A Note On Grief

Hello and happy new year. I have been gone for a while and as timid as my re-entry on this platform is, I do home that the time that has passed since my last post on here and now has treated you well. If not, well just know that you are not alone. You are probably reading this and gone back to the title and wondered why is my first post of the year and my first post after being away for so long is one on grief. What an odd way to reenter the conversation. Well, maybe it is but maybe it isn't because grief is cuch an ever present thing in our life. An elephant in the room that people acknowledge (reluctantly) but dare not to speak about past the acknowledgement. I might not have lived long years on this earth but i know a thing or two about grief. Grief is what 2024 was made of for me. Not the entirety of 2024. But I dare say a big part of it. 

Grief is such a weird thing… Like a fog that wraps its arms around you. A heaviness that sits on your chest and on your eyes… The bags under them, puffy and so noticeable, being the sign of something that can never be explained or understood unless you have been through it, unless you have lived through it. It’s the scream that you can never let out. The one that you choke on through silent tears at night and sometimes during the day, when you need to keep moving through life but you have to keep excusing yourself to the bathroom so you can ride the wave of tears that hit you out of nowhere. Ride the waves not because you want to, as if not riding it was an option… But because you need to in order to keep your sanity. But also because those moments where you get to break and let it all out are the reason why you are still standing. A little over a year ago, I watched a movie called Love again and and it is about life after grief. From the time the clock stops when we start mourning to the moment life picks up it’s normal pace and we stop feeling stuck or moving forward in slow motion.

I remember once having a chat with one of my former bosses about grief and a post she saw on LinkedIn. The post was a picture of a ball in a jar. At first the ball took the majority of the space in the jar, but then it seemed as if it was shrinking. But then there were a few words about how grief doesn’t shrink but how our lives (the jar) keep getting bigger in comparison to the grief (the ball). The jar gets bigger through the new connections we make, the memories, the new experiences as we live life on the other side of grief. They don’t make grief any less significant or any less painful and if you have once thought about someone that passed a long time ago and still got teary eyed, you know about this. They just give us something to hold onto. Something to give us traction in life. Something to anchor ourselves to so that when the waves hit out of nowhere, our ship can still remain on the sea of life and not drift away when the pain, sadness and sorrows of the present moment make us lose sight of tomorrow. There is something about loss and grief, whether it's people, dreams and/or missed opportunities in life, that remind us of how small and frail we are in the scheme or things. But in these moments of grief, heartbreak and deep loss, I was also reminded as a believer of how big and strong my God is. I was reminded that a God that can hold the hold universe in his hands, can and will carry me in his hands too. A God so strong can carry me but He can also carry a pain that threatens to crush me minute by minute effortlessly. And it is because He is that strong that Peter invites us to cast all of our cares on him because He cares for us (1 Pe 5:7)

Time waits for no one but there is no time limit on grief. You can’t outrun it, you cannot fake strength through it. All you can do is go through it, one day at a time, sometimes standing and sometimes kneeling, until the needles of your clock start moving again and you can start walking towards the rest of your life, on the other side. All you can do is give it to God, moment by moment and ride the wave knowing that you are never alone and never will be alone in the boat for God is an ever present help in times of trouble (Ps 46:1) and a God who has made a promise to never leave our side (Mat 28:20)

This might be a bit of a glooming and heavy way to open this year on here but I wanted to encourage someone today. You are not alone and thought grief never really completely goes away, life does get better. The boulder that grief represents doesn't get lighter, just easier to move as time goes by. If you have lost someone close to your heart, or even a dream or something that had so much weight in your life, so much so that the loss and the grief knocked the wind out of you, know that you are seen. Know that you are not alone. I hope and pray things turn up for your and that life gifts you with a jar that widens to make room not only for your grief but also for all the other beautiful things that await for you on the other side of it. Because the truth is grief never leaves us: we just learn to live with it.

Sending you hope, prayers and good thoughts for your journey to the other side of grief.

With love and comfort,

Can You Be Thankful For The Rain?

