Ditch the "what if" and start living

Have you ever met one of those what if people? The one constantly trying to make scenarios and asking questions such as : what if it  didn’t happen? What if it did happen? What if things were different? And the list goes on... Well I used to be one of them and if there is one thing I can tell you it would be that this is one of the most unhealthy ways to live a life and I am not proud of the fact that I have been stuck with that unhealthy state of mind for years. For years it seems like a habit I couldn't let go off even though it was tiring. But reaching the point where it started to  kill me softly and slowly, I wondered about ways to break free of that poisonous lifestyle. And around that time ,  I happened to have a conversation with friend of mine and I got to experience that “ahaa!” moment I needed to be able to move forward in my life. With the amount of pressure I experienced lately, the lifestyle I had unconsciously chosen to live took up a whole other turn. I found myself upgrading from  I-can't-fall-asleep-so-let's-think-about-the-different-combinations-of-what-ifs-a-potentially-sane-mind-can-pounder-on intermediate level to level pro a.k.a Insanity. And as I am working my way back to being sane (again), I wanted to share with you few reasons why it is so important for you and for the people around you to let go of the “what ifs” and get going with your life.

First you have to keep in mind that if you decided to take a decision or act a certain way it is because at this very moment of your life it is what you needed. It might not be the best decision, it might not be the best choice you could have made and you might not even understand why back then you made the choices you made. But one thing you need to understand is that we are constantly evolving and making mistakes is part of human nature so if those things/ choices were not the best, you need to break free from that unhealthy cycle of thinking/living in term of "what ifs" and ask yourself what it is that you can take away from the experience you just had. Once you have done that let the what ifs go and move on.

Another reason you need to let go of the “what if”s is that at this point there is nothing you can change. I recently lost someone that was dear to me and the only question I was able to ask myself was: “ what if things could have been different?” and my friend whom I was having a conversation with told me “At this point there is nothing you can do. Your friend is gone and I know it is hard but you have to accept it. That is the way it is. Mourn, cry, grieve then let it go because you have to keep moving with life.” As hard as it sounded (and believe me it sounded a notch harder than that), it was true and tasted very sour. Nothing I can possibly do or imagine as a “what if” scenario could bring that back to life my friend that passed away or change anything to the whole situation. We all need to understand it and take things as they come. It can be hard sometimes but we do not have the choice. Okay we do and that other choice is denial but I even with that, at some point you have to swallow the pill of the truth not matter how big it is.

Most importantly you have to give up on the “what ifs” because life goes on. By holding on to that you are missing on so many important things, you are missing on life, love, happiness, opportunities to create something better for you and for the people surrounding you. “what if”s prevents you from living your life to the fullest because you are stuck in a fantasy where in theory everything is fine,  refusing to see the truth because it hurts too much. Or you are too busy anticipating the future and giving yourself an unneeded  amount of anxiety. the mind can only take so much of being stuck in the past and living too much in the future. and beyond that point you are just setting yourself up for destruction and misery. And by the time you wake up and realize what you have been missing on, it will probably be too late because time is doesn't  to stop and life will go on with or without you.

No matter what happens we have to let go of the “what ifs” and realize that it will do more harm than good to us physically & emotionally. We need to realize that happiness is now, here, at this very moment and unless we let go of the "what ifs" we can’t fully enjoy it and make the best out of it. We need to let go of all them and all the crappy emotions associated with them and move on for ourselves, for the people we love and are surrounded by as well as those who are not around anymore. Even if we don’t feel like we can do it, just not yet, we should always remember that they would not have wanted us live in the pass while life has so many things to offer. If not for ourselves we should at least acknowledge that moving on with life is something we owe them.

Let us bow our heads...

