A Special Thank You ❤

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Another week, another post: welcome back to the blog. For the 100th article of the blog I wanted to post something a bit special and what is more specials than to pay tribute to the first men of our lives: our Fathers/ dads. Being a parent is in no way easier than what it was years ago and I would even go as far as to say  that it is becoming more difficult because kids are being brought into this world by grown boys who have no idea on how to care and educate them. Although for some of those who father those babies, they blatantly chose to be absent from the life of their child, there are others who quit because they haven't had a model in front of them. A model to teach them and show them how to be a father but more importantly how to be a dad. I made a distinction because being a father, I believe is more about doing what you think you are supposed to do while being a dad is way beyond all that. Being a dad is being there for your kids by providing to their each and every need and being invested in every aspect of their lives to a certain extend, whether they like it or not. And speaking from a child's perspective, I can say that sometimes we hate how our parents, even past a certain age, still tell us what to do. The thing is, as parents, they have a duty to protect us, to shield us from the things that could hurt us and take us off track from the prizes we have set our eyes on but also from the things they hope and want us to be.

When I was much younger, I didn't understand it: why I had to do things a certain way, why there were some things I was not allowed to do especially growing up in a Christian family. But now that I am much older, that I have made couple of mistakes I have learned from I understand better. I understand that they simply wanted to protect me, to show me the right way to do things so that by the time I would be away from them going to college  and living on my own, I would have a blueprint of how to live and be in such a way that I honor them and I honor God. I understand that they too, have made some mistakes and they had their share of bad decisions when they were young, and knowing where it led them, they had to force some choices on me out of love and because they wanted the best for me and I am grateful for that. I am grateful for both my mom and my dad for making the best out of me because even though I wasn't the worst, I certainly wasn't the best/ easiest to raise. I am grateful for my dad for showing me how I should be treated when to time to be courted should come. I am grateful for the knowledge and values he instilled in me. And even though I sometimes come off to men as being too independent and sufficient, I am grateful that my dad raised me to hustle and get my own so that if I ever have to depend on a man, it is because I allow him to do so and not because I need him to or have no other choice but to depend (financially) on him. I hope one day that I can be half as good at raising my kids as my parents have been with me and that I can give back and invest into my kids' life the way my parents have invested in me out to duty but mst importantly out of love.
 

I want to finish this tribute to the first men of our lives by celebrating also all the single mothers out there who are only celebrated on mothers day but should also I(n my opinion) be celebrated on fathers day. They should because many of them are BOTH mom and dad to their kids: keeping it together for them, providing, hustling so that their kids can have everything they need but also providing them with the emotional support/ the love they need to be better individuals. I have a soft spot for single mothers because at some point, my father was in the hospital for months and then on a long term disability for quite a while, thus unable to work. During all that time- although she wasn't single- my mother was running the house, working, taking care of us and my father and still bringing food on the table. She kept things together the way my dad would have done it and she occasionally let us catch her holy hands when we wouldn't behave 😩😂 because that's what being a parent is about too: disciplining the kids out of love! It is tough love but still love and to be honest I turned out quite well 😌

Being a parent is a full time job, being a single mother is one step above dedication and I command all of the single moms all over the world being superheroes for their kids: you are the real MVPs.
Happy father's day to all the dads, the fathers, to all the men of my life and to all the single
Mothers calling the shots everyday and being everything to their kids and raising our future daughters' kings.

 Much love and until next time,
XO

Thoughts In Motion: Open Letter From A Guarded Heart

“The problem with letting people tear your walls down, is that you never know who wants to take down those walls just for the fun of it. For amusement purposes. Just to say that he knew that he could. At the end of the day... the things you build should stay built. And you are no scapegoat for the sins of other people, in anyone's life. How dare anyone take down your walls not in order to see you; but only in order to feed their ego. In order to make you pay for sins not done by your own hands.” ― C. JoyBell

There are many reasons why someone may be shy; many reasons why some people like me keep things that hits home to them close to their hearts. Unable to share what lies underneath their smiles, silences and tears. Some people are just genuinely shy: unable to share because they don't know how. Unable to open because inviting people into their world makes them uncomfortable. Not that they don't want to. They just can't; they can't because it is part of their essence.