I was listening to a recognition speech by Iyanla Vanzant and she opened her address by being grateful. As most of us would do, she presented the good things she was grateful for. But she also added to her list the things that most of us would have concealed or not brought up as there is probably nothing to be grateful about when it comes to them. At least that is my opinion. And her ability to speak on those things and say she is grateful for them prompted this article. And although the words that I am using is different, it is still about the posture of the heart and the ability to look beyond the negativity that could be associated with the things we go through in life. I have a habit of saying that the words that write minister to me first before they go out in this world and do what they do. And this article right here is no exception.

We all love the beautiful flowers we get in the spring, but not all of us appreciate the rain that allows them to grow and bloom and bring about the beautiful bouquets that we gift people just because or on special occasions. We love the beautiful gardens that we tend to and take so much pride in but we are not too keen on the weather inconveniences when the sky turns gray and it starts pouring. But the rain in life represents the things that sometimes wash away our hopes (or reveals it when all the impurities are gone), the rain represents things in our life that interrupt the “good flow” that we were experiencing. But it is also the water that refreshes, the water that brings life, the water that makes the soil soft enough so that whatever has been planted can breakthrough and come to the surface. More often than not we complain when the rain hits our life. We complain of the rainy reasons that we go through not understanding what lies on the other side of it. We complain about the rainy season because we look mostly at what we are loosing not realizing that yes, there might be loss, but there is also what is being flushed, carried away with the rain so that it will not poison the new that is about to come. God is the creator of all elements and all seasons; and everything He allows in our life has a purpose. It is sometimes painful and most of the time it doesn’t make sense, but one thing remains: there is goodness in ALL He does.

In my times of trouble, I always go back to the book of Job. Not because I want to be like him but because I am always intrigued by how he handled the greatest raining season of his life: trials and tribulations came down pouring. And when everyone around him, including his wife, advised against him sticking by God, he said: "We accept good things from God. So we should also accept trouble when he sends it" (Job 2:10). Job had it all and when the rain of trials and tribulations came and he lost everything, his posture remained the same. He blessed God because, even though he didn’t understand why he was going through all that he went through, he understood that there was purpose in it. He understood that we cannot just praise God and be okay when things are good: we also need to remain in same posture when the sun isn’t shinning anymore and it is pouring.

There is a song by Maverick city Music that I really like and it’s titled : Promises. It is one of the songs that I listen to most to because there is a part of the bridge that goes like this:

Yes, I'll still bless You

In the middle of the storm, in the middle of my trial

I'll still bless You

In the middle of the road, when I don't know where to go

I'll still bless You (yeah)

In the middle of my storm, in the middle of my trial

I'll still bless You (yeah)

When I'm in the middle of the road and I don't know which way to go

I'll still (I'll still bless You)

I'll still bless You

and then it goes on to say :

I'll still bless You, oh (I'll still bless You)

I've got a reason to bless You, yeah

I've got a reason to bless You (I'll still bless You)

I've got a reason to bless Your name

You've been faithful, You've been faithful (I'll still bless You)

You've been so good to me, You've been so good

I love this so much because it speaks of the places I have been in life and it speaks to the struggles I am still facing in my journey with Christ. It is not always sunshine sometimes it rains hard but God’s goodness doesn’t stop when it rains: just as his love is enduring, so is his goodness.

I want to leave you with this: do you remember what happened after is rained on the earth for 40 nights and 40 days? Well if you don’t let me remind you. it says in Gen 8:1-2 that “God remembered Noah and all the animals, wild and tame, that were with him in the ark. So God made a wind sweep over the earth, and the waters began to subside. The fountains of the abyss and the floodgates of the sky were closed, and the downpour from the sky was held back.” 

I want you to keep in your heart the words “God remembers”. When going through a rainy and trying season, it is VERY easy and also normal to wonder if God forgot about us. But I want you to hold onto these words as a reminder that God remembers… He always does. how do I know? He says so Himself in Isaiah 49:16.

'But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me,

the Lord has forgotten me.”

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast

and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Though she may forget,

I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are ever before me.”'

God has your name engraved in the palms of his hands. He has not forgotten you. Never has and never will. So I pray you will hold on a little longer because on the other side of the rain, there is sunshine, there is growth and there is restauration. If you ever find yourself out of words or prayers you can say to God as you go through the rain, maybe just say “thank you God for the rain. And thank you for what is coming after the rain is over”. God will see you through and when the time is right, He will turn things around for you. So be encouraged.