My post was due this morning online and yet it is only now that I am posting it (and I apologize to all the people who have been waiting on it). The truth is this is not the article I was originally supposed to post. I had another one but then I just left it on the side because I just didn’t feel it was right. Right for the day, right for the moment, right for the emotions that were actually filling my heart and moving my soul in some kind of ways.
As I was later in the day sitting and just letting my mind wander around, I started thinking about all I went through, all the mistakes I had made that just turned me into that person I am today. I was thinking about all the battles I still have to fight, some now, some in a close future and some years from now. And I have to admit it is one of the things I constantly think about and that hunt my mind every day, every night. I am just the type of person that wants to know how things will happen, how messy situations will just get solved and everything will fall into place. But at some point in my life, I realized that it was a burden that was too heavy for me to carry every single day.

I realized that worrying too much was driving me away from the things that were the most important to me: my goals, my career, my family and friends but mostly my relationship with God. You know how sometimes you are just so worried that all you want to do is just sleep all the time? Yeah that’s how bad it used to be. I would worry for all and everything and the more I would, the less I would pray and the more things would get complicated. When I realized it, I asked God to give me strength to overcome all this adversity and beyond everything to always give me to strength I need to bow my head and call upon his name in times things would get really tough. Don’t go and believe that things just got better and that all the issues where solved like that. But one thing I know for sure is that I tend to worry less than I used to. I do pray and call upon the Lord’s name whenever things are good and even more when things are bad. Because what people need to understand is that God is not only God when things ain’t right, He is also God in good times. 

 I also trained myself to keep in mind that I don’t have to worry too much about things: if they are meant to happen they will, if they are not then they will not and there is not much I can do about it. And I want you to keep that in my too. Only God can change the course of a situation and you as a human can’t do anything except pray and keep a positive attitude. Yes attitude is also important because it sets up the perfect atmosphere for things to happen. If you believe what you want and are striving for can happen and will happen then it might happen. I say it might because, well, you have no power about it happening. You can only hope for it, pray about it and work for it to happen because ultimately it all depends on God.

Tough times are meant to reveal the good in you as well as the strength you didn't even know you had and many other things I have not yet an idea of but that I hope I will soon figure out. So my tip for you today is just an encouragement to let go of all your fears and abandon yourself entirely in the hands of the Lord. He has the power to carry you through these rough times, bring peace to your life and make everything fall back into place. All you have to do is to bow your head, pray and keep a positive attitude. So smile and let God and your Faith do the trick. God bless you

Manhood 101: Tie it like a Boss

The training for manhood is made of many things and learning how to tie a tie one of them. Sure you can be a man without mastering the art of tying a tie but at some point in your life you will end up with a tie looking more like the one on the left rather than the one on the right

Ahem... I highly doubt this is what you are aiming for. Of course some types of tie knots such as the Eldredge require a lot of practice and are not necessarily the ones you would venture into sporting unless you are adventurous…
 Anyway the post of today is about how to tie a tie and is dedicated to all the men who up to now still struggle to properly tie a tie. Gentlemen, the day of glory has come so open your eyes, pay attention because this is going to change your life.

There are over 20 (and I am sure it is a lot more than that!) ways to tie a tie and when choosing one of them you have to take into account the type of fabric the tie is made of, the occasion you are sporting the tie knot for and also the collar of the shirt you are wearing the knot on. I won’t go over all of the different ways to tie a tie but I will talk about the most common ones. So here we go!


1- The Four-in-hand knot

 This is the most common and the simplest way of tying a tie. It a very narrow knot and is best used for tie made of heavy fabrics. It should be worn with a tab, button-down or regular spread collar. Personally I’m not a big fan of it due to my OCD for things to be symmetrical (especially for ties)
below is a drawing showing you how tie a four-in-hand tie which by the way is a classic knot that works for any non-dressy type of occasion.



· 1. Start with the wide end of the tie on the right and the small end on the left. Begin with the small end slightly above your belly-button (will vary depending on your height and the length & thickness of your tie). Only move the active (wide) end.

· 2. Wide end over the small end to the left

· 3. Under the small end and to the right

· 4. Across the front and to the left

· 5. Up into the neck loop from underneath

· 6. Down through the loop you've just made in the front

· 7. Tighten the knot by pulling down on the wide end. Slide the knot up & adjust.


