Saints Or Ain'ts?

"Counting other people's sins does not make you a saint"

Welcome back to the blog and to a new article. This one might come as a little bit of a shocker but I'll try to be as cool and soft as I can but there is no guarantee it's going to work...

Church is supposed to be the place where you can find comfort, people to trust and to help you get back on your feet when you happen to fall. But more often than not, what we tend to see is that those who are supposed to be a support become the ones condemning the people who came to them for help in the first place. I have found that we (I say we because I am a christian too) look down on people who have been guilty of not so pretty things forgetting that we have once been there and/or that we might end up being in that other person's shoes/ position some day. For being in positions, and places that are left to desire, I have been more than careful about judging people who came to me with issues/ things they were struggling with. And it came from the understanding that as human nobody is exempt from sinning. Moreover, I understood that people should not be judged because they sin in ways that we think we wouldn't; And honestly, what so we know about our positions? how do we know that those people who come to us with questions and have the ability to confess / understand their position are not better off than us, pretending to be saints when in reality we are just ain'ts?

Some people just genuinely struggle with things that they haven't found the strength to let go of and some other people just chose blatantly to go wrong. I have been in both groups. And one thing that I can tell you is that judgment never made it better. Judgement never made me question my position or some of the things that I did. If anything, it made me keep going. Why? Well: a) because I hadn't have a real encounter with Jesus and b) because the way people talked to me felt more like condemnation rather than trying to point to me what I did wrong from a place of love because conviction without love is condamnation.

Being a christian doesn't make anybody immune to sin. Being a christian and following God by developing a true, profound, sincere and intentional relationship with Him, leads someone to seeking God more and little by little turning away from sin. And the more time you spend in God's presence the more you start to develop an aversion to sin if and only if! you have truly surrendered your life to God and desire Him more than you desire the habits, decisions, actions that bind you to a sinful life. And this sanctification process doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and it is an ongoing, daily process in which sometimes there can be mishaps. It happens for everybody. And we shouldn't stay stuck on it but rather cry out to God, confess our sins and pray that He transforms us to bring us closer to his image. People tend to forget what/ who they were in the past, they tend to forget the path they have walked to be at a place today where the things that used to keep them in bondage do not affect them anymore or do not affect them as much. Jesus in John 8:1-11 when confronted with the issue of the adulterous woman stood before her accusers and said :"All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" and all of the sudden they were nowhere to be found. Jesus message was really clear: Don't judge/ condemn people because they are sinning differently than you. We are all as guilty for the things we do whether we realize it or not and perhaps the reason why we can still look at other people down is because no one has found out yet the nasty things we do. And even if people did, their job shouldn't be to condemn us but to call us upon it with love and compassion and if anything else fails, keep us in their prayers. The truth is we are no different from those people we condemn at all: we are just being "bad" in our very own, best and sneaky ways.

May God help us be kinder to those who are not at our level of faith to help them get closer to Jesus.

Much love

❤

The Ghosting Trend : When The People We Love/ care about Turn Into Casper

Welcome back to the blog and to a post I hope you find as interesting as I did writing it. I debated if it was a good idea or not to post this but I guess if it is not a good idea, I’ll just ride with it and get whipped later. Let me start by saying that the topic that is discussed today is a “thing”, a trend that I myself have also been guilty of. So truly this is a time to repent and a message to all the people who have been on the receiving end of that behavior I have exhibited. Ladies and gentlemen welcome tonight the most trending behavior of all time: Ghosting.

I do not know who invented this but let me tell you something from a black woman: that thing got me messed up! I am not even going to lie. The guy who says he’s going to call after a meeting, the girl who is talking to her mom and will call you back in 5. Yo… some of us have been waiting for 5 years!! For booboo the fool to be done at the barber shop and come back to go the movies (yeah I still got the tickets sitting on my night stand) . Let me catch a breath before I catch a mental breakdown. Having ghosted people and having been ghosted (yeah Karma was like: “girl you’re about to learn some!” and trust me I learned my lesson), I tried to understand the root cause of it. And after giving it some thought I understood that it was a phenomenon fostered by the society we live in: a society that has raised generations who have become inadequate.

We have become inadequate at expressing ourselves because we do not know how to communicate anymore without technology and outside of social media. We have not developed the skilled necessary to handle real human interactions. We have not learned to explore the broad spectrum of emotions which for us is limited to a double tap on Instagram, clicking on a reaction button on Facebook or sending a bunch of emojis via text messages. Anything outside of this frightens us because it is not familiar. It frightens us because we have not developed the tools necessary to handle people's emotions and the way they affect us. Or maybe we have but we simply don’t want to have to do it because we do not feel like it is our responsibility? Or perhaps we simply forbid ourselves to deal with people’s feelings triggered by our words, actions, decisions because it would imply that we have some kind of responsibility and accountability with regard to how they feel? Responsibility, accountability, duty, commitment to truth, inadequacy… All the things we hate to hear in one sentence… I feel the anxiety rising PLEASE give me a brown bag… Not working... I changed my mind!

