Vous etes votre propre hero

Inspiration et franc-parler sont de la partie en ce jour ... pour ceux qui me connaissent bien, ils sont habitués à ma façon de dire la vérité.  Je ne la saupoudre pas de sucre, je ne l’enrobe pas de caramel ni de ganache : je la dis telle qu’elle est.  Elle peut parfois piquer un peu et faire mal, mais à la fin de la journée, je préfère faire souffrir un cœur avec une vérité plutôt que de le briser avec un mensonge.  Et bien que la vérité puisse être laide, je préférais l’entendre plutôt que de courir après un mensonge qui ne fera qu'aggraver mon état et me laisser un goût amer dans la bouche.

Pourquoi rester avec quelqu'un qui ne vous mérite pas?  Qui n’apprécie pas tous les efforts que vous faites non plus?  Pourquoi rester avec un TDC dont le passe-temps préféré est de vous voir pleurer?  Pourquoi rester avec quelqu'un qui ne se sent puissant qu’en vous rabaissant et vous dépouillant de votre vraie valeur?

 L’Amour ne devrait pas faire mal.  L’Amour, le vrai ne devrait pas vous faire rester debout la nuit, à pleurer vous demandant quand viendra la fin;  quand est ce que le beau conte de fées s’achèvera.  L'amour ne doit pas vous faire vous sentir de cette façon. Il ne devrait pas vous faire pleurer chaque fois qu'il / elle dit Je te aime, raccroche le téléphone et va au lit avec celle avec qui il / elle est tout en professant son amour et sa loyauté envers vous.  Parce que peu importe à quel point il / elle vous aime, à la fin de la journée, elle / il est avec quelqu'un d'autre et vous êtes assis (e) dans l'obscurité à pleurer et vous demandant pourquoi vous poursuivez toujours un rêve auquel vous n’appartenez pas.  Et si vous ne trouvez aucune raison de rester c’est un signe que vous devez juste arrêter de poursuivre ce rêve parce que n’avoir aucune raison de rester est une raison de partir.

 Et que dirons-nous des personnes auxquelles nous tenons mais qui ne nous estiment pas au degré auquel nous les estimons ? Pire ! Celles qui pour qui nous n’avons tout simplement aucune valeur ?  La vie est trop courte pour vivre des relations et des amitiés à sens unique.  Il y a des chances que vous serez toujours là pour les gens qui vous entourent mais combien d'entre eux seront là pour vous?  Combien sont prêts à être là pour vous tenir  dans leurs bras et essuyez vos larmes dans vos moments les plus sombres?  Combien sont prêts à mettre leur vie en attente pour soutenir la vôtre quand tout semblera  s’écrouler?  Combien sont prêts à se porter garant pour vous de la façon dont vous l’avez fait pour eux dans les situations les plus étranges et merdiques dans lesquelles ils se sont retrouvés?

  Ne vous méprenez pas, je ne dis pas de ne pas être là pour les gens que vous aimez, je dis simplement d’être là pour les gens pour qui  vous comptez.  Comment les reconnaitrez-vous ? Le temps vous le dira, les situations de votre vie les révéleront.  Et quand cela arriva, vous devez avoir le courage de laisser tomber ce qui ne fera qu’entraver votre marche, de partir en fermant la porte derrière vous.  Lorsque cela se produira et certaines personnes voudront sortir de votre vie, n’essayer pas de vous accrocher à elles, de les retenir car si elles ne quittent pas votre vie vous n’arriverez jamais à votre destination.  Vous ne trouverez pas la paix et le bonheur vrai, vous ne réaliserez jamais vos rêves.  Votre vie ne progressera tout simplement pas.  S’ils partent ne pensez pas que c’est votre faute : ils n’étaient juste pas destinés à être là où vous vous dirigez.  Et vous devez le comprendre.

 Vous rencontrerez beaucoup de gens dans  votre parcours, mais très peu d'entre eux iront avec vous à l'endroit où vous êtes censés être.  Parfois pour bâtir quelque chose de solide, il faut raser tout et reposer de meilleures fondations. Vous devez comprendre et croire d’une façon ou d’une autre tout rentrera dans l’ordre.  Bien sûr, ça va faire mal de les voir partir.  Nous prétendons tous que ça ne fait pas mal, mais dans le secret de notre chambre, allongés sur notre lit dans l'obscurité, nous ressentons la douleur de cette séparation et elle est bien réelle.  Nous laissons couler ces larmes que nous cachons au monde entier, prétendant que la vie est parfaite, mais elle ne l’est pas.  Ça fait mal et c’est tout à fait normal;  «la douleur demande à être ressentie » et je le répète c’est tout à fait normal.  Bien sûr, vous aurez à prendre des décisions difficiles, à laisser partir certaines personnes, mais un jour vous vous remercierez d’avoir fait ces choix. 