2- The Shelby-Pratt knot.

it is a great alternative to the four in hand you can never go wrong with. not too big and not too small, the Pratt knot provides you with the neat look and the symmetry you need without trying too hard. It goes with any collar style and can be worn for any occasion. It is best used with ties made of medium weight to heavy fabric. Find out of to do it and figure out if you like it or not. Personally I do J

· 1. Begin with the backside of your tie facing forward, the wide end of the tie on the right and the small end on the left. The tip of the small end should rest slightly above your belly-button (this will vary depending on your height and the length & thickness of your tie). Only move the active (wide) end.

· 2. Wide end under the small end to the left.

· 3. Up to the center, towards neck loop.

· 4. Through the neck loop and down to the left.

· 5. Across the small end to the right.

· 6. Up into the neck loop from underneath.

· 7. Down through the loop you've just created in the front.

· 8. Tighten the knot by pulling down on the wide end. Slide the knot up & adjust


3-The half-Windsor knot

 It is a knot that is a bit wider than the Pratt knot and looks good for about any occasion, talking more specifically about formal ones (gives you an assertive look when wearing this to a job interview. Go ahead and blow your interviewer mind away!). it works best with wide collars and ties made of light to medium weight fabrics. Because this knot is highly symmetric the chance to mess it up is higher. So follow the steps bellow to master the art of tying the perfect half-Windsor knot


· 1. Start with the wide end of the tie on the right and the small end on the left. The tip of the small end should rest slightly above your belly-button (this will vary depending on your height and the length & thickness of your tie). Only move the active (wide) end.

· 2. Wide end over the small end to the left.

· 3. Under the small end and to the right.

· 4. Up to the center, towards neck loop.

· 5. Through the neck loop and to the left.

· 6. Across the front, over to the right.

· 7. Up into the neck loop from underneath.

· 8. Down through the loop you've just created in the front.

· 9. Tighten the knot by pulling down on the wide end. Slide the knot up & adjust


 4- The Windsor knot

Okay so we are moving into the more classy stuff. The Windsor is not the type of knot one should be sporting everyday: it is a thick and full knot that projects confidence. It captures the look of everyone so if you are the person that feels awkward whenever people are staring at you too long or too much don’t attempt the Windsor knot. It works best with ties that are slightly longer than normal (a foot longer than usual) and made of light to medium weight fabrics. It must be worn with a wide spread collar. When to wear a Windsor knot? Wedding, business and political occasions but it doesn’t mean you cannot wear it whenever you want so indulge ;)

· 1. Start with the wide end of the tie on the right and the small end on the left. The tip of the small end should rest slightly above your belly-button (this will vary depending on your height and the length & thickness of your tie). Only move the active (wide) end.

· 2. Wide end over the small end to the left.

· 3. Up into the neck loop from underneath.

· 4. Down to the left.

· 5. Around the back of the small end to the right.

· 6. Up to the center, towards neck loop.

· 7. Through the neck loop and down to the right.

· 8. Across the front to the left.

· 9. Up into the neck loop from underneath.

· 10. Down through the loop you've just created in the front.

 · 11. Tighten the knot by pulling down on the wide end. Slide the knot up & adjust.


I hope this article helped you into solving the mystery behind how to tie a tie. Liked the article? Share it! Want to know more about other ways to tie a tie? Visit How To Tie A Necktie where you can discover amazing things and! watch video tutorials.
Happy? yeah I know... I know... Well... Enjoy

Larguez vos kilos comme un(e) pro

“Bien manger c’est le début du Bonheur”

