care for me) would be beaming of joy in public. There was a time where I would have pushed beyond reason to make a comeback but my failed attempts at coming back have proven me that I cannot make something happen when it’s not time for it yet. And it’s not just the fear of failing again; it is not just that the timing is not there for me to make it happen: it is just knowing in my heart of heart that I am not ready yet. When I saw that picture of my people online, having so much fun on the mat I thought to myself : “gosh I miss that! I miss those crazy choking times and training like mad men. I miss being around my people and I miss that mat” but then I told myself : “I will go back… But when I do, I want it to be on my own terms”

And the same goes for dating and being in a relationship: people always ask and inquire. They frown and get borderline offended when my answer to them is : I am not dating now and I am not intending to do so for a while. I find it offensive and rude when people expect me to run with their timeline when I have one of my own that is unfolding and that I am desperately trying to understand without constantly having to ask myself: “what in the black Jesus is going on now?”

Just because you are ready for it to happen -whatever it is- doesn’t mean that I am. Just because you or I want a comeback so bad, doesn’t mean it will happen on your time clock or mine. And please, for the love of everything that is sacred on this precious earth, know that just because you apologized for the hurt that you caused doesn’t mean that I am ready just yet to drop the offense and meet you on the other side of the emotional fence. Life doesn’t work that way. Neither does the heart. It is all a process and it won't just happen overnight.

So when I say I will do it; when I say it will happen; when I say I am working on it; when I say that I am rooting and preparing for that comeback, just know that it will be on my own terms. And if you can’t get over it, then I have nothing more to offer you beside these words put together with nothing but good intentions and the hope that eventually you will get it. And if you don’t, well, at least I would have tried.

Until then,

The Happiness Fairy 👸

Breaking The Silence

"To live in your purpose, to walk in it, to go back to it time after time when all you want to do is give up, comes from the understanding that there is something about it that is bigger than you. And that something will keep nudging you until you finally do what you have been called to do. It doesn't matter how hard it is or how many time you give up. What matters is that after you're done kicking, scream and crying, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going"

It has been months and I haven’t been here as much as I thought I should have been. And there have been moments where I was caught up in the guilt: the guilt of not doing enough. Of not being enough. Of not working on my relationship with writing as much as I should have. But then I remembered: I remembered the mantras and the mental notes that I wanted to carry with me through 27 and I found grace in the midst of the guilt and the sorrows that were trying to drown me. I found grace because I had finally come to term with the fact that life came with a lot of things and sometimes no matter how much you want things to turn out a certain way they just don't. I struggled and grappled with my emotions, wanting to write. But I just couldn’t. I just couldn’t find the words some days. And other days, I just couldn’t find the strength and the inspiration to write them. And when I did find the words and I when I finally did get in the motion, there was just that crippling fear that it wouldn't be good enough. That my words wouldn't resonate as much as they did before. In those moments, what Adele meant when she was standing on the stage at the Royal Albert Hall made sense. In those moments I felt with every single fiber of my being what she meant when she said : "I was afraid I would have that song on this new album that would go and do what Hometown glory did". Being away for so long and deciding to come back, I didn't know if I still had it in me, if my words still had the power to go ahead and do what they had done before: to encourage, to move people the way they moved me as I was writing them; to bring healing and hope as I opened my world and invited strangers to step in it in a so brutally honest way that I was not always comfortable displaying with people I had known for years.

And the truth is as I write those words I still don't know: I still wrestle with it everyday. And honestly, yes: some of the things I write might suck. They might suck BIG TIME. But there might be that one bit in it that will get caught on a corner of your heart and go ahead to do something magic, a little bit like a warm hug that you long for at the end of those hard days where the only hard -and yet brave- thing that you did was hold yourself together and not fall apart. Writing is always a difficult process. Finding the right word, breaking your heart open and baring your soul to the rest of the world is the hardest and yet the bravest thing I have ever found the courage to do in a world, era and society where the culture preaches that to wear your heart on your sleeve will get you hurt and to be vulnerable will get you burnt. Maybe I will get hurt... And maybe I will get burnt... But maybe... Just maybe... Being vulnerable and keeping on sharing my story will reach people and hearts and go ahead to do something that would otherwise not happen.  Maybe... Just maybe... Some people will find a way to heal, to be hopeful, to be joyful... to smile again... to try again... to love again... To finally find the courage to type again on this keyboard is a little awkward and yet comforting. It is like being reacquainted with an old lover: the love is still here but things are just different; different than they were the first time around and yet there is that sense of familiarity, of words and emotions flowing so gracefully that hadn't happen in a while. There is a shift in the way the words are being put together,  a shift in the intentions, a shift in purpose, a shift in season. I have been through the ebbs and flow of life and through processes that have allowed me to shed some layers and in more than one way grow.  I have been on the highest mountains where I could feel the breeze and watch a few sunsets and sunrises and I have also been down to the lowest valleys and walked through them. I am just growing and  adjusting, wrestling with my craft, my art, as I learn to master it and allow my purpose to be manifested through it.

It is perhaps three months a little too late, but I’m hoping that with this new year will come new words and a renewed sense of why I started that journey in the first place. I hope, if anything, that clicking on the link leading here and reading these words, they will still ring true. They will still be relatable and that the stories and posts will still feel like home. Like you never left. Like I was never gone. If anything, I hope me finding my way back here will also help you find your way back to wherever you are trying to go but can’t see to find the way to.

Cheers to a new year and to being back to the things that matter.

Until next time,
The Happiness Fairy 👸