And then once the panic is gone, we decide to ghost. We try to rationalize it and make ourselves feel better by fabricating lies. We stitch them up together, make them look nice and good, but let me tell you that it didn’t feel good to me when he didn’t return my calls, when all of the sudden he stopped texting, moved in with her and then got married. The crying, the wondering, the constant questioning of your value or self worth: “Was I not good enough? What did I do?” It never feels good and we will never understand but somehow we find the strength to move on because we realize that perhaps it had everything to do with them and little to do with us.

 Ghosting is not childish: there is nothing innocent or fun about it. It is a deliberate choice to ignore someone and destroy his/ her self-esteem in the process. And this is never acceptable. It is a disease that has been around for years and for which only cure will be the future generations if we teach them the right way to do things and instill in them the desire to build genuine relationship with people without the emotional numbness of technology and social media.

God help us all!

Until next time,

xo



Open Letter From An Empath

 Open Letter From An Empath

Empath... This is a new word for me because two or three years ago I didn’t know who I was, what that was or what it meant. I didn’t know how to qualify myself. All I knew is that I felt things deeply: when I was happy it was flooding my entire being and when I was heartbroken it was as if my soul was crushed in tiny million pieces and my chest was going to explode. I knew that whatever was going on with other people, I could feel it and related to them to a more intimate and emotional level. And then I one day I tumbled upon this word and all of a sudden it all made sense. It was like finally getting a diagnosis to what I thought was a disease I was suffering from. And I thought into myself that perhaps now that I knew what it was, I could “cure” myself. And then few years down the road I read this statement out loud and I realize how wrong it was.

Being an empath is not a disease nor is it a curse. Sure it sucks to feel things ten folds. It sucks to feel pain with your entire being when other people just feel it with just one infinitesimal part of themselves. Sure it sucks to be constantly overthinking things, to be drunk in emotions to the point where the only thing that you feel can help you is cry yourself to sleep, drink to oblivion or eat your feelings away. It does surely suck to fight depression every single day and navigate the highs and lows of feeling so much and not being able to get out of your head. It sucks some days. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. I have heard it all: “You should try to feel less”, “you should get thicker skin” and the occasional bully that would make fun of you when their words cut your soul so deep that your tears just start flowing.

I have had it all but in the midst of all this, in the midst of constantly asking why, I realized that God made me this way for a reason. He made me this way because it was the way He thought was the best for me to fulfill my purpose on this earth. As a woman, feeling so deep is a gift and my heart is my power: these are the bridges that connect me to the people I meet, I talk to and interact with. God gave me this big heart and ability to feel so deeply because that was the only way, as part of my vocation as a minister, I could touch souls. He designed this way because that is the only way I could be true and relatable as a blogger so that people could know that they are not the only ones going through peaks and valleys. I understood that there was nothing wrong with me except the perception the world had of me: that I felt “too much”. And you know what? it's okay. it is okay because I will always be "too much" to the wrong people but to the right ones I’ll just be me; to God I’ll always be His greatest miracle. And because this is the truth of who I truly am, I refuse to let this world change me or corrupt the gift I was given. I will love and feel fiercely because it is who I was created to be.

So to all my fellow empaths out there, don't run from your gift: embrace it. Put a little color in this world and let your love heal those who say we are "too much" because they need it the most. And when it gets hard to keep moving because this society is trying to dim our light or make us feel bad about how we are remember: you are God's greatest miracle, created with a purpose that can only be manifested when you fully embrace the truth of who you are. And don't worry if people don't understand your heart or how deep your feelings run because one day, the world will thank us for being there and for being true to ourselves. Life might get tough at time, but you darling are tougher.

Signed:  a fellow empath, fearfully and wonderfully made by the most amazing God

A Special Thank You ❤

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Another week, another post: welcome back to the blog. For the 100th article of the blog I wanted to post something a bit special and what is more specials than to pay tribute to the first men of our lives: our Fathers/ dads. Being a parent is in no way easier than what it was years ago and I would even go as far as to say  that it is becoming more difficult because kids are being brought into this world by grown boys who have no idea on how to care and educate them. Although for some of those who father those babies, they blatantly chose to be absent from the life of their child, there are others who quit because they haven't had a model in front of them. A model to teach them and show them how to be a father but more importantly how to be a dad. I made a distinction because being a father, I believe is more about doing what you think you are supposed to do while being a dad is way beyond all that. Being a dad is being there for your kids by providing to their each and every need and being invested in every aspect of their lives to a certain extend, whether they like it or not. And speaking from a child's perspective, I can say that sometimes we hate how our parents, even past a certain age, still tell us what to do. The thing is, as parents, they have a duty to protect us, to shield us from the things that could hurt us and take us off track from the prizes we have set our eyes on but also from the things they hope and want us to be.

