Don’t Let The Story End With Shame

Shame is no stranger to me and I’m sure to a lot of you out there, reading that article today. I’ve lived shame, lived in it, been shamed and sometimes wrapped my identify around the shame that I was feeling. And I still sometimes do. I think the biggest problem about shame is not only what it makes us think we are, but also what it makes us feel we are not and will never be able to be (or do). My curiosity about wanting to understand my shame and find out what it was all about happened when I started listening to Brené Brown; but  the reckoning and the rumbles started when I dived into the book Rising Strong. At random moments during my journey through this book and my own personal journey navigating shame and guilt, I have pondered what were the odds that out of all the books that I have, I would specifically be reading this one, at this very moment; right when I’m caught in an internal (and external) shame sh-tstorm.

I have once heard someone very close to me say that people who do bad things should be shamed however, my own experience with shame has taught me that unless there is a personal desire to change and use it as a defining turning point in life, shaming someone never makes them a better person. Shaming leads to pain and isolation. Shaming leads to despair. Shaming leads to hopelessness. Shame doesn’t make better people. Accountability does. Speaking the truth does. Empathy does. Giving people a safe space to share their story does. Doing your best to help and support with the generous assumption- to quote Brené Brown- that people are doing their best does.

I do not believe that shame makes better people, I believe that shame if pushed on people for a long time and hard enough, has the potential to literally and figuratively end their stories, not reshape them.

There have been moment in my life where I might not have verbally shamed people but I certainly did by the behaviors I exhibited towards them and by the approach of life I had. I walked the earth- especially as a Christian- portraying that Hollier-than-thou attitude when the truth is that attitude was more of a sin than someone who secretly (or openly) struggled with shame and leaned on God to find their way out of what was the root of the shame.

The reason why shame has such a big impact on us is because it directly correlates to our sense of worthiness and our identity vs just our ability to "just do". The shame of making a mistake will shift our monologue from “I made a mistake” to “what is wrong with me” or “I am so dumb/ stupid” etc… Shame has such a big impact because we tend to assimilate with it and Brené Brown put it better than I could ever explain in words when she said: “ I did a bad thing so I am a bad person” to illustrate the difference between shame and guilt.

When I think of shame, there are two people from the Bible immediately come to my mind : Mary Magdalene and Peter. One labelled by shame before meeting Christ and the other labelled and probably plagued by it after denying Jesus. What I like about those two in particular is that they did not let the weight of their shame truncate their destinies and their stories. Mary Magdalene before meeting Jesus was a prostitute. And I am sure after rallying with Jesus a lot of people still referred to her by her wrong and the subject of her shame while Jesus and God referred to her by her name. Peter was the one about which Jesus said : “ And I say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades (death) will not overpower it [by preventing the resurrection of the Christ].” Matt 16:18. Jesus knew already that Peter was going to deny him but He still made that declaration on Peter. He went further and told him :“Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I’ve prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start.” Luke 22:32. And although I had never thought of it this way, I want to think maybe Jesus wanted Him to have something to hold onto so that he wouldn’t be taken out by shame. Maybe Jesus wanted Him to have something to hold onto when the thoughts “ I am a bad person, I am not worthy” stormed him so that he would be reminded that he still has purpose; so that he would be reminded that shame is not the end and that even if we had a choice, we wouldn't let it be the end. I think Jesus wanted to remind him that his humanity would fail him but it would not be enough to stop God’s sovereign plan or change God’s mind about him or the mission He gave him.

If you are wrestling with shame know that it can be a turning point, a defining moment in life or it could be the end but only if you let it. You might feel like the worst human being on this earth for one reason or another, you might feel like you are not even worthy of being on this earth but know that God has you here for a purpose. You are accounted for in God’s Sovereign plan, He loves you and can turn what you see as a mess into a masterpiece. Nothing can make you fall out of God’s hands. And although you might be going through the storm and weeping, know that there is hope on the other side. Lean onto God, find safe people to shine light onto the darkness in which shame reigns and trust that as long as you are willing to let God write your story, you will get to the other side of this storm. I might not know a lot but one thing I know for sure, is that God is a redeemer. 