Until next time, 

Make Yourself Home But Don't Get Too Comfortable

I used to believe that the ultimate test of a human being’s character was taking everything away from them. Then I came to realized that just as scarcity reveals a person true colors, so does abundance. So over time, I found myself disagreeing more about the statement “things got better for them and they changed”. The truth is they never changed: who they really were got revealed.

Years ago, God took me on a journey. It was the rumbling: I was tested in the season of “not having” and through it all, I held on to the confession of my faith as best as I could. It is not to say that I was all perfect in my walk. Far from that. I stumbled. I wrestled with my faith. I had beef at times with God but I always went back to the one place that I knew for a fact was always safe for me: God’s presence. Just right there, at the foot of the cross. And I waited. I waited for prayers to be answered. I waited for the breakthrough. And it came. It took 13 years but it came. It felt like forever when I was in the midst of it and yet when the floodgates of heaven opened, the blessings came rushing all at once. Something only God knows how to do. It feels like only not too long ago I was saying “But God… When? What about me?” to now praising as God ushered me into the season I was praying relentlessly for.

And now, my prayer has changed. I am no longer worried about the lack. I am worried that being ushered in season of rest and refreshment will make me too comfortable and cause me to forget that there is still a road to travel. Not too long ago during a prayer night at my church, someone brought up the story of Elijah at the brook. And as I stood in my kitchen, thinking about these here words, it came back to my mind and my inner prayer was : “God don’t let me get so comfortable with where I’m at in life that I forget you still need me to go places because there is still a mission”. Bold and scary right? I know... But it was important for me to keep in mind that the purpose of a place of refreshment is to refresh yourself, to replenish, to revive. I looked it up and found a definition that I like better and that is more fitting for the theme of this article. It said to refresh is to restore strength. And it is exactly what God did for Elijah at the brook: He had water and the ravens brought him food (bread and meat) in the morning and at night. Homeboy had two free, square meals, free water, he had down time and nobody was bothering him. As an introvert this is a dream. But then, the brook dried up and God instructed Elijah go to Zarephath where He had instructed a widow to take care of him. Knowing myself and how I am, I know for a fact that the only reason I would move into the next season of my life is because God would have made the one that I am in unbearable. I have a hard time with transitions and change so it is not something that I would do willingly; and if I did, I would lose precious time overthinking the move even if the word came from God. Having been through that before (because it’s seems to be God’s Modus Operandi that works best on me) I started to pray that prayer. I started to pray for a spirit that is keen on obeying and moving when it’s time because comfort is attractive. And as attractive as it is, it is also one of the biggest reasons why most people, myself included, would settle for a fraction of what God has in store for us. It is never easy to leave comfort: think about how hard it is to leave your bed in the morning; not to mention a life fully sponsored by God (Elijah was living the life!). As much as I want to believe that Elijah would have obeyed God without batting an eye if He had said "move!", there is a lot less to think about when God tells you to move especially when: 1) moving when the situation you find yourself in is less than ideal; and 2) it is more beneficial for you to be on the move because God has already made arrangements for where He needs you next.

These past years, the idea that my life (and the goodness that is birthed from being pressed through trials) is not all about me is sinking in more and more. Just like the move wasn’t solely about Elijah, I am coming to the realization that I can be selfish if I want to but, because this mission that I am on is way bigger than me and what I want, God will find a way to keep me moving. Why? Because someone’s breakthrough and miracle is connected to me and a delay on my part can have a ripple effect. And as much as you can argue with God about picking someone else to fulfill the mission He put you onto, there are some missions that God cannot pick someone else for. How do I know? Look at the story of Moses when God picked him! He basically told God “with all due respect? pick someone else!” (in a very paraphrased, Black Living Translation version). And what did God do? He made him go still but was kind enough to give Moses a spokesman (Aaron). God has a sense of humor... Kinda... God insisted on Moses going because that mission could only be fulfilled by him. No one else. 