Vous allez sans doute toucher le fond, tomber et nous l’avons sans doute tous fait une fois parce que nous nous sentons faibles sans les gens autour desquels nous avons construit notre vie. Ces personnes en qui nous avons investi autant de temps, d’espoir et de sentiments.  Mais d'une façon ou d’une autre vous trouverez la force de ramasser les morceaux et construire des escaliers avec les briques que ceux qui vous ont tourné le dos vous ont été jetés pour arriver au sommet, à l'endroit où vous êtes censés être.  Ça peut prendre du temps pour trouver le moyen d’y arriver.  Mais un jour, vous le ferez et ce sera le début d'un voyage étonnant qui vous rendra libre. 

Et vous vous rendrez compte que vous êtes assez fort pour vous éloigner de tout ce que ce qui vous effrayait, vous retenait. Vous vous rendrez compte que vous n’avez pas à mendier pour de l'amour, de l'amitié ou de l'attention: vous êtes digne de les recevoir et si les gens autour de vous sont trop aveugles pour le voir, vous devez vous retirer de cet environnement et réaliser que c’est leur perte et pas la vôtre.  Vous vous rendrez compte que vous n’avez besoin de personne pour vous sauver: vous êtes votre propre héros.  Vous avez toutes les armes dont vous avez besoin pour mener cette bataille.  Vous avez le pouvoir et la force à l'intérieur de vous.  Vous avez juste à la puiser en vous et vous battre pour ce en quoi vous croyez, pour ce dont vous valez la peine et croyez-moi, vous atteindrez votre but. 

 Ce ne sera pas facile, mais vous y arriverez.  Comment je peux en être sure ? Je le suis parce que j’ai été à cette place il y a quelques années: j’ai été l'une de ces personnes qui lisaient ces ecrits pour trouver la force de mener mes propres batailles et maintenant je suis une de ces survivants parlent de leur histoire pour inspirer les gens et les motiver a poursuive leur bonheur et leur liberté. Tout ce que vous avez à faire c’est croire que vous pouvez le faire et demander à Dieu de vous guider et décupler cette force en vous et vous y arriverez. Et un jour vous regarderez en arrière et vous verrez le chemin parcouru, vous parlerez aussi de votre histoire a des personnes qui se retrouveront dans la même situation que vous et vous deviendrez pour eux une source d’inspiration, un témoignage qu’ils peuvent eux aussi  mener ces batailles et les gagner tout comme vous l’aurez fait.



2015: My wishes for you

It’s funny how life can just turn things around in such a way that it can take you years or months for you to realize that whatever might have happened in your life in your past was in fact a good thing. I was watching a movie this week where one of the characters said something that rang in my mind. He said : “In youth we learn, in age we understand”. Being young we learn things whether we want it or not, the easy way and/or the hard way, but it is only with time, as we become older that we understand the why of all the things we did, of all the things that happened in our lives. It is only as we age that we understand the good behind some situations we thought were the worst we ever went through in our lives.

I have always believed in the idea that I was born to be awesome, not perfect. As an imperfect human being I have made quite a lot of mistakes. I have at some point in my life lacked common sense and made poor decisions based on my gut, on my emotions, on my feelings, on people emotions. I had to learn some stuff the hard and not always the most pleasant way. But it’s okay. Looking back at those mistakes I have made I thank myself for making them. I am glad I got to make them and learn something from them because it does not serve you to make mistakes over and over again if you are not learning from them. I am glad I made those mistakes because they made me who I am today. They made me stronger, wiser. They bruised me, broke me, and brought chaos into my life at some point put that’s okay. It gave me the opportunity to rebuild myself and my life the way I wanted it to be, the way GOD intended it to be.

 

I have seen more than once things fall apart in my life but as time passes I realize that it was more things falling into place and I am grateful for that. All those little pieces of lessons from my mistakes came together to build me, to build my life. I have come to understand that life does not always go the way we plan it but all you have to do is just laugh at the confusion now and chances are, one day it will all make sense. Don’t worry if you might have made the suckiest decisions ever in the history of humanity because at some point it was exactly what you needed at that very moment of your life. At least you took a decision, you did something and you will not spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened. And if it happens that at the end of the day, lost in your thoughts you ask yourself: Could it have been any different? Where did I go wrong? What didn’t I do right? Remember that you shouldn’t worry about the “could have” because “if it should have it would have”. You gave everything you could have possibly given, have done everything that was humanely possible and if something was meant to happen or to be, it would have. If it hadn’t, well… just take life as it comes, one day at the time, living your best life today.