Then there other people who are shy and closed because it is who they have grown to be. It is what got them through what they have been through. They are guarded because they have learned. They have learned that some people are not worth being invited into their life. They have learned through betrayals of trust and broken promises that sometimes you have to meet people where they are and you have to leave them where they are. They have learned that sometimes trying to let people in and creating a space for them to feel at home with you is a perfect recipe for chaos. So they have closed the doors and they have learned to live their life behind the scene. They have learn to bear their own pains, mend their own heart. they have learned to be silent go through life motions. They have learned to smile when they feel like crying. They have learned to say "I am good" even when their world is falling apart. All because they understood that sometimes people come in with good intentions and sometimes they come in to tear you appart, kill your dreams and your hopes. Sometimes they come in to watch you die just as if they were assisting to the premiere of a drama movie.

But then there are people like me who just have made a shitload of mistakes, unfortunate choices and had their share of bad decisions. Those are the people that just won't share anything because of people judgements; because no matter what we say or do there will always be someone waiting to pick on us without knowing our whole story. And more often then not, you will encounter people like us. The people not sharing the story of our life  at every occasion that we get because the last thing we want is to be judged or labeled something/ someone we are not.

So we will not share. We will not share until you ask "What is your story" because that is where everything started and if you know where it all started then maybe you will understand the full scope of where we come from and why we made the choices we did. But unless you do, we will just keep on living behind the scene because that's who we have grown to be.

We are who we are, do what we do and say what we say for a reason. And no matter what the reason is unless you know the whole story the reason will never matter to you and you will never understand. So next time you are tempted to judge a guarded heart, start with "What is your story?" because there lie the answers to the questions your judgements will never give you.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall : Makeup Guide For The Lazy Girl

Well hi there! Welcome to the first article of the "Mirror Mirror On the Wall" mini-series which will be a combination of makeup and skin care products that hopefully will help you step up your Best Face Forward game. Today we are talking makeup routine for my own pleasure and for the pleasure of those of you who like makeup as much as I do. For the people who know me very well, they can tell you a lot of things about me. Two of them are a) I love makeup and b) I am not a fan of wearing it every day. I love makeup. I buy it. I spend a ridiculous amount of money on it. But wearing it is another story. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I'd rather sleep 30 extra minutes in the morning.

But with the years passing and especially because sometimes my bare skin just won't cooperate, I got to a point where I had to come up with an alternative. I had to find a compromise between looking decent and still be able to get an extra shut eye time in the morning. So I tried different routines and was able it narrow down to the products that make decent and alive in a minimal amount of time. So without further due let's get started!

1- Moisturize

Neutrogena Hydro Boost Gel-Cream Extra-Dry Skin, 1.7 OZ, CVS $19.99

Depending on the season of the year, I switch up moisturizer to adapt to the needs of my skin and feel comfortable. As the temperatures are warming up (a little bit), I have already switched up my winter facial moisturizer for the Neutrogena Hydro-boost gel cream. One thing worth mentioning is that no matter what month of the year it is, there is one thing about  my skin that is constant: it's dryness. Ashy skin is not a seasonal thing for me: it's an everyday thing, always trendy *sigh* The Neutrogena Hydro-boost gel cream moisturizes my skin leaving it plumped, smooth -without the greasiness or making me look like a disco ball- and ready for my the next step.

2- Brighten up

MAC Prep and Prime Natural Radiance, MAC Cosmetics $42

Dull skin is one thing I have been fighting my entire life and even though my skincare routine has dramatically improved the way my skin looks, I still find a little boost helpful. During those days I reach out to my MAC Prep and Prime Natural Radiance. It is a silky gel that acts as a primer + moisturizer to improve foundation or powder application, control oil and promote a smooth texture. It contains illuminating pearl powders to reflect optic radiance resulting in a beautiful glow. It's double duty property makes it ideal for when you are in a rush (cut the moisturizer out of your routine) but personally my skin is thirsty that those guys sliding in your IG DM after 11PM 🙄 So skipping my moisturizer is not an option: Gotta have it

3- Shape Them Brows

Covergirl Easy Breezy Brow Shape & Define Eyebrow Mascara, CVS $9.99

After moisturizing and priming, I do my eyebrows to allow my skin to absorb the products I just applied. The next best thing after the brow pomade is Covergirl Easy Breezy Brow Shape & Define Eyebrow Mascara. It is a mascara for your eyebrows... I know... It is tricky at first but let me tell you the application is neat. the Moussey formula fix your brow in place the entire day!!! and the curved brush applicator allows for a for precise application: no mess, no smearing or smudging. Talk about saving time! Cut my eyebrow routine time in half and it's ideal when you're on a budget. You're welcome.

