A little while ago, I took a tumble in church. Right after service as I was heading downstairs to fellowship. And when I say a tumble, I am not talking about a cute fell-on-my-butt-slid-down-the-stairs type of moment: It was a full fumble as in rolled like a ball down the stairs. Thankfully I was not injured and there were people that made sure I was okay & did not hurt myself at the bottom of the stairs. Passed the chaos, Shock , fear , surprise & adrenaline rush, I laid on the floor for a while. I was not injured, just comfortable. People tended to me, checked that I was Indeed not hurt. Got me food, water, asked me if I was okay, we cracked a few jokes then I made my way home.
As I got home & sat in my car for a while, I felt the embarrassment rise. But instead of pushing it down, I got curious about it. Probably for the first time in my life. So I took it to God and asked Him why I felt that way. And I want to share w/ you what He said and some of the lessons I took away from it. when I asked God why I felt embarrassed His response was" because you are more worried about how people see & perceive you than /now you truly are". Talk about an accurate read from the Holy Spirit. And it was absolutely true. People were worried about my wellbeing after seeing how serious that fall was, and there I was ,worried about what people thought of me / how their perception of me would be altered after that. The Lord then led me to understand that had that fall been as serious as it could have been, being embarrassed would have been the very least of my worries. And here are the lessons that God wanted me to take away from that teachable moment:
1- You are focused on the wrong things.
When we focus too much on how people will see us / what they will think of us, we are not in a space where we can fully embrace what God wants to do in our lives. Not only that, We do not allow ourselves to show up authentically so God can use us at the measure at which He desires to do so. The Bible says in 1 Sam 16: 7:" For man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." the worry of the appearance is an issue of Pride more than anything else. God wanted me to realize that at the core of my P. R campaign there was only one thing and it wasn't him. And that needed to be fixed.
2- Don't get too comfortable in your fallen state.
To fall is not the issue, to remain in that state is the problem. When I was laying on the floor after that fall, people started to worry about me being injured and unable to get up. I told them that I wasn’t injured: just comfortable; and that's why I was still on the floor. And to be comfortable in that state for too long is a dangerous place to be in (spiritually, mentally and emotionally). No one is immune to falling, but after we have fallen, our goal should be to work on getting back up and continue to walk instead of throwing in the towel and saying "what is the point of this any way?!". And it might take time for you to get back up again and you know what? It's okay. And you might need some help to get back on your feet. And guess what? yup! that is also okay because God never created Man to do life alone. Which leads to the final lesson.
3- Allow others to help you
Life has forced me into a state of hyperindependence. It took a while for me to come to terms w/ the fact that it was a trauma response rooted is disappointment, hurt, betrayal and a symptom of my lack of trust in other people and also God. Because if there is one thing I believe in, it's that wise word from Ms Iyanla Vanzant that says "If you do it somewhere, you do it everywhere". And surely enough God was not an exception to the practice of my hyper independence: I am still learning everyday to ask God & people for help and to actually allow them to help me. And let me be the first one to tell you that getting the help you need and ask for is life changing. And wouldn't want to go back to my old ways even if I could. Is it hard? Yes. But is it worth it? Absolutely!
Life is not perfect, neither are we. There will be moments in life like the one I described in this post that highlights the things that God wants us to lay down, the things He wants to work out of us so that we can be who He as called us to be. Fully & authentically with nothing holding us back. So I pray that when you find yourself in these moments, that instead of pulling away, you will lean in & make space for God to move & make you new because on the other side of your yes to that invitation to lean in, there is more thriving & less striving. There is greater & there is better.
Until next time,
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