Until next time,

The test of obedience or the hidden hardship in simplicity

“The path of obedience to God is simple, yet often the hardest road to walk—requiring both trust and surrender.”– Unknown

                                    

Hello and welcome back to another article. You thought I was going to fall into the usual pattern and leave you hanging again huh? Well hopefully this year is the year of consistency and new beginnings where I will try my best (by God’s grace) to keep this train choo-chooing. 

This particular article is a testament to how God has a great sense of humor. I have always said that the words that I write here minister to me first before they go out into this world to do what they do. Or sometimes they minister to me later when I go through seasons where those words make sense and resonnate. But one thing is for sure, these words are also for me. And this article here is not any different. It is almost midnight, and as I type those words I am exhausted. After a very long day, my plan was to wrap up the day and start unwinding to go to bed but God had a simple instruction for me: put those words in writing. Simple right? Right. However just because the instruction was simple, doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard to execute. The tiredness in my body made it hard for me to walk in obedience but here we are. 

As I was going about my day today, God had already started to plant the seed of what this article was going to be about. He led me into the book of 2 kings 5 which narrates the story of how Naaman, a very influential man got healed but almost missed out on his miracle because the instruction was too simple for his liking. Long story short (you should really read for yourself): Naaman had leprosy, one of his servant (a young girl) said : “hey, there is a Prophet in Samaria, he would heal my master if he would just go see him”. Naaman took that information to the king and the king gave him permission to go. Once Naaman went to Samaria, he was expected to be received by Elisha with the highest honors but to his dismay,  Elisha didn’t even come out to see him: he sent someone else to give him the instruction that would unlock his miracle. He got upset and wanted to return home but “But his officers tried to reason with him and said, ‘Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!’. So Naaman went down to the Jordan River and dipped himself seven times, as the man of God had instructed him. And his skin became as healthy as the skin of a young child, and he was healed!” (2 kings 5: 13-14)

This is a perfect example of how we miss out on miracles because we judge God’s instruction too simplistic and yet, there is a hidden hardship in it: the test of obedience. As humans, we all for the most part, are wired to like a challenge and to question the simple stuff. And that is where the difficulty is for us. We tend to associate simple with ease when most of the time, they couldn’t be further away from each other because of our sinful nature, because of pride or because life experiences have skewed our view of of life (“it cannot be that easy”, “that’s a trap”, “what is the catch?”, etc…) 

We are so used to the hard things that the simplicity of God in the way he requires for us to do things throws us in for a loop. But it is really as we sit and practice what He is asking of us or go from a place of hearing to doing, that we realize that the simple things are in fact not easy and require from us humility and the grace of God in order to obey and take hold of our miracles. Sometimes, we miss out because the miracle does not come wrapped in the packaging we want or it does not look like a rubic’s cube. And so we overlook it or look at what God is presenting to us as the blueprint as beneath us, when in fact, it does come with the perfect level of challenge that we need to rise to the next level. As someone that has been in the biotech industry for years now and that has worked in the lab, big repairs are important but it is the fine tuning and calibration of instruments that makes a big and noticeable difference in the quality of the output. And sometimes, the “simple things” that God requires from us are the things that produce the difference that we so long for.

“So what are you saying?” What I am saying is : sometimes it is not about praying for two hours or fasting 40 days. Yes they are great things to practice, however, if they do not come from and align with obedience, I am afraid you are missing the point. I will leave you with this: if you are have been praying and asking God : “Lord what’s next?” And what you have been hearing from God is either the same instruction or crickets, make sure you stop, go back and check that you have done the last thing God has asked you to do. And if you think it is too simple, maybe you are missing the point again. It is not about how simple or complicated it is, it is about our pride and how hard it is to submit to God because we think we are above certain things. The fine tuning of the heart posture is the most important process a believer can go through because the posture of the heart determines the outcomes of a lot of things in life (prov 4:23)

I pray and hope these words blessed you in the ways God intended for them to. 

Until next time,