J’aime beaucoup ce dicton parce que je suis une grande amatrice de bonne nourriture et il est bien le cas de le dire qu’avoir un bon repas vous fait certainement oublier vos soucis et vous donne un cœur joyeux. Cependant j’aime moins l’autre idée que l’on a tendance à associer bien souvent avec la nourriture : les kilos ! C’est sûr que quand on y pense en voyant un bon plat, ca réduit l’appétit de moitié si ça ne nous le coupe pas. Pour les moins rigoureux on se dit : « c’est que des kilos hein et puis c’est les fêtes ! Après je fais un régime et je fais déguerpir tout ça ! ». On remplit généreusement son assiette et on mange à cœur joie et quelques mois plus tard des collines qui vous sortent du dos (oui oui par derrière la… oui c’est ça les bourrelets), et puis y a aussi les bras qui pendouillent, le ventre qui déborde de tous les cotes dans votre jean mais surtout le rituel de la danse du canard chaque jour pour porter votre Jean. En general ca se termine comme ca :

 Et la vous réalisez que c’est plus grave que ce que vous aviez pensé : un régime s’impose. Il vous faut perdre ces kilos coute que coute c’est alors une lutte acharnée qui s’engage entre vous et cette graisse qui semble assaillir votre corps de toute part et vous pousser à battre en retraite dans les tailles 10, tout en vous remémorant vos moments heureux dans les rayons taille 4. L’issue de cette lutte dépendra de façon capitale de votre technique d’approche et des armes que vous avez à votre disposition pour combattre. J’ai suivi mon premier régime a 13 ans et après plusieurs années passées à jouer au yo-yo avec mon poids j’ai fini par comprendre que mon approche pour perdre mes kilos superflus était plus qu’erronée. Voici quelques leçons qui j’espère vous feront autant de bien qu’à moi et vous permettront de faire la paix avec votre assiette .

#5- Ayez des objectifs raisonnables
certaines personnes se font juste des illusions quant à la durée au bout de laquelle ils veulent perdre du poids. J’en ai vu qui ont voulu perdre 10 livres en 1 semaine et qui l’ont fait. Le résultat était impressionnant mais l’après-régime l’était encore plus ! Elles ont doublées en taille et il aura mieux fallu qu’elles ne fassent pas du tout le régime ! Perdre autant de poids sur une si courte durée est comme se laver les mains pour les essuyer par terre : Il vous suffit juste de manger un cookie et pouf ! Vous gonfler comme un ballon et vous gagnez le double de ce que vous avez perdu. Eh oui… le monde du régime est cruel et plein de fausses illusions. Ne vous y perdez pas : fixez des objectifs raisonnables pour des effets qui résistent au temps. Tenez compte du fait que chaque individu est différent et a un métabolisme différent alors fixez-vous des objectifs raisonnables et soyez patient.

#4- Bonne nutrition + activité physique=efficacité garantie

Certaines personnes pensent qu’il suffit juste de réduire la consommation quotidienne de calories pour perdre du poids. Ça peut marcher mais c’est sûr que jusqu’à la saint glin-glin vous y serez encore ! Faire du sport augmentera la capacité de votre corps à bruler plus vite des calories et par conséquent boostera votre perte de poids. Une alimentation équilibrée, un peu de cardio ainsi que quelques exercices pour vous faire du muscle vous aidera à bruler des calories et vous fera atteindre plus vite mais sainement les résultats que vous désirez. Faites un emploi du temps des jours ou vous faites du sport et pensez à inclure un jour de repos pour que votre corps puisse se reposer.

Efforcez-vous de le respecter et d’incorporer de nouveaux exercices de temps à autre pour casser la routine. Restez loin des pilules amincissantes. Dans l’immédiat c’est une idée qui peut vous séduire mais qui a la longue peut vous causer d’énormes problèmes de santé. Choisissez l’option la plus saine : enfilez vos tennis et aller faire un tour et transpirez un peu ça vous fera plus de bien que de mal.