When I was much younger, I didn't understand it: why I had to do things a certain way, why there were some things I was not allowed to do especially growing up in a Christian family. But now that I am much older, that I have made couple of mistakes I have learned from I understand better. I understand that they simply wanted to protect me, to show me the right way to do things so that by the time I would be away from them going to college  and living on my own, I would have a blueprint of how to live and be in such a way that I honor them and I honor God. I understand that they too, have made some mistakes and they had their share of bad decisions when they were young, and knowing where it led them, they had to force some choices on me out of love and because they wanted the best for me and I am grateful for that. I am grateful for both my mom and my dad for making the best out of me because even though I wasn't the worst, I certainly wasn't the best/ easiest to raise. I am grateful for my dad for showing me how I should be treated when to time to be courted should come. I am grateful for the knowledge and values he instilled in me. And even though I sometimes come off to men as being too independent and sufficient, I am grateful that my dad raised me to hustle and get my own so that if I ever have to depend on a man, it is because I allow him to do so and not because I need him to or have no other choice but to depend (financially) on him. I hope one day that I can be half as good at raising my kids as my parents have been with me and that I can give back and invest into my kids' life the way my parents have invested in me out to duty but mst importantly out of love.
 

I want to finish this tribute to the first men of our lives by celebrating also all the single mothers out there who are only celebrated on mothers day but should also I(n my opinion) be celebrated on fathers day. They should because many of them are BOTH mom and dad to their kids: keeping it together for them, providing, hustling so that their kids can have everything they need but also providing them with the emotional support/ the love they need to be better individuals. I have a soft spot for single mothers because at some point, my father was in the hospital for months and then on a long term disability for quite a while, thus unable to work. During all that time- although she wasn't single- my mother was running the house, working, taking care of us and my father and still bringing food on the table. She kept things together the way my dad would have done it and she occasionally let us catch her holy hands when we wouldn't behave 😩😂 because that's what being a parent is about too: disciplining the kids out of love! It is tough love but still love and to be honest I turned out quite well 😌

Being a parent is a full time job, being a single mother is one step above dedication and I command all of the single moms all over the world being superheroes for their kids: you are the real MVPs.
Happy father's day to all the dads, the fathers, to all the men of my life and to all the single
Mothers calling the shots everyday and being everything to their kids and raising our future daughters' kings.

 Much love and until next time,
XO

Thoughts In Motion: Open Letter From A Guarded Heart

“The problem with letting people tear your walls down, is that you never know who wants to take down those walls just for the fun of it. For amusement purposes. Just to say that he knew that he could. At the end of the day... the things you build should stay built. And you are no scapegoat for the sins of other people, in anyone's life. How dare anyone take down your walls not in order to see you; but only in order to feed their ego. In order to make you pay for sins not done by your own hands.” ― C. JoyBell

There are many reasons why someone may be shy; many reasons why some people like me keep things that hits home to them close to their hearts. Unable to share what lies underneath their smiles, silences and tears. Some people are just genuinely shy: unable to share because they don't know how. Unable to open because inviting people into their world makes them uncomfortable. Not that they don't want to. They just can't; they can't because it is part of their essence.

Then there other people who are shy and closed because it is who they have grown to be. It is what got them through what they have been through. They are guarded because they have learned. They have learned that some people are not worth being invited into their life. They have learned through betrayals of trust and broken promises that sometimes you have to meet people where they are and you have to leave them where they are. They have learned that sometimes trying to let people in and creating a space for them to feel at home with you is a perfect recipe for chaos. So they have closed the doors and they have learned to live their life behind the scene. They have learn to bear their own pains, mend their own heart. they have learned to be silent go through life motions. They have learned to smile when they feel like crying. They have learned to say "I am good" even when their world is falling apart. All because they understood that sometimes people come in with good intentions and sometimes they come in to tear you appart, kill your dreams and your hopes. Sometimes they come in to watch you die just as if they were assisting to the premiere of a drama movie.

But then there are people like me who just have made a shitload of mistakes, unfortunate choices and had their share of bad decisions. Those are the people that just won't share anything because of people judgements; because no matter what we say or do there will always be someone waiting to pick on us without knowing our whole story. And more often then not, you will encounter people like us. The people not sharing the story of our life  at every occasion that we get because the last thing we want is to be judged or labeled something/ someone we are not.

So we will not share. We will not share until you ask "What is your story" because that is where everything started and if you know where it all started then maybe you will understand the full scope of where we come from and why we made the choices we did. But unless you do, we will just keep on living behind the scene because that's who we have grown to be.

We are who we are, do what we do and say what we say for a reason. And no matter what the reason is unless you know the whole story the reason will never matter to you and you will never understand. So next time you are tempted to judge a guarded heart, start with "What is your story?" because there lie the answers to the questions your judgements will never give you.