As we are entering a new year, I hope that this year it will make us bolder in order for us to go out there and fight for what we really want. I hope it will make us wiser so that we can make better choices and take better decisions ; as well as see the good behind all the situations that might cross our path no matter how painful and hard they can be. I pray that this year you be someone’s inspiration to make a change, to start living a better life. Someone’s reason to smile and give their best. I pray that this year you realize how strong, amazing, beautiful, smart and capable you are to make great things happen. I pray that you trust yourself and trust God that great things are yet to come for you; you just have to believe it in your heart and remember it every day. It might be late to change the past but it is never too late to make it right and start fresh. Let’s make the best out of this New Year that is given to us: it’s a grace let’s not waste it.

 Have a blessed, wonderful and amazing 2015 year!

No more excuses

“Nobody said it would be easy… they just said it will be worthy” ~ Unknown

And this is true to almost everything on this earth. Whatever it is that you want, you have to work hard to make it happen. We live in a society where people do no longer fight for the things or the people they want in their lives. More and more, people believe that quitting is the solution to solve their problems and once they do quit they only find themselves being even more miserable than when they were actually striving for what they once thought was worth fighting for. I am a firm believer that the degree to which you want something will determine how hard you will fight for it and no sacrifice will ever be too big that you will not be able to make it to obtain what you want.

Life can happen sometimes, you might have a hard time getting it all together and as a result it might be complicated to reach the place you want to be at in your life and have the things you aspire to. But if you really want it, if you want it bad enough, you can make it. People need to stop making excuses, you need to stop making excuses so that you can take the easy way out and just quit at the first sign of adversity. People need to understand that the promotion they want, the contract, the life change, the relationship, the goals they want to achieve ask for sacrifices that they have to make it they really want them. I can understand that we can get discouraged sometimes because hey guess what? We are humans. We are not gods, we are not supermen and superwomen: we are just plain and sometimes boring mortals and it can get hard to make it through. But if you want something bad enough even in the tears you will keep going. You will say I can’t do this anymore, I am tired but you will still be walking on that road of success you got yourself onto.

 

  

No matter how difficult it can be you will never be willing to let it go because you want it and because you know that beyond the tears and the sacrifices you make today there is an emotional and maybe  material reward waiting for at the finish line; something you can beyond word that will make you proud when you will be saying: “it was hard but I made it”. you need to stop making excuses and get back on working for what you once thought was worth fighting for. A few weeks ago I was helping a friend with some class material and it was getting so complicated that at some point I could see that she was getting as frustrated as I was.  I paused for a minute and asked her if she went over the book chapters she answered no. I asked her if she had her notes from the class she answered not. So I told her : “listen… there is no magic here: if you don’t read the book or your notes there is nothing I can do to help you. I can only build on what you already have and if you don’t have anything well… it is complicated”. She started giving me all the possible excuses on why she didn’t have time to review the chapters, the notes, do the homeworks. When she was done I only asked her : “how bad do you want that A?” she said “I need it so bad you have no idea…” so I went on and told her “ then do the work. Stop making excuses and start working on getting closer to that A”

I could have been totally empathizing with her because I have been there, not long ago. When she was talking I could still see and hear myself make the same kind of excuses. But I realized I wouldn't have been doing her a favor. there is a time when you need to sit and ask yourself: how bad do I want it? if you don’t mind not having what you want then fine! Feel free to quit or just do the minimum to get away with having almost what you want. But if you REALLY want it, like really bad you need to get things done and work on getting closer to you goals. it is so easy to give excuses that it is almost ridiculous! it is time for you to realize how wacky that is. It is time for you to realize that if you want to get the things you want you have to do the hard things: “you have to deliver results when giving excuses is not an option”.

It will be hard but “you have to keep moving towards where you want to be no matter what’s in front of you”. That’s what champions do and that’s how they become champions. Make a change today and take the commitment to never quit no matter how hard it is and keep moving no matter what is in front of you.

Growing up : Reality vs Expectations

Thinking about the good old time, remembering how bad I wanted to grow up, leave my parents’ house and go live my life the way I intended it and waking up every morning thinking this is not what I signed up for, yeah that’s about how frustrating life has seemed to be the past few… I don’t know… years? As a kid or a teenager we have a very narrow perception of what being an adult is like. All we see is being able to take our own decisions, to do whatever we want to do, go wherever we want to go and do things just the way we want them done. But reality is a whole different story than what you have been playing over and over in your head since your early childhood. With growing up comes responsibility and being responsible sometimes means that you will sometimes along the way take shitty decisions, make stupid mistakes but hopefully you will learn from them.