#3 - Surveiller votre tour de taille pas votre balance

Beaucoup font cette erreur et sont souvent déçus de ne pas voir l’aiguille de la balance bouger ou même pire ! Elle bouge mais monte au lieu de descendre. Lorsque vous décidez de perdre du poids et que vous vous mettez au sport vous gagnez du muscle et perdez de la graisse. Sachant que le muscle a plus de densité que la graisse vous aurez l’impression que vous gagnez du poids au lieu d’en perdre. Au lieu de vous décourager en montant sur la balance, fiez-vous à ce que vous dit vos vêtements : essayer de remettre ce jean dans lequel vous n’arriviez pas à rentrer il y a un mois. Si vous y entrez et si vous montez la fermeture éclair sans problème alors vous êtes sur la bonne voie. Si vous n’y arrivez pas il faut revoir votre stratégie mais dans tous les cas ne vous découragez pas.

 

 

#2- Dormez

C’est étonnant n’est-ce pas ? et pourtant des études prouvent que le manque de sommeil peut conduire à une prise de poids. Deux types d’hormones liées a la régulation de la faim sont produites par votre corps: la leptine qui régule le sentiment de satiété et la ghreline qui contrôle la sensation de faim. Durant le sommeil, le corps produit l’hormone leptine en grande quantité pour signaler à notre corps que notre quota d’énergie est atteint, diminuant ainsi la quantité de ghreline produite. Lorsque nous ne dormons pas assez, l’hormone ghreline est produite en grande quantité. La sensation de faim est alors activée par le cerveau et c’est à ce moment précis que notre  corps réclame les aliments les plus calorifiques qu’il store sous forme de graisse. Dormir 8h par jour diminuera les risques de prise de poids associes au manque de sommeil alors prenez votre dose de Zzz

 #1- Mangez sans vous priver

Il y a cette fausse conception qui veut que régime soit égal a privation alors que c’est une combinaison totalement fausse ! Être au régime c’est faire attention à ce qu’on mange, être a l’écoute de son corps : ne pas prendre cette bouchée de trop si l’on sent que l’on est rassasié, être conscient de ce qu’on mange et boit et des quantités consommées. Beaucoup de personnes n’ont pas conscience de cela et c’est bien pour cette raison qu’il est parfois difficile de suivre un régime : on passe plus de temps à penser à ce qu’on a envie de manger et qu’on ne « devrait pas » manger plutôt qu’à se concentrer sur le grand prix, les kilos perdus ! Être au régime c'est savoir se contrôler tout en mangeant ce qui nous fait plaisir (une fois en passant bien sûr): mangez 2 carreaux de chocolats mais pas la tablette entière, une part de gâteau mais pas le gâteau tout entier, un soda une fois en passant mais ne pas en faire une habitude. Une fois que vous comprenez cela il ce sera plus facile pour vous de perdre vos kilos superflus et vous cesserez d’en vouloir au monde entier chaque fois que vous passerez devant une pâtisserie ou qu’on vous invitera à diner avec au menu votre plat préféré.

 

 Bien manger c'est vraiment le début du bonheur!

J’espère que ces conseils vous seront aussi utiles qu’ils l’ont été pour moi et si vous êtes sur le point de vous décourager rappelez-vous que quelque part dans ce monde, il y a aussi quelqu’un qui comme vous fait la danse du canard pour rentrer dans ses jeans alors souriez et prenez la vie du bon coté. 

Transcending gender stereotypes

"Attempting to get at truth means rejecting stereotypes and cliches."

 ~ Harold Evans

I just love that quote because it is just so true in every sense of the term. We have been raised in a society that was mostly based on stereotypes even though until these days people still refuse to acknowledge it. Stereotyping is present everywhere and is developed from young age unfortunately. Is it because we are wired that way or is it because the society is forcing it on us? Or maybe it is a combination of the two? From our early years we are told to behave a certain way, we are told what to do, what not to do. Gender stereotypes are the one thing that has done much more harm than good to our generation: preventing so many people to live the way they would want to live and thus preventing them to be the successful individual they are meant to be.

