I was scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed a while ago and I
stumbled upon the status update of a girl that I somewhat know where she
complained about the fact that beside a few people that she knows, everybody
else from our home country Cote d'Ivoire is only vlogging about men-women
relationship. And the funniest thing is that, just like her, I’m wondering what is it about
that obsession with relationship everybody seems to be developing right now?? And believe me when I say I’m not trying to be a jerk right here but I’m just like… am
I missing something? Before you start throwing sticks and stones at me let me
make a disclaimer: I am talking from my personal opinion and personal
experience and you are free to agree or disagree with what I am about to say. So
hold off your guns and read first. Then maybe after that we can start throwing sinks at each
other.
The reason why so many people are bitter, sad, angry and get
stuck on past relationships is in my opinion because they haven’t come yet to
the realization that a relationship is a part of a life and not an entire life.
People have gotten into the habit of being depend on relationships for their
own happiness. They have grown into the habit of measuring their self-worth and
self-esteem to the ability they have to be in a relationship with somebody.
They live in a bubble where their significant other along with their
relationship is their all. And then when everything fall apart they have
nothing to fall back on because the relationship was a win or lose bet in which
they dived head first. We have all been there at some point and for most of us
our heart, self worth, self esteem has taken a HUGE toll because we were left
with nothing that made us fell worthy when it all ended.
Speaking from my personal experience, I have come to understand from the long period of time I spent being single that there is a life to be lived and that life is an ensemble of multiple things, each taking a big or small place of our lives. I have grown to understand that there is a difference between having an aversion for commitment and a fear of confinement. The reason why I find it so difficult and complicated now to be in a relationship is that I have found myself confronted to confinement. I have dreams, ambitions, hopes and I cannot settle in with somebody who cannot understand that and support me. Why? Because I am not ready to give up on all that and lock myself up into something that might fall apart one day. It’s not being selfish… It’s understanding that I still have a long road ahead and the journey is far from being over, and as much as I would love to have company during my journey, I’m not ready to bailout on what I hold close to my heart. I do believe that everything in life is a matter of balance (which I am obviously not very good at the moment but I’m working on it) : people need to understand that they are sharing their life with someone, not making someone their life. It is important because in the event a relationship falls apart, you know that you still have something to fall back on and your life still has a meaning.
I have grown and learned a lot from being single. I have
learned to be happy and content with myself. I have come to the understanding
that my happiness, self-worth, well-being and self-esteem are not determined by
my ability to be in a relationship. They have nothing to do with whether or not
I am in a relationship. They are independent from each other. I get to
determine my self-worth and self-esteem value, I am in charge of creating my
own happiness. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying I’m against relationship
and that being single is the way to live life. I am just saying that there are
a few things being single can teach you about life and about the way you might
want to handle your next relationship. It is time to find your own
wings and fly. Stop depending on people to validate you; stop
relying on people’s compliments to feed your self-esteem because when those
compliments stop, your self-esteem will eventually die from starvation. Break
your dependence on relationships for happiness and learn to be happy on your
own because if you don't know how to be happy by yourself, you won't know how to be happy when you are taken. Yes it is hard at the beginning but you will find a way whether it's through traveling, working,
praying, making a change in your life, pursuing your dreams, ambitions or working on yourself; just do what
makes you happy without necessarily involving other people's validation. Find self-fulfillment, validation and accomplishment within yourself. Find your own wings and fly because after so many years of
being down and not being appreciated you owe it to yourself.
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