I want to close with this: the Bible says “weeping may endure for a night but Joy comes in the morning” (Ps 30:5). Nothing is permanent. And whatever you are going through, know that “this too shall pass”. However, I pray that when all the trials, tribulations and sorrows pass, two things remain in you:  the love of God and the awareness that you are still on a mission. And the mission only ends when we take our last breath and transition into the Glory to be with God. And you may ask “what is my mission?” Well the common mission as Christians is to further the Kingdom of God on this earth but the one that God has personally assigned to you is one that you will have to go to God about and find out for yourself. And my prayer is that you do find out what it is and that you run that race to the end well. My prayer is that you run it so well that when you meet your creator, the words that He welcomes you with are :“Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord” (Matt 25:23).

Until then, “...May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” (1 Pe 5:10-11)

The Brady Effect: Yes, You Can Come Back From That

Years ago I had freshly entered a relationship with someone I had strong feelings for and felt strongly about. I had known him for a couple of years and my family knew him too before we got together. And at that time, I remember having a conversation with a very good friend of mine and telling her I hope that relationship works because I didn’t think I would recover if things didn’t work. And her immediate response was “don’t say that. You can always recover and bounce back from anything. You think you cannot but when you are confronted with life and your only choice is to keep moving you will find the strength. Don’t let your life or story end because someone decides to go.” And as life would have it, things didn’t work. And I was devastated. But what I realized later, through the tears, was that my friend was right. I bounced back. From that heartbreak and from the ones that ensued. One after the other.

My inspirations usually come from videos. And the one for this article is no different. I watched a man speak about losing his wife 41 days after their marriage. I watched him speak about how he had to pull the plug on his wife and watch her take her last breath. I also watched him talk about the Brady effect: about how as long as you still have time on your clock you can make a comeback at ANY time. The journey of resiliency is tiring. And over the years, I became increasingly scared of sitting with my feelings or confronting situations head on because I thought if I got under, I don’t know that I will be able to come out the other side. But time and time again, life and God proved me that there was no other possibility than to come out the other side. Sure some days and times, it took more from me to come out the other side. Some days I had to fight harder and kick harder but in the end I always made it. I always made a comeback.

It reminded me that I am wired for it. It reminded me that everytime I think I do not have it in me anymore to fight or to move, I still have a little bit left to give the final big push that will get my head out of the water so that I can take another big, deep breath to keep swimming until I can safely get to the shore. The Brady effect… Such a powerful imagery of how anything is possible even until the very last minute. Such a powerful analogy of how at any given moment you can tilt the scale to the other side and come back on top of things again. Such a powerful analogy to say the simple thing: while the clock is running keep running for “this too shall pass”. The pain will pass. The tears will pass. The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness will pass. The night will pass…

Joseph went from being in a prison to being elevated to one of the highest ranks in egypt. Psalms 30:5 says “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning”. He understood that. Now the Bible doesn’t say much about Joseph mental or emotional state while waiting for the tides to turn for him; but I can only imagine that there might have been days where he wanted to give up and I wouldn’t blame him. But he sat tight, and kept going knowing that in the end, what God had revealed, somehow would come to pass. It took years before the tide finally turned but it did. And it did because he didn’t give up.

My hope for you as I write this article is that you don’t give up. I do not know why my theme lately revolves around encouraging you to hold on. Perhaps it is an encouragement to my own soul, I do not know… My prayer however is that it also encourages someone. It is not late. You are not late. It is not over for you. You still have time on your clock and you can still make a comeback if you would just hold on and keep going. I am rooting for you. You got this.

Skin In The Game

I stumbled upon a video on Instagram not too long ago by a young woman and she said something that hit home for me, something that tugged at the strings of my heart and made me want to write this article here.

She said "when do I get the chance to just be genuinely happy and not hurting all the time? When do I get the change to have things go right for me? I’m doing everything right! What is the point? What is the point of even trying anymore? It doesn’t F*ing work! What’s the point? When do I get to be happy?"