Growing up also means that life becomes more complicated with the years passing. Think about it for a minute: you go from being a baby to toddler to pre-teen to a teenager. Your body starts to change, your mind too. Your heart starts overruling your head, throw in a couple of heartbreaks and failed relationships which totally destroy the ideal you had of love. And then you graduate from high school and go to college and things only get a tad bit worse. You add new factors to the equation such as 2 part time jobs to have enough money to survive after you have paid your rent and bills every month, loans to finance your college years which can go anywhere from 4 years (if you are lucky) to 6 years for the most unfortunates who, after 3 years of college still can’t figure out what major they want to declare or a year before graduating realize that they are not ready to pursue a career in the major they declared 3 years ago. I mean we all make mistakes don’t we? Well some of them are just slightly more expensive than others.

Dating and being in a relationship doesn’t get any better either: you either end up with someone who doesn’t give a shit about your feelings or a stage 5 clinger whose favorite hobby is to talk to you at 5 am in the morning. Then one night, you lay awake on your bed having an honest conversation with yourself and figuring out that being single is not so bad and could be the best option for you. Then you try to convince yourself of that while pouring a glass of wine every night, sitting on your couch watching Bridget Johns and also try to sell that idea to your friends who are also trying to fix you up because they feel like your life is quite boring and that love is the sparkle that would set fire to your life and make your world a better one (which might be probably true or it might just reduce whatever you have left into ashes).

And then you leave your college years behind you someday and start working and you go from the weirdo to the workaholic, you get married and have kids and you  kiss goodbye to that seemingly wild and selfish life and no string attached  lifestyle you used to live because guess what? You have some solid strings attached: you are married! From the top of my 20-something years, I come to spend most of my time missing the good old days where the only things I would worry about were: 1-what am I going to have for lunch/diner; 2-whose friend’s house am I going to play at and 3-what am I going to ask for my birthday or for Christmas. And then I look at my life and I am  baffled at how messed up my life is and even more baffled when realizing  at the same time how well I seem to be navigating  and finding my way through that mess. I only wish I could be as carefree as I used to be when I was a kid because boy… I was living THE life.

But let’s acknowledge that there are some good sides of being an adult though. Which ones? Can’t think of any right on the top of my head but I am sure there are some. I yet have to look for them while pouring a glass of wine, sitting on my couch. Meanwhile think about how blessed you are from having the life you have because one: there is someone out there wishing to live it and two: honestly it could be worse...

..So smile and be happy

The sixth sense

Myth or reality ? no one will ever be able to know if it is true or not even though some scientific facts claim that women are not that crazy.

It has been around forever and every woman has at least once in her life (if not everyday) creeped out her husband/boyfriend/kids or whoever tried to mess up with her. Women have been gifted with that ability to sense things miles away, waaaaaaaaaaay before men do and waaaaaaay before it is all rotten. We like to pretend that we don’t sometimes so that we can keep on leading our investigations or even until we have enough proofs to make a decision.

I like to think of intuition as God's power in us and for us to warn us from things we are not necessarily aware us or maybe as something more complex like a defense mechanism to protect us and protect our hearts from things that could possibly harm us physically as well as emotionally.

women foresee things before they happen because of that intuition, that thing to sense stuff our mothers used to talk about or that sixth sense as men like to call it. It is that intuition that tells us something is wrong when people are trying to hide things away from us. It is that same intuition that allows us to spot fake people thousand of miles away. And again, it is your intuition that tells you something is wrong or that your Relationship is about to fall apart when the way he looks at you, talks to you, holds you, is not the same anymore.

 

 

It is something innate, something women are wired with, a defense mechanism that is launched automatically when we are frighten by something; when there is an imminent danger we might not even be aware of. But most of the time, we just suppress it in part because we are scared what we suspect might be true. We suppress it because we are scared he might be cheating for real, or might be the end of a relationship which has been our all and everything for years. We deliberately shush our intuition and shut down that mechanism because maybe we are too scared to see the truth, to accept the facts, to walk away, to close a door, to leave behind something that seems to be so perfect but which is in fact just a mirage…

 

Or maybe we shush it because people just won’t stop calling us crazy or paranoid even though there is a huge chunk of truth in what we say hidden somewhere in the mind of the people calling us those names who has he talk are saying: “how the eff does she knows all that? I better be careful” we don’t know: we just feel it and that’s how we roll.

 

 

And then when the truth hits us in the face, we seem shocked, surprised, caught off guard wondering how we didn’t see things coming. But deep down, after countless nights pouring glasses of wine, eating boxes  and boxes of chocolates, using up the full stock of tissues we had while watching Bridget Jones, we realize that we had once been warned that it would all end up this way but we just chose to not listen and pretend we were just being “crazy”.

 

 

 

 

We spend a lot of time looking for answers we already have but are too afraid to accept. We live in a world full of misery, lies, cheaters and dishonest people; looks are deceiving and people’s words are not to be taken for an absolute truth. In such a world, the most powerful and pure tool a women can have to protect herself is her intuition for as Laurenn Martin said “it’s one of the few honest things in our lives.” So go ahead and tune in.