4- Open up the eyes

Bareminerals® Well-Rested® Face & Eye Brightener, Sephora $23

I have hyperpigmentation (birth mark) around my eyes and some days it can make me look like one of the cast from the walking dead. So to counteract that, I use Bare Minerals Well Rested eye and face brightener. This pen highlighter has a sheer mineral formula that infuses radiance, highlights and illuminates dull skin. The mineral contains in this formula supposedly help even skin tone while improving skin radiance and visibly minimizing dark spots, wrinkles, lines, and discolorations over time. One twist at the base of the pen provides enough product to work into the inner corner of the eyes for a full wide away look.

5- BFF a.k.a Best Face Forward

Once I am done with brightening up my eyes, I do a little bit of color correction (because hyperpigmentation)

Make Up Forever Step 1 Skin Equalizer Primer- Radiant Primer, Sephora $37

Then I apply my foundation.

1. L'Oreal Infallible Total Cover Foundation in shade Cocoa, CVS $12.99

2. MAC Pro Longwear Concealer in shade NW45, MAC Cosmetics $22

Lately I have been using L'Oréal Paris Infaillible Total Cover Foundation. It is my go to foundation because on my beat face days, I can use it as it is (full coverage) or sheer it when I feel lazy or I'm going for a casual look. It stays put much longer than most of the foundations I have used ( And I've used quite a lot) and it looks pretty good all day.

*Bonus: I use MAC Prolongwear Concealer to get rid of under eye bags (when needed) and clean my eyebrows (pretty much everyday).

6- Wrap it up

1. Maybelline Eye Studio Master Precise Liquid Eyeliner, Black, CVS $9.99

2. Eyeko Eye Do Mascara Lengthen & Strengthen, Ulta $26

3. Black Opal Deluxe Finishing Powder in shade Deep, Amazon $15.98

The last steps of my routine are applying my eyeliner and/or putting on mascara (it really depends on how much time I have and what my gut feeling is telling me about how successful my attempt at winging the liner is going to be). For my everyday, lazy/ out of the door makeup face I use Maybelline Eye Studio Master Precise Liquid Eyeliner and for my mascara I use Eyeko Eye Do. I used to have mixed feelings about  this mascara but I have come to like it after a little while. It does lengthen you eyelashes as mentioned but if like me, you have as many lashed a there are leaves on a tree after a snow storm, you might want to stay clear or double it with a volumizing mascara (article coming up soon...) or play a little bit with it and find a technique that work for you.

Once my eyes are done, I set up my T-zone with my Black Opal Deluxe finishing powder and I'm out!

Depending on how used you are to wearing makeup it should take you anywhere between 15 to 20 minutes to be out of the door (it might take longer if you haven't had your coffee before doing that... Just saying)

I hope you found this article useful and that you look great but I need to go now... No, seriously otherwise I'm going to be late.

Catch you later!

💋

Faith Is The Answer

From all the things I’ve ever done since I’ve been on this earth, walking the walk of faith has probably been one of the most difficult one. The thing is when you give your life to Jesus nobody tells you what awaits for you and as a matter of fact nobody knows what awaits. The way we sometimes picture things is that we might have some minor road bumps and once we’re clear from it we can get moving. But as I was (as usual) thinking of one of the implications of faith one verse that popped up in my mind was Matthew 17: 21 where Jesus said to the disciples : “For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” It made me realize that there is a point in our christian walk where we will have mountains. And the Bible doesn't talk about going around it but rather points at faith as a key to remove those mountains from our path and keep moving

And again thinking of this passage of the Bible from an intellectual point of view doesn’t make much sense because some situations in life can come across as humanely IMPOSSIBLE to manage. I bet you have been through couple of those where you just stare at the sky, then at your feet and think into yourself "Lord if it ain't you, I don't know who else can fix this".  yeah... I feel you... So thinking about this made me even more curious and I wanted to understand what the mystery of walking by faith and being able to move mountains laid upon. And so another passage of the scripture that came up to me was Zechariah 4:6 -7 

“ Then he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the LORD of hosts.  What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain”

 I then understood that whether it was a mountain becoming a plain or a mountain being moved, it all was possible through the spirit of the Lord that materializes the words that we speak out of faith. But sometimes it is hard. It is hard to speak from faith because it is hard to keep the faith. it is like putting a coin into a washing mashing and getting clean clothes: Your faith is the coin that allow the whole process to get started but the process itself is direct by God and executed by the Holy Spirit. 