It hit home to be because I remember being there. I remember that, even though I was happy for people in my life walking into their seasons of blessings before me, I kept feeling that sting and asking God what about me? I remember what felt like to me doing the right things, and saying the right things in hopes that God will “reward me” but He didn’t. I still was in the waiting room. And soon, I looked around and I was the only one in the waiting room. At least that’s what it felt like to me. And then recently, I saw another video that put things into perspective for me. Still on Instagram and way before I saw the video that prompted this article, I saw a young woman that spoke about how she did the right things thinking it would yield the results she wanted. And she expanded more about her frustration and going to God about it and how God opened her eyes on what she was doing. God called her out on how she was trying to manipulate Him and how, if things had gone the way she wanted based on her own efforts, she would have made a “recipe for success” instead of crediting her breakthrough/ blessings on God.

So many times I listened to people’s recipes for success and tried to apply them to my life, only to be unsuccessful and disappointed. I also manipulated God not because I genuinely wanted to, but because I grew up on a version of love that was transactional. If I gave people what they wanted/ expected from me, then I got love in return or I got what it was that I wanted. I learned to perform to "earn" love or to earn the things that I wanted in life. So it only felt natural to operate with God the way I had always operated growing up. But God had to undo that. There was a work that God had to do in me to make me understand that me walking into the blessings he had for me was not contingent on things that I was or was not doing. He had to make me realize just like that young woman that there is no recipe for success outside of him: He was the recipe for success. He was the sauce, drip, the whole meal and everything in between. 

What I have also learned is that there is a moment where you have to trust and lean fully into God and into doing the work with no strings attached. You have to stop tripping on how long it is taking for the tide to turn around. And it is one of the hardest things to do because when you are in the midst of the healing storm where everything is turned upside down, you are holding on by a thread. You are holding your breath and hoping that every sunrise will bring the breakthrough only to discover with every sunset that it is yet another breakdown, upset and heartbreak. That is one of the most difficult spaces to be in. When I stopped keeping track of how long it had been since things had gone well for me, when started doing the work and started to show up not just for the end goal but for the process itself, things shifted. Not everything that I wanted came to pass. In fact, I'm still in the waiting room for some of the things that I am earnestly praying ang hoping for. But I have earned a patient confidence which is something that I definitely didn’t have before. I am now in place where I understand that me doing the right things doesn’t not guarantee that the "thing" (whatever that thing is) will happen, nor does it guarantee that it will happen when I want it to happen. And I am practicing being okay being in that space. There are still times where I want to give up, because like that lady said “what is the point?” but then I remember that what I am going through might not be just for me or about me: it might be the blueprint for someone’s life that I will cross path with, who will need my story to overcome the hardship in their lives. Maybe one day, my story and the story of how I endured and overcame will be the lifesaving best that will keep them afloat in the middle of the sea storm of their life. Everyday that I want to give up and throw the towel in, I remind myself that if I stop showing up, I might be the reason why someone’s destiny is never fulfilled and never lives up to the full potential God has set it to be at. It sounds silly but when you think about how many people where inspired to be on the path of greatness they are on today simply because someone’s way of living inspired them!? you realize that it really might be a possibility that someone’s breakthrough and destiny are dependent on whether or not you show up, whether or not you do the work until you get the breakthrough.

If you feel like giving up, I want to encourage you today. In the words of Nancy Vericker "don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle". It can happen any minute now but if you quit, you will not see it! All you need is to outlast your troubles by one day. Keep showing up and do the work. You've come too far to give up now. Stop tripping on how long it’s taking: just show up. Trust the process and in due time, the tide will turn. I hope when you want to give up, when you ask yourself “what’s the point anyway?” after doing the right things day after day and feeling like it's not worth it, you remember that whether you might be aware or not, someone is watching you. I hope you realize and remember that perhaps the reason why it is taking so long for you to get to the top, is because it's not just about you. You are carrying more than yourself. You are carrying more than just your hopes, dreams, aspirations and breakthrough: you are carrying the generations after you and those whose destinies are connected to you. You got skin in the game and you can't back out now. Not for you. Not for them because whether you believe it or not, YOU might be the reason why someone is still in the fight for their life. YOU might be the reason why someone is doing the right thing. YOU might be the reason why they get a breakthrough they never thought they could ever get in life. YOU might be someone’s reason why. So keep going. I'm rooting for you. You got this.

Until next time,