Women once upon a time were taught and required to be as invisible as they could possibly be. They had to behave like women would do, they had to be nice, look nice, stay in the kitchen, eventually get married, have kids, take care of the house and the family. There was that idea that women needed a man to be accomplished and it was some kind of self-verification that was needed by women from the society. We used see it everywhere: in movies, in the media, in real life but at some point there has been a 3-point turn that made people think and be like: “wait… this isn’t true… this isn’t fair. Why should some people behave that way and some other not? Why should they have all the privilege and why should we just shush it and keep quiet in the kitchen while the word is waiting for us? Why should we depend on a male whether he is an alpha, beta or even omega male to be happy? Something has got to change” and literally things have shifted around.

They are entering man-dominated workplaces as well as field of study and they are just some women out there doing a fine job. I just love how women have claimed their independence and the ownership of their own happiness. I have recently watched Frozen and it is just a magnificent art of work in every sense of the term. It is just amazing how it deconstructs the stereotypes we have always been exposed to with regard to women and how it gives young women great life lessons as we train them to be leaders tomorrow.

#5 – Don’t be afraid to be yourself

Elsa didn’t want to let her power show because she was afraid she would hurt someone but more because she was afraid of was people would think of her. She was trained by her parents to be the “good girl” she knew she could be and it involved keeping her power as a secret. Most of the time we show people the side of us we think is closest to what they wish we would be because we are afraid to be judged, labeled and because we don’t want them to walk away. so we just play along forgetting how exhausting it can be, forgetting how disappointed they will be when they find out the truth about us. People who truly love you will accept you the way you are, without judging you. So just be yourself and don’t be afraid to let it show

*weird. Gotta love those kids :)

#4- People are not always who we think they are

it is so important not to judge people just by the way they look. We don’t really know people until we get to know them really and it takes time. And sometimes when we think we know them, it turns out we don’t. the prince Elsa was about to marry seemed to be a nice guy but it turns out he was an evil, black hearted nasty little person (ah! Went for the full thing here! Lol)
at the same time you can’t pretend to know someone you have met only two days ago and say that you love that person because you have “so much in common” which brings me to the next point

#3- Love vs. infatuation

People make that mistake often, rushing into relationship only to realize that it wasn’t true love. Of course it wasn’t! you guys met a week ago and two weeks later you are exchanging texts where you say “I Love you” to each other, every 10 minutes and I am like:

Love is much more than sharing common interest with some random person you met a day or two ago. Falling in love doesn’t happen in the course of a day or a week. It is a long process in which you get to know the person in front of you. You get to know the bad as well as the good sides of that person and you commit to love that person no matter what happens. While infatuation is something delusional, kind of unreal, Love is unconditional and is the real deal you want to settle for no matter what the price is. You can find more information about the difference between love and infatuation here.

#2- If you want it to be done do it yourself

Usually, in Disney movies when someone disappears, the men go wherever they have to go to find that person while the princess/queen (or whatever) waits at the castle. Princess Anna just took down that stereotype: she wanted to find her sister so she went after her to find her. By herself. She got everything done herself no matter what difficult it would be (and I don’t think she knew it was going to be that difficult). She took the lead and had to courage to step forward and say “I will go”. We can see a lot more into that than just a woman doing something by herself on her own: it is a call for women to be leaders. It empowers women to take the lead, to step forward and make great things happen. Because after all, “it is okay to be ambitious” and if you want to get something done you have to do yourself. Period.

#1- You don’t need a man to be happy.

This is one of the most powerful messages that were transmitted to the future generations of young women being raised. This is such a huge stereotype that has prevented so many women from being happy. We used to think that happiness was all about achieving great things in life and have that great man that will just tie the knot and you will be happy ever after. Isn't what we usually see in movies? The princess marry the prince, the guy gets the girl and makes her happy and all other kind of crap we know of. Frozen is about love but filial love. Although there are some traces of romance, Anna is just rolling solo at the end of the movie. Yes that’s right! She is on her own and so is her sister Elsa (The Queen). “Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone else that much power over your life”. take the ownership of your happiness, don’t wait for a man to make you happy. As a matter of fact don’t wait for anyone to make you happy. And if people ask you why you are still single just tell them you are just too damn busy being awesome on your own ;)