But let's not fool anybody: sometimes it is hard to put some "coins" into the machine to jumpstart the process. It is hard because when the feelings are hit, we lose our power and losing power/ our sense of being in control is very uncomfortable. It is hard because sometimes we hope against all hope until the moment we find our back against the wall and we realize that there nothing we can do and we feel like having faith and praying isn’t worth it anymore. Especially when things in our lives go south. When I go through those tough moments, two things  keep me standing and fuel my faith:

a)      Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” 

And

b)      Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”

No matter what it is that we are walking through in life, we need to have that assurance that God plan for us is not to be unhappy or anxious or hopeless but rather the opposite. So it is crucial for us to hold on to the belief that everything in the end shall work out together according to his purpose for our lives. It might not work out the way we think it will, but it will workout according to God's plans for us and for our lives. And we might not necessarily understand the process and it might  even be stressful at times especially when we can’t seem to get a hold of what is happening. But we’ve got to trust the process and trust God and when things get too difficult for us to handle, we need to learn to surrender to him and cast all our anxiety on him because He cares for us (1 peter 5:7)

Until next time!

Somethings Need Silence To Heal: The Art Of The No Contact Rule And Why It Works

Let me start by saying that if you came here hoping that you will read something along the line of : “ the No Contact is the guaranteed way you will get your ex back” you got the wrong blog and the wrong article. I won’t sell you that BS here. Granted it works but my point here is not to tell you why it works to get your ex back. My point is to tell you why it works in helping you healing, get back on your feet and move on with your life.

We have all been there you know. Whether the break up just popped up like an unplanned pregnancy or after a big fight it crept in slowly into the relationship, breaking up sucks. And if somebody tells you otherwise or if you believe otherwise, then you or they weren’t really in love. A breakup is one of the suckiest moments an individual can go through in life, but one that can come with the most amazing and rewarding 360 in life that can leave you in awe of the new person you have become. And this happens only with two conditions reunited and necessary for to create the space needed to evolve: 1) you need to surrender to your feelings (at least for a period of time) and 2) you have to let go.

The first step is the most difficult one and the one most people tend to skip or forcefully fast forward. Wrong move. I have made it a point to not let anybody dictate to me the way I feel. And you shouldn’t either. You are entitled to feel any type of way after a relationship ends because it was a connexion. And in some cases not only are you losing a lover, you are also losing your best friend. And this will not got unnoticed for your heart or your soul. So you need to be honest with yourself and just surrender. You yourself are enough to heal your pain and nurture your soul in order for it to grow and transition from brokenness to wholeness. And the truth is you are. You are enough to nurture and heal your soul by acknowledging what it feels and being in touch with your emotions, by praying and by doing the work you need to get yourself out of the pit. Ignoring your emotions or the state in which you soul/heart are in after a breakup is the perfect recipe for disaster. We ruin our own lives and in the process of doing so we ruin other people lives. Instead of loving them with a fully healed and healthy heart/soul, we love them with the pieces we have left and when it’s not enough, we turn them into collateral damages that only express the degree to which we feel hurt, broken and incomplete. The first step to heal is to acknowledge the existence of the wound and address it.

The second step is to cut off the person cold turkey. The people who know me or have dated me can tell you that I am a proud supporter of the no contact rule. I don’t believe that you can be friend with an ex while trying to heal from a breakup. Honey bunches of nope. 🙅 Not happening. It’s counterproductive. You can’t be trying to heal from a wound and constantly poke at it or pick at it while it’s scabbing. It’s gonna take forever to heal. You need to let go of that person and register that what you had is gone. You need them and everything that reminds you of them to be out of sight so that they can be out of mind. If you have the same circle of friends, try to cut down on the social gathering for a bit. If you used to go to the same places, venture out of your comfort zone and explore new spots to go to in the city. Go radio silence on them. But let’s be clear: the goal is not for them to miss you (however this might be a side effect). The goal is for you to create space in your life to build something new, to build yourself and learn to live life without them. So you have to keep that in sight. It has worked for me in the past and I am always amazed at how much I change and grow after every breakup. The NC process and everything that comes after a relationship  ends has to be about you. Everything post breakup is about you. It’s is not being selfish. It is just the way things are post breakup. The minute the relationship ends things get shuffled and the only thing that matter the first second after the breakup is? You! Exactly! So don’t feel bad if they want to talk to you or reconnect and you don’t want to. It means you are not ready or you are simply in a better place in life and they are not invited to the party anymore. It is totally okay. But whether you decide to reconnect or part ways with them longer than the initial time you had set for the NC (or perhaps forever) remember you are doing it for you now, at your pace and with your rules.

I hope you got something good out of this and if you are out there navigating the shallow waters of the post-break up life, I want you to know that you are not alone and that things will get better. It might take a while but eventually they do.

As Iyanla always says “ stay in peace not in pieces” and even if you are in pieces right now, just know that they will come back together one day and make a masterpiece that will make you grow in the process and smile down the line.